Au Revoir

400 posts later, I am here to say, I'm moving on from imCaely. It's been a good run and I'll read all my previous full-on-young-teenager writings when I have the time. But, for now, I don't know if I should shut this blog down, keep it private or let it be. Bye now!


Of course, this is not the end of my blogging phase. I'm venturing into blogging phase two. My new blog, named Capturing Caely is down here, just click on the link:

http://www.capturingcaely.blogspot.com

Enjoy!

Deal With The Hand You've Been Dealt With

The above title is something I've been constantly telling myself.

Here's a couple of lyrics from Linkin Park, both new and old. I relate them all to my current situation. My current situation is self-inflicted bleakness. It's sunshines and rainbows if I can just let it be. But, I can't. A month more to go and I feel like I'm this loser who avoids and avoids and avoids. Floating around. I know I have a lot to climb, but damn, I keep tripping. I also feel like I have weak mental control, self-control equals zero. I keep losing my balance, is my semicircular canal not working? God, this mountain is steep as hell.




I'm swimming in the smoke, of bridges I have burned.
So, don't apologize. I'm losing what I don't deserve.
The pain is mine alone.

-Burning in the Skies.



Waiting for the end to come. Wish I had the strength to stand.
This is not what I had planned. It's out of my control.
I know what it takes to move on. I know how it feels to lie.
All I wanna do is trade this life for something new.
Holding on to what I haven't got.

- Waiting For The End.


One thing, I don't know why. It doesn't even matter how hard you try.
Time, is a valuable thing. Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings.
Watch it count down to the end of the day, the clock ticks life away.
It's so unreal. Watch time go right out the window.
I tried so hard and got so far.

- In The End.





I know I can change this. In every moanful situation I go through in my head, it always turn out well. Since I'm one of those astute people, I can feel it. But, there's this nagging sensation in me that's so pessimistic and so calculative of the situation. Every time it comes out, I imagine myself, opening a bin and chucking that sensation in there (usually in a form of a spider) and burning the bin.


I tell myself, "Positive outcomes only. Bring it."



(Yes, that sentence is a reference to Hellcats which is an actual all-too-silly show I really like)

Flying at the Speed of Light

Driving through the city to the temple station,
Cries into the leather sea,
And Susie knows the baby was a familiy man,
But the world has got him down on his knees.
So she throws him at the wall and kisses burn like fire,
And suddenly he starts to believe,
He takes her in his arms he doesn't know why,
But it seems that he begins to see:
Don't let go! Never give up - it's such a wonderful life.

- Wonderful Life, Hurts

"Surfing the Internet" has a place in many of our list of hobbies. I remember once (3-5 years ago) it was on mine because I simply had nothing to do besides going online and reading. Now, I have yoga to fill the spot and kick the Internet to the curb. But, I do still love the Internet, more than ever, since I discovered so many sites I love! I think it tells people a bit of your personality. Sites like Facebook does not count because it is a social networking site and everyone goes in there. To socialize. Here's a list of the sites I visit everyday and every other day:


1. Youtube :
This counts because what videos you watch sums your interests up. I know some watch animes, Korean dramas, tech videos, viral videos etc. I watch.... beauty videos! No surprise there. You're probably bored from hearing this. Let me give you examples because the videos I watch are not just make-up tutorials. Frankly, I have no interest in make-up tutorials because I don't really wear make-up.

Instead, I love videos like monthly beauty products favorites (click here), clothing hauls (click here) and everything from scents to school stuff (click here). Aside from all things beauty, I love watching vlogs from the same beauty Youtubers (click here) because most of them are teens and young adults, so they're very relatable. I watch people like Sxephil, ShaneDawson, Onision and RayWilliamJohnson too.




2. Science and Environment:
I have a bookmark named this and inside that bookmark folder I have Discovery News, Planet Green, How Stuff Works, NatGeo News, Mother Nature Network and Bliss Tree. I check these sites every other day and spend a huge amount of time on them. I'm on the verge of becoming a Discovery junkie because I watch the channel all the time, go on their site and recently, started buying their magazine. Planet Green and HSW are also under the Discovery company. I like NatGeo as much too.

In layman terms, Discovery makes you go, "I never knew that. Good to know!" while NatGeo makes you go, "Aaaaaahhhhh". I found out that these sites are my portals of choice to knowing more about the world. It's quite cool, really.




3. News & Views
Another bookmark I have and inside it I have: BBC UK, New York Times, The Daily Mail UK, The Mirror UK and Sodahead. A few years ago, I was happy with not knowing what is going on around me until someone tells me. I'm not happy now! I feel like I'm missing out on something. I've learned so much ever since I started being in tune with the world. It's a good feeling. Here's a place where you can try reading some of the world's top newspaper in English (click here).




