imCaely

Au Revoir

2010-11-06T15:03:00.003+08:00

400 posts later, I am here to say, I'm moving on from imCaely. It's been a good run and I'll read all my previous full-on-young-teenager writings when I have the time. But, for now, I don't know if I should shut this blog down, keep it private or let it be. Bye now!

Of course, this is not the end of my blogging phase. I'm venturing into blogging phase two. My new blog, named Capturing Caely is down here, just click on the link:

http://www.capturingcaely.blogspot.com

Enjoy!

Deal With The Hand You've Been Dealt With

2010-10-24T15:44:00.003+08:00

The above title is something I've been constantly telling myself.

Here's a couple of lyrics from Linkin Park, both new and old. I relate them all to my current situation. My current situation is self-inflicted bleakness. It's sunshines and rainbows if I can just let it be. But, I can't. A month more to go and I feel like I'm this loser who avoids and avoids and avoids. Floating around. I know I have a lot to climb, but damn, I keep tripping. I also feel like I have weak mental control, self-control equals zero. I keep losing my balance, is my semicircular canal not working? God, this mountain is steep as hell.

I'm swimming in the smoke, of bridges I have burned.
So, don't apologize. I'm losing what I don't deserve.
The pain is mine alone.

-Burning in the Skies.

Waiting for the end to come. Wish I had the strength to stand.
This is not what I had planned. It's out of my control.
I know what it takes to move on. I know how it feels to lie.
All I wanna do is trade this life for something new.
Holding on to what I haven't got.

- Waiting For The End.

One thing, I don't know why. It doesn't even matter how hard you try.
Time, is a valuable thing. Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings.
Watch it count down to the end of the day, the clock ticks life away.
It's so unreal. Watch time go right out the window.
I tried so hard and got so far.

- In The End.

I know I can change this. In every moanful situation I go through in my head, it always turn out well. Since I'm one of those astute people, I can feel it. But, there's this nagging sensation in me that's so pessimistic and so calculative of the situation. Every time it comes out, I imagine myself, opening a bin and chucking that sensation in there (usually in a form of a spider) and burning the bin.

I tell myself, "Positive outcomes only. Bring it."

(Yes, that sentence is a reference to Hellcats which is an actual all-too-silly show I really like)

Flying at the Speed of Light

2010-10-05T12:38:00.004+08:00

Driving through the city to the temple station,
Cries into the leather sea,
And Susie knows the baby was a familiy man,
But the world has got him down on his knees.
So she throws him at the wall and kisses burn like fire,
And suddenly he starts to believe,
He takes her in his arms he doesn't know why,
But it seems that he begins to see:
Don't let go! Never give up - it's such a wonderful life.

- