I Need To Buy Books

If you're still alive
My regrets are few
If my life is mine
What shouldn't I do?
I get wherever I'm going
I get whatever I need
While my bloods still flowing
And my heart still beats...
Beating like a hammer

- Help I'm Alive, Metric

I'm currently sipping slowly from a mug of coffee, with the wind quietly and softly blowing in. This languidness is such a contrast to the fast-paced, early-bird-gets-the-worm mentality the Vietnamese have. I posted about my trip to Ho Chi Minh here sometime ago, but it wasn't complete so I unpublished it. It's completed now :


When my Mum first told me about this out of the blue trip to Vietnam, the immediate things which came to cloud my mind were : straw hats, dirt and mud, vegetables and more dirt and mud. Okay, I realized I'm having a demeaning perception (for me, what could be more degrading that being linked to dirt and mud?!) of this country before actually seeing the place myself. I wasn't ecstatic, after all - this is not Paris or Cannes so it's not something which I would lose my head over, but I didn't push it away either.

The second thing which I always think about when someone announces that I'm supposed to be "going somewhere" is, what to wear?! I underestimated the degree of the country's humidity, but I did give a good thought about lodging all my "breathable" clothes along. After all, I ain't going to North Pole or somewhere remotely close to the North Pole. The huge dilemma was, I have no fucking breathable clothes!






Healthy sandwiches I like :)






I thought my pupils and ears were being split into halves because all I hear were noises and honks from vehicles and all I see were motorcycles rushing by. I was given the impression that maybe (just maybe) all the drivers are temporarily brainwashed because I look at them and it seems that they have only one goal when they drive : To arrive at the destination irregardless. They're eyes are impossibly intent and focused, their faces itching with hidden impatience. Drivers honk every fucking 5 seconds.


If I'm a Vietnamese, I would create a petition, petitioning against the extreme lack of traffic lights. Pedestrians cross the roads, as if they do not heed the oncoming vehicle. Well, to be honest, after numerous attempts of crossing their traffic, I think I'm a master and a righteously acclaimed professional in crossing roads.




There are absolutely no mountains here.



The stuffiest and most crowded market I've ever been to, Ben Thanh market. Good bargains though.


Friendly locals :





A whole day tour around Ho Chin Minh and Mekong Delta. Pictures for your scrolling pleasure! :





Me and the greatest person in the world.






Entering unknown territory!




On one of those traditional, wooden motorboats.




To the swamps!




Wtf..




The authentic Vietnam experience : wooden boat rides!






With goofy Dad behind ;D



The next day, we had a half-day tour around the city. Scrolling time :



At the Presidential Palace, a place with absolutely no air-conditioning, leaving us damp and humidified.








Kids, no matter what part of the world you're in or what race you are, are always the same, aren't they? Skipping and running in the drizzling rain, without a care for the world.







Carving intricately with colored egg shells.

The beautiful Notre Dame cathedral :



Wtf, it was raining by now and we have no umbrellas.






The Post Office was smack on the right side of the cathedral. This is one swanky post office.






It's a sin to forget raving about the food. Here's some of them awesome food :



Pho Hoa (noodle soup). Michelle loves it as well :) I would love, love, love to have a bowl of that again! It just ain't the same here.




Spring rolls that kill.




Knowing their dependency and love for rice, they have this other kind of rice called broken rice. It is a wonder for me, the broken rice are very fine, broken into almost perfect halves.




I drank my first vegetable drink.




What they love there.




You have not lived until you drink Vietnamese coffee. It's heaven in a glass.




I feel like I eat fried rice everywhere.




They take their fish very seriously.




They have road side stalls everywhere, with quaint little chairs. Seems like everyone goes there. The hygiene level is not exactly high, so we didn't eat there. I didn't get to sit on one of the cute little chairs!




They have beautiful, green, New York Central Park-like parks in every corner of the city, something which I think our country should learn to have.






A proud urbanite. Ho Chin Minh is such a complicated city with erratic and unpredictable weather, you'll soon love it. Another wonderful thing about Ho Chin Minh is that they have so many hot Caucasian backpackers!

The Still Sad World

So what if it hurts me
So what if I break down
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don’t care about other pain in front of me
Cause I’m just tryna be happy, yeah
Just wanna be happy, yeah

- Happy, Leona Lewis

I've never actually thought that this day would come. I've always been constantly pessimistic about results in exams, because if it is that bad, I wouldn't get heartbroken when the results are not what I hoped for. Hence, no shattered hopes. I've always imagined how it would be like. To fail. To really fail. How it would be like to get an E or F or G. I thought I wouldn't be able to take it, I'll have a series of heart palpitations and will just die. But, no. That's not the case. When I found out I got an G (38 marks) for my Physics paper today. It sounds weird to have a G as your grade. I was merely disappointed. There were no tears. Probably because I've shed enough tears on the day I took the paper and realize I can't answer much of the questions. There were no Apocalypse-worthy drama. So, this is what it feels like when you're dropped with the FAILED bomb. It's pure, unadulterated disappointment. I slept for a while after that "ordeal", while sneakily listening to sad, depressing songs. I woke up, finding myself fine.


I've had many "maybes" throughout the years where I know I'm going fail, but didn't. It's usually for Math, which is before I had Biology, Chemistry and Physics as an additional baggage. This one time, I thought - maybe I can get away with this, maybe what I crapped in the paper worked. No such luck for me. I can't say I'm sad or scared or alone. I'm not sad because I knew this was coming and I programmed myself not to be too worked up over it. I'm not scared because I know I'll get Physics worked out eventually. I'm not alone either, because my teacher told me I'm not. At least, I still have ten other people accompanying me down the abyss, this dangerous, bottomless chasm.


Miss Paulina told me that it's perfectly fine to not do well in Physics when you're in Senior Four because it's an introduction. Usually, we will catch up in time. And, you need to fail once or twice, sometimes. Lyn said the exact same thing. I really hope she's right because "in time" has such a broad and inaccurate meaning. It can mean a month, 10 months or a year or perhaps, never. So, this is what it feels like to fail. It's such an empty feeling. I'm having this cluttered and tangled feeling where I'm not sure if I'm really sad or not. Had I finally reached the seemingly impossible point where I know it's okay to fail? That, failing is a rite of passage? I've never failed before. I've never gotten a D before (I got a D for Moral... don't ask) This term's results have shitload of varied grades in it.


If you're wondering if my parents would be mad and fuming about this red ink I have on my Report Book, then no. They won't. I told them what to expect and they quietly accepted it. Even if I didn't inform them beforehand, they'll still take it easy. Because, my parents know I'll get it right eventually. And I will :)


Something which you cannot succeed in being oblivious to : I changed my blog template, yet again. The look is now - stripped down and simpler than ever because I'm using Blogger's template. The previous one was already simple with it's pink and whiteness, but this beats it. I think it looks pretty chic. It was a rather instinctive thing to do. You might not have noticed this, but I adore wide blogging spaces. I don't understand why others like small, extremely narrow blogging spaces. The whole point of it is for you and the public to read it (comfortably). I have a new commenting system. Personally, I think I can't live another day with Blogger's commenting system because it's tedious and it stinks. Disqus is one of the best commenting system there is out there but it doesn't have the "pop-up" feature, where it pops up into another window. Minor set back :)

The One I Call My Brother

I want your drama
The touch of your hand
I want you leather studded kiss in the scene
And I want your love
Love-love-love, I want your love
Love-love-love, I want your love
You know that I want you
And you know that I need you
I want a bad,your bad romance

- Bad Romance, Lady Gaga

My brother is a defeatist. He might not agree with me, but he is. Yesterday, all night long - while I was trying to get some decent sleep in my room, I can overhear him talking about how he must cancel his Sunway Lagoon outing with his college friends because he didn't have transport. He couldn't use my Dad's car because Dad's going to Kuantan today. Dad gave him numerous suggestions and ways which he wouldn't agree to. He came into my room and told me about it, and I tried giving him an ingenious solution, which is rather simple - change the fucking date. It's an outing, for crying out loud, not someone's birthday. Why can't they reschedule? He is a serial complainer. He doesn't complain about practical things, but instead - about the most inane things. He leaves me speechless, sometimes.


Despite all these shortcomings, he is undoubtedly a good brother. I've said this a few times, and it's remains the truth. Before applying to college, he had a few months unoccupied. Spending your vacant hours in the house spells disaster, because you'll slowly rot into oblivion. He took a job, as a mobile phone dealer (I'm trying to make the job sound better) and I'm not saying that becoming one is bad. It is extremely bad for a person. I'd call my brother a good guy, because he is everything nice, except for the occasional bothersome habits teenage guys have. Theoretically, my brother can handle the darker side of the society because his high school friends were practically the embodiment of the dark side.


But, when you overexpose a guy who's been rather good all his life, it's very easy for him to succumb to it. His vocabulary in Cantonese got a lot better, even better than mine! He started cussing frequently, though not in front of us. It's true that the people involved in selling the hand phones are bad people. They're not exactly the best of influences. My brother got a new "lala" girlfriend, who broke his heart later. He got another (rebound) girlfriend, this one obsessed with him. All of his new friends are gangster-like. Amidst everything, he never smoked, never drank, never went to clubs, never did drugs. I wouldn't know, but we'll just have to take his word for it. A word of advise to guys.. or girls.. who wants to work in a mobile phone store : Don't go there. That's not your future.


He ran away from the house, when my Dad disapproved of his job and asked him to quit it. My Dad said temperamentally, "If you don't wanna quit the job, then don't come back!" My brother got really angry because he was stubborn like that, and called me on the phone, to pack his things for him, saying that he's going to stay in my older cousin's house. My Mum was paranoid, and my Dad was even more angry and they constantly fought... and it was similar to a Hokkien drama series (never watch Hokkien shows before, but I heard they're tres scandalous). Everything worked out, after enough bawling. I think I was the center of it all, the pH7 in the midst of the acidity and neutrality.


He's taking his A Levels now, in Law (and some other subjects). Sometimes I wonder why he wants to study Law, in the first place. He doesn't read, the only book I've seen him read is Enid Blyton. And, that was when he was really young, and only got to a quarter of the book. His command of English is just on par. But, he's really passionate about it. He still is, but what worries me and my Mum is that, he seemed so cool and laid-back, and his exams are now. He's everything we call kiasu, he doesn't like losing. He's a bit like me in that department. Except, when I lose, I cry. He just sulks around, sighing, and letting you know that he's not happy. What the fuck.


My brother loves my Mum, I can tell. Even Kristal can tell, after meeting him once. That's because, he's always talking with Mum when I don't feel like talking, especially in the car. He has countless of grandfather tales he can hammer out. They're very alike, smiley.. happy.. talkative.. and that's why they get along so well together. It's a warming sight to see. Speaking of him being talkative, I remember the first day of school. I was 7 and he was 9, and we sat in the bus together. He was very excited. I was very sleepy. He kept chattering away like there's no end to it, and finally - when I thought I couldn't take no more, I said, "Let's go sleep....." and we went to sleep together.


I remember this guy, Taufiq (if I remember correctly) he threw brother's bag down the bus because apparently, he sat on his seat. He said that he had a "bad day" and doesn't want any other disturbances. The indignant in me, felt like slapping him hard and telling him that his name is not on the seat. Even if I did, I would be reduced to a meek, demented Junior. But, brother just walked away to another seat. Everybody glared at the miserable fuck. What a douche. His sister, Shaheila forced him to apologize to my brother later. That is a fraction of our bus chronicles.


We played Gameboy together, I would often ask him for help when I couldn't get to the next level in Super Mario or if I couldn't find my way in Pokemon. He had a cheat/guide book for the Pokemon adventure game. Yes, there is such a thing. We played water guns together and when he wins, I cry. He taught me how to ride a bike for the first time. I kept falling and bruising myself but now I'm an ultimate professional in bike riding, okay! He chided me (teasingly) when I wouldn't go swim in the deeper pool although the depth is as frightening as a harmless kitten. It barely reached my mid-torso. Instead, I chose to swim in the kiddy pool instead -__-


He knew I wasn't afraid of the depth, but because there's a friggin' WHALE on the bottom of the pool. And the tiles which make up the whale is in a DARK BLUE color. I thought it was disgusting and dirty and maybe, rusty. Eventually, I went in and he told me I can just not step on the whale. Oh, he's horrible in badminton, because he's terribly uncoordinated when it comes to rackets. Doesn't help if you're left handed too. He's good in football, though. He occasionally barges in my room to tell me about his dilemmas and more grandfather tales.


We used to watch Playhouse Disney together, although he favors Cartoon Network. He doesn't watch the telly much anymore, like me. When we were young, we made a tent after watching PB & J with his blanket and some kitchen chairs and we ate lunch under it. Our favorite Playhouse Disney cartoon was Rollie Pollie Ollie. He knows exactly how I like my chicken rice to be too! Yesterday he bought it, with a combination of "siew yuk" and "char siew". He scoops cauliflower and baby corns for me when Dad orders the Claypot Tofu.