4. Sports:
'Nuff said. I go to ESPN Tennis, ESPN Football, Bayern's official site, Bayern's forum, the ATP and WTA sites. Ah, what a wonderful world. I wouldn't call yoga a "sport" but I need to put it somewhere, don't I? So it goes in here. I go to Yogatic by Esther Eckhart (my guru on Youtube), Yoga Journal and Yoga by Tara Stiles most of the time.




I keep them all in respective bookmark folders, so it's organized and neat... unlike my brother and Dad who's got everything all over the place. See, it tells you that I love beauty and style, I love knowing about today's environment and news, I love tennis and football and yoga. It also tells you I like to stay organized, even when I'm on the Internet. But, who doesn't have bookmarks right? It's the greatest thing invented since Google and tabbed browsing. So, what are your favorite places on the Internet?








PS* Shan, if you're reading this, you don't need to answer because I know what you're going to say, you Tumblr junkie.

Are You Really Sure You Can Stay Friends?

This is not the end
This is not the beginning
With fists flying up in the air
Like we’re holding onto something that’s invisible there
Cuz we’re living at the mercy of the pain and the fear
Until we dead it forget it
Let it all disappear
Waiting for the end to come
Wishing I had strenght to stand
This is not what I had planned
It’s out of my control


- Waiting for The End, Linkin Park

To be honest, I feel that I would keep in contact, at most, with 3 friends from my bunch of high school friends. Even then, I would peg them as "high school friends" won't I? Then, I would have my "college friends", then "work friends"....

Just because you were once best friends, does not mean you have to stay best friends forever.

I will not tie someone down like that, nor am I interested to. If you want to move on, go on. No one's stopping you. I often tell myself that and it has giving me the liberty of having no ties to anyone. I don't really mind. That's for friendships. For relationships, I'm a bit hopeful and limiting (hehe).

I have no idea where this is going to go but I just wanted to write a little on what I think. The year is unceremoniously ending and I just thought we all should do a wake up call.

School is ending. The whole process of waking up early, wearing a uniform and going to school... that's no more! Well, I can be sad about it, but I'm not. I'm glad.

I feel like my mentality does not belong in these walls anymore. All that's left that's pulling me down is SPM. If SPM doesn't exist, I wouldn't give a shit and would just take my finals, graduate and say bye.

I've accepted the fact that all my friends now aren't going to my friends anymore next year. You know how "lazy" and not motivated I am when communicating with other people. Garett borrowed me his phone because mine went haywire and people still can't contact me because I can't be bothered to charge it.

It's just that everything changes and friendship bonds are not as strong as they seem on television. Just saying what I think. I am, by no means, a cynic. It's a fact, everyone. Ask anyone and they would say, "Oh, I'm still in contact with like, 2 of my friends in high school". Where did the rest go?

You can try your best to stay in touch with everyone but at the end of the day, you'll stop eventually. I can imagine Lyn giving me that mock-furious face now. I kept in touch with a Junior friend with letters for about 5 years and suddenly, we stopped. I didn't know who stopped first and essentially, that's not important. Eventually, we just didn't care anymore.

Garett agrees with me. People come and go. It's a fact of life. Well, I might be a little sad about leaving my routine, my comfort zone but hey, I'm not a vampire. I'm human, therefore, I evolve.

I've accepted the harder fact. We all should too.

Superstitions, Breakouts and Tennis

I didn't feel
The fairytale feeling, no.
Am I a stupid girl
For even dreaming that I could.
If it's not like the movies,
Thats how it should be, yeah.
When he's the one,
I'll come undone,
And my world will stop spinning
And that's just the beginning, yeah.
Snow white said when I was young,
"One day my prince will come."
So I wait for that date


- Not Like The Movies, Katy Perry

Rafa and his famous bottles.

Nobody I know is a tennis person but I'm sure you know who World No.1 Rafael Nadal is. And, he is superstitious! If you've been watching him, you'll know how he arranges his water bottles in every match. He is very, very meticulous about them. He adjusts them accordingly in this specific angle, the labels must face the baseline. He takes about 20 seconds doing this. I also read that his socks must be 15cm up his legs.



I consider myself a fairly superstitious person. Not to the extreme because I was never an extremist in anything. I hate it when people cross the line so obviously I wouldn't do so myself.


I suppose, the reason why I'm superstitious is because I have always been open to the supernatural and unexplainable side of things. I don't know if supernatural "forces" exist but you don't know that it doesn't either so why close yourself off possibilities?


This is the precarious thing about "possibilities". There are so many ways a thing can go wrong, or right. So, I guess it's always better for me to vouch for myself, even if it means being superstitious.


Superstitions can be ridden off by science and logic, as always, science is a superhero:


There's this superstition that I'm pretty sure all women know of: do not drink cold drinks when you're having your period. Also, do not wash your hair.