His greatest pet peeve is he cuts his nails in the living room and in front of the computer!! Cue in the disgusted noises He is also, very bad in the dancing mat. How can a person be bad in a dancing mat? He can. Kids instinctively flock to him, even if he's a stranger to them. He's good with children, something which I have yet to understand. Maybe because he doesn't have the urge to squash them, like I do.


In the middle of the year, I had a crush on Staircase, and he knew about it. Of course, I was very infatuated for no reason at all. He didn't agree to it. He said what I should've realized at first, which is, he is a dick and he's a lonely, desperate loser who doesn't have guts at all. He said, "If he wants to come near to you, ask him to come see me first!" and he stalks off in a huff. I am speechless, once again.

My Mum once told us this, "If both your Mum and Dad are gone, you have no one to rely on except for your brother. Because you're family."

Say I'm cuter! :)

A Dosh of Intensity

Not ready to let go
Cause then I'd never know
What I could be missing
But I’m missing way too much
So when do I give up what I’ve been wishing for
I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna to fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?

- Down, Jason Walker

Once again, I'm coming up with a list of the latest and greatest (or crappiest) movies we should all watch. Like the last time. Well, truth be told, I haven't watched all of the movies from that list yet. Not even half of them, because it takes eons for them to arrive here. I've watched 4 of the eleven movies I've listed.

It may not seem like a wise choice to make another list, because I've got my hands full trying to watch them all, but who cares? Summer is over, and here's what's to expect. One thing I've noticed is that most of the movies are very engaging and bleak. In layman terms, deadly serious. It's not as light as the ones before, probably because a lot of the upcoming movies are action, adventure and thriller movies.

Major setback being in Asia other than the occasional concert postponings and cancellations.. Most of the movies are set to be released in 2010, meaning, it'll be ages before we'll get to watch them.


1. New Moon




Everyone knows what New Moon is about. The hype alone is enough to suffocate a person. It is undeniably exciting to anticipate this to see if they took it to the next level :)





This is the longest, current trailer I can find, by the way.



2. A Christmas Carol




It's Jim Carrey as Scrooge. Does anybody not know what Charles Dickens' timeless tale is about? Just for the kick of it, it's about old miser who must face the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future. Robert Zemeckis is behind this which means it's gonna pwn you. WaiYip doesn't know who Scrooge is -__- Goodness, he is so deprived...








3. The Road





I used to have a childhood crush on Viggo Mortensen because I thought he was extremely ruggedly handsome. I haven't seen him act in a long while and here he is, delivering in an award-winning performance, I heard. This movie is about a post-apocalyptic tale of a man and his son trying to survive by any means possible. Charlize Theron is in it too and I am putting this on top of my list.








4. Fame




This is a remake of the original Oscar®-winning hit film, Fame which follows a talented group of dancers, singers, actors, and artists at the New York City High School of Performing Arts. They'll learn what's necessary to achieve what they want most, fame, while dealing with their own sets of issues. I took a peek at the soundtrack and it sounds awesome. I don't care if the critics said it was a let down, this is a must-watch because hell, everybody loves inspirational musicals!








5. Prince of Persia




Originally a video game, it's being made into an action and adventure movie now. I couldn't be more ecstatic about it because it has Jake Gyllenhaal in it and the trailer looks impressive. I have no idea what it is about except from what I learned from the trailer which is : there's a dagger used to turn back the sands of time and evil wants it. Sounds average and common but watch the trailer or Google the storyline!!








6. The Box




I'm a huge Cameron Diaz supporter, and I'm glad she's finally made a thriller because she's usually the romantic comedy type. The whole story of this movie is about how a couple receives an anonymous gift. It is a simple wooden box, that has a button in it. At the press of the button, they will receive $1 million dollars but someone somewhere in the world they don't know, will die. What an intriguing idea... What would you do? I know what I'll do.








7. Me and Orson Welles




Orson Welles is one of the best American film director, writer, actor and producer. This movie is about how a teenager (Zac Efron) is cast in the Mercury Theatre production of "Julius Caesar" directed by a young Orson Welles in 1937. They say that this movie is a lovely, charming portrayal of Orson. I have no idea who Orson is up untill now, I'm guessing many don't either. The critics also say that it is possibly the best movie about theatre ever made. Zac Efron has talents, after all.







8. Salt




Honestly, it's been such a long time since Angelina Jolie has come up with a movie. I almost forgot that she is an actress. The movie is about Evelyn Salt (Angelina Jolie) is a CIA officer and she is accused by a defector of being a Russian spy. Salt goes on the run to clear her name. She must use all of her skills and years of experience to elude capture or the world's most powerful forces will erase any trace of her existence. I watched the thriller and it looks good :)






9. Princess and the Frog




This movie has a twist on the traditional Frog Prince tale that takes place in New Orlean's French Quarter. I think it must be an awesome remake (it looks and sounds like it) and I'm happy that Disney finally produced a worthy 2D animated movie. Frankly, Disney should stick to 2D.








10. Percy Jackson and The Olympians : The Lightning Thief




More and more movies are based on best selling novels, I noticed. This movie which based on a best selling children's novel is about a young boy who discovers he's the descendant of a Greek god and sets out on an adventure to settle an on-going battle between the gods. I've always been interested in Greek mythology and its history so this is a must watch for me! I think it's going be epic. The actor who acts as Percy Jackson is really good-looking :)








11. Valentine's Day




A miracle of all miracles happened, I found a romantic comedy in the midst of all the adrenaline overwhelming movies! From the director of Pretty Woman, comes this movie about how the lives of ten people in Los Angeles intersect on Valentine's Day. This movie has a full blown STAR STUDDED cast. It has Anne Hathaway, Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Garner, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Julia Roberts, Jamie Foxx, Patrick Dempsey, Emma Roberts, Ashton Kutcher... It reminds me of He's Just Not That Into You. Critics say that packing "big names" into a movie doesn't necessarily work, but I say to hell with it.









Happy watching (and waiting in agony), everybody. Au revoir, my lovelies :)

I Want A Monthly Allowance

All those plans that I made for myself
I've got nobody else to lean on
Gone so far with my head in the clouds
Now it's time to come down and be gone
Downtown Saturday
In a better way
Than I ever was before
Don't need anyone
Standing in my sun
Don't need that anymore

- Find My Way, The Gabe Dixon Band.

I bought my first romance novel when I was 12, without realizing it contained streaks of romance in it. It was called Seven Tears Into The Sea by Terri Farley and the book is currently sitting idly in my bookshelf. If there is one thing I remember most about the book is how I asked Li Teng who has the book, what the book was about besides it being a story about fantasies and myths. Li Teng said something about how boring it is because it was about romance but she has to finish it because she has a principle of finishing books when she starts reading one.


I didn't want to finish the book because it was awfully descriptive and I didn't give a damn about fictional romance when real life is tangible and waiting. The only sane explanation I can come up with is that my imagination and mind wasn't as clouded with romantic fantasies as it is now. I wonder what happened through the course of these 4 years.


I stopped reading the book eventually because I couldn't take no more. I picked it up again a year later because Li Teng's principle about having to finish a book has always been nagging me inside. I started reading it again, expecting no significant difference in it. What I unwillingly realized was that I had a whole new perspective for the book after finding myself halfway through it. I wanted to know if Jesse (the male character) ends up with Gwen (the female character). I wanted Jesse to do something or anything romantic with Gwen.


Yesterday I was looking at my bookshelf for the umpteenth time, something I do when I can't sleep. I ran through the slightly yellowed pages and noticed that the book was not awfully descriptive or long-winded at all. It was what a good fantasy book should be, a good amount of exposition and illumination. I thought I loathed it, but I ended up loving it. How contradictory can a person be? This, unfortunately, cannot be said when it comes to liking someone. You either click or don't.


On another note, I found my favorite song of all time! Or, at least - it ought to be my favorite song! It's called Find My Way by The Gabe Dixon Band. It's featured as the smashing opening song in The Proposal. I read the genre and it says "indie" and I couldn't laugh any louder because whoever who labeled them "indie" clearly doesn't have a lucid mind, or have not heard indie music before. I remember telling someone that indie music gives me headaches (though a fraction of them are worth listening to) and the person said a-matter-of-factly, "Indian music? No wonder. I hate it too, it's just so disgusting." What is the world coming to?! I get very worked up when it comes to misunderstandings.

I'd like to think that The Gabe Dixon Band are more towards old school rock, like the Jets. I started singing the song every morning because it's damn uplifting. The opening of the song is jovial enough to serve as your Red Bull for the day.

See, I shit you not.