I've always been, "What the hell?" about this. What does washing my hair has got to do with my period?! I'm lucky my Mom doesn't force me upon doing this because I am not a happy person when my hair is greasy. To have to endure an average of 5 days of not washing my hair? Kick my ass!


The no-drinking-cold-beverages reasoning is a bit tricky because everyone seems to buy it. I personally don't believe in it, because all food and fluids change temperature the instant it enters our bodies. I do it only to please my Mom so she wouldn't chew my ear off about it. You see, if it weren't for science and logic, we would be stuck with senseless superstition.


The other day, we had our Biology dissection, where we dissected lab mice. I partnered up with Wai Yip and we both agreed not to do anything unnecessary to the mice because it had died for us. We thought it had endured enough and we shouldn't cut its eyes or tongue off like the others. Well, what if it happens to us? Maybe cutting its head or tail off would bring us bad luck.


As inane as they sound, I do think that superstitions are necessary. It pulls us back down to earth. At least, that's what I think.


But, why do we always have to be extremists? Like, calm the fuck down. I read yesterday's newspaper about how this Indian father killed his baby son for fear of bad luck. Apparently, the boy was heavier than the average and had two teeth at the time of birth.


How is that a sign of bad luck? Surely, the doctors could explain why the baby was born like that and as a parent, once you've heard the logic, move the fuck on and be happy you have a baby! See, now the crazy man goes to jail (hopefully he does, it wasn't stated on the paper though) because of his blind fears.


Karma is a form of superstition, isn't it? I think so. I always have the karma-awareness at the back of my head. It does tire me out a little, but it makes me a better person. Keeps my conscience in check. I hope it keeps yours in check too :)

-----

I'm writing this while watching the US Open 2010 Men's Finals. Can I rant on about tennis now? Sure, I can.




It's the match between Nadal and Djokovic. I'm rooting for Nadal, as always. It's the second set now and the commentators are commenting about Nadal's shoe choices. Apparently, he has 3 different ones and uses them according to the time of day. I like both of the commentators, Luke Jensen and Tim Ryan. They're fun!

I get why Luke and Tim are so interested in his shoes. Look at them, they're bloody glow in the dark!

I'm worried because Djokovic is bringing it on. Nadal is always 110% on court, you can see it on his face. He has so much ground power. Off the court, he's gracious and smiley. He always brings his "suave eyebrows" whenever he answers a question.


Tim just described the weather as "spooky". See what I mean by them being fun with their comments? Wow, Nadal is frustrated and pressured now. It's entertaining for my sleepy eyes and mind.



I'm really liking all of Maria's outfits too. How do I even get a hold of them?

Although I've been sleeping early but it's an on and off thing. I have not been good about waking early. Waking early is one of my good habits because I feel accomplished when I wake early and then proceed to love my day. I'm having small spots on my forehead. Reason being: inconsistent sleeping patterns, coffee and chocolate. I can never, never, never drink coffee or eat chocolate without breaking out.

Have a great morning and don't let anything get to your head,
Caely.

I Hope This Provokes Your Thoughts

It can't out matched
It can't be outrun
No
And when I close my eyes tonight
To symphonies of blinding light
(God save us everyone,
Will we burn inside the fires of a thousand suns?
Oh)
Like memories in cold decay
Transmissions echoing away
Far from the world of you and I
Where oceans bleed into the sky

- The Catalyst, Linkin Park

Viva La Vida is actually one of my favorite songs. Stating that says a lot because I have only a small number of songs I like. Perhaps I'll list them down here one day. Songs and music pieces come and go but the ones that stays, are the ones I respect and admire. Coldplay is one of my favorite bands as well, because if you truly know their music and lyrics, you'll know why I love them so much.


I came across these paintings while searching for that song on Youtube. I thought I'd share them with you, because they made me think about a vast majority of the thoughts that were already on my mind. No doubt, this set of 5 paintings are beautiful and has so much meaning in it, depending on how you see it. It's the work of Thomas Cole. It reminds me of how far we've come and how everything will eventually end.


I have so much to say in this topic but time is not allowing me to do so. I only have a 10-minute break and it's well over 10 minutes. Hopefully, I'll fill this post up with what I think, later.

#1 Savage



#2Pastoral



#3 Empire



#4 Destruction



#5 Desolation



If the paintings here aren't big enough, click here for a bigger picture. I stared at each of the painting for a really long while, thinking about each of the detail and trying to come up with a conclusion. You should do it too, to refine your mind a little bit.


If you think you're not the type of person who is interested in these things, think again. Life is not all about auto-tuned pop crap music and stupid, inane comedic stuff that I feel wouldn't get me anywhere (I hate them anyway)
We all should learn to find perspective and edge.


So, what do you think?

Some tennis talk: Congratulations to 3rd time winner, Kim Clijsters for winning the US Open 2010. I'm so excited for the Men's finals between Nadal and Djokovic!