Scared I Am

Tell me, tell me whatcha said (said)
I really need you in my life
Cuz things ain't right
Cause when the roof cave in
and the truth came out
I just didn't know what to do
But when I become a star
we'll be living so large
I'll do anything for you

- Whatcha Say, Jason Derulo

To be honest, I'm not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed. I tactfully admit that I'm not the moon in the sky, I'm just one of the stars. I'm not awfully fearless because I'm not Joan of Arc, I don't have an imaginary armor, shielding me from life's great misery. I get daunted easily, from... the darkness of my room where I can't see anything because I thought I might suddenly be blind, but then I see the small, green blip from the air-conditioner and know I'm a-okay... to walking down the quiet street of my housing area, unguarded.


I'm scared for the people who are careless enough to not give a second thought to what they're doing. They appear to be nonchalant and heedless because they are confident that they are safe but every swamp has its crocodiles. I'm scared for them. I'm scared that they might end up falling and breaking their necks. Who knows? A spilt second is just what we need to change everything.


I'm scared about the future. Seeing the rehearsal for the Senior 5's Graduation Day today brought this strange, frightening feeling. I said this for the umpteenth time but I will say it again. I can't believe it's been a year already, and thinking about next year is very, very daunting. I'll be sitting for SPM next year. I'm scared about the stress that is bound to envelope me.


How much can I take before my head turns into dust? Trust me, you don't want to see that day coming. I'm scared I'll be leaving the security blankets which school had always provided for me. I have no doubt I'll be able to survive (and survive fashionably, I will) but it's a big change. It's the falling down the cliff into oblivion theory again.


I'm scared that I would stay like this forever. I don't want to be. Nobody wants to be stagnant. I want to be taller than my current 171cm frame, to be thinner than what I already am, to be more... in tune with the world. Yet, there is a part of me which doesn't wanna give it all way. I can sense all the changes in me. I can't sleep later than 11pm because I will feel very drowsy, I can't wake up later than 11am, either. I don't eat sweets anymore and I don't like sugar. I don't watch Disney as frequently and I don't give a shit about all the useless celebrity crap.


Oh, I don't watch a lot of telly, except for National Geographic, Discovery and History Channel, AXN, AFC and Hallmark. I sound so boring, watching all these boring channels, but it entertains me! What the fuck, right? I feel like things which were worldly to me, now seem like a grain of sand. I grumble about people's immaturity too, when I'm only fucking sixteen! Wait, I started swearing openly also. You might notice that I'm using a lot of "fuck", "hell" and "bitch" in my posts. It just comes naturally.


Among all these new idiosyncrasies which I now have, I still have my same habits. I'm still the slowest in my family when it comes to preparing things (because they don't care about details and neatness), I'm still very obsessed with cute guys with broad shoulders, veins in their arms, an overall hot bod. I still drink juice from the carton sneakily. I'm still NOT a morning person, needing people to wake me up everyday. I still complain about needing to brush my teeth everyday and night. I still have my Hello Kitty with me.


I'm scared of what we are doing to the environment. I sound like a damn hypocrite saying this, because I'm typing this in a heavily air-conditioned room. But, hypocrisy aside, the consequences are worth being concerned about. I read this story written by a guy who is the same age as I am, and his story about the end of the world was so vivid, it was so graphic. I went harebrained for a moment and returned to my normal self. Frankly, I'm not scared at all. I'm just concerned and curious about what 2012 is going to be like. There's a possibility that it's something we conjured up ourselves and it has nothing to do with the Mayan's calendar. Armageddon... Judgement Day... or simply put, The End of the World.



The point is, I'm scared shitless sometimes. Not the entirely, sweat-provoking sort of scared which makes the ends of your hair stand. Just, excited, blank, plain scared. The kind of scared you get when you don't know what to expect. They say fear is what's keep us going, we need fear. Yet, fear is a weapon against ourselves. I must have gotten that out from some action-thriller movie. I have to live the moment to find out if that's true. I'm not Cerberus, a dog with many heads who guards the Gates of Hell. I don't have that aura of strength to scare the shit out of anything from attempting to reach me. Right now, I wanna forget all these fears which is eating up on me. All I wanna do is just to partay at Liza's 16th.

The Hello Kitty I was talking about :



When I was seven, I tried painting the left eye with black marker pen because the color was fading. Obviously it failed...












PS* I got a new diary where I write things I can't write here and I wrapped it with black sugar paper. How awesome is that?
I know, it's friggin' wicked.

All The Way There

I am here still waiting
though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best,
like you've already figured out
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning

- Broken, Lifehouse

I miss Shan, my BFF. Getting even more envious now that you get the chance to gawk at models (and yet, you chose not to!!) and shop for lingerie at La Senza.





All the way from Dubai, Shan sent me this.

-__-"


I confess: fictional characters are very very appealing. I've been in love (still am!) with Darcy, Justin, Luke, Bishop, all of Judith McNaught's male characters and other fictional characters. I guess what she sent me is fitting. There is something very mysterious and they give you this strange, satisfying out-of-the-world feeling to you.


Currently even more fitting because I spend every single waking hour thinking about Stefan Salvatore in the Vampire Diaries (Paul Wesley). Ghia and her book, and Michelle and her post about the show did this to me! But, I don't regret it at all because this is who I think about:



I've decided that a picture of Paul Wesley sums it all up.
How infatuated I am over Stefan, and how happy I am because Paul is the actor for this amazing character.
He is undeniably mine :)


There's only one problem here. Stefan (or Paul), hardly smiles! Just looking and watching him, makes my lips ache because I want to see him smile a big toothy grin. I Googled, "Paul Wesley smiling" and "Does Paul Wesley smile?"... but alas, to no avail.

French Cleaning

You came into my life
And I thought hey
You know, this could be something
'Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing
'Cause maybe it's true, that I can't live without you
Well maybe two is better than one

- Two Is Better Than One, Boys Like Girls ft. Taylor Swift

There are a lot of things which I want to write and rant about. After all, isn't this the age of sharing your business with others? Most of them are short thoughts and ideas, I thought I would and could continue them, but never did. I don't have a short attention span and I don't get distracted easily when it comes to something I like so I'm clueless as to why I've so many unfinished posts.


That is why I have so many short drafts lying around my blog which I've never posted. Besides having them in the blog, I have them in Notepad and Microsoft Word. I have SO many of them that my whole folder is just filled with that little Notepad and Word icon. I don't know what I'll do if Notepad wasn't invented.


All of the posts are from a different time, some very recent, some a lot of months back. I have to gather them up somehow so these are some of it :



Title:
Nothing In My Mind Except Dark Chocolate

Post:
I'm writing this in the middle of the night while having an inch-thick dark chocolate bar. Not telling you the brand because then you would find out my secret to late night happiness! I wanted to sleep at 9, but I couldn't pull myself away from the Internet. I start thinking of what eating this chocolate means. It means... getting fat. Wait, I'll tell you the brand. It's Patchi. Okay, now we're getting fat together!



Title:
I Hate My Dad

Post:
I HATE MY DAD. I HATE MY DAD AGAIN. WHY IS HE EVEN ALIVE? TO RUIN OUR LIVES EVEN MORE?! The evil bitch that he is.



Title:
Sushi Overload

Post:
My eating sushi yesterday in the car after the extra classes triggered this post. I'm not crazy about sushi but there's something about them. It's like, eating sushi grants you to the pathway of fame or gives you another topic to talk about with strangers, like liking vampires. You strike a good impression if you like vampires and can talk about Twilight all year long. Same goes to sushi, I suppose.


Title:
Further Under the Duvet

Post:
Marian Keyes is one of the best authors, in my opinion. Her books are always hilarious, witty and meaningful. I've read this book three times and recently I read it again. This book is a second volume (the first one was called Under The Duvet) of her journalism pieces, previously unpublished writing and several short stories.



Title:
Yo Yi Yun, My Love

Post:
I got my Whitney, My Love today! I wish I wish I wish that Judith McNaught's male characters would come to life and be by my side! I would be utterly and ecstatically happy forever!


Title:
Untitled

Post:
FUCK 3RD TERM! I GIVE UP. DON'T THINK I CARE.



Title:
In The Car

Post:
I clutched the History book tightly when I was in the car. It was like I was trying to absorb the contents into me. Maybe, just maybe, I thought. I got out of the car and... nothing. I didn't get anything. Shit.



Title:
Classmates and Fries

Post:
I think my friends and teachers doubt my intelligence. Probably because I refuse to take Add Math. But, it's my choice so, scoot off. I somewhat can't tolerate fuckers deriding other people's intelligence when they're even more fucked up themselves. Don't chide others unless you're fucking Einstein.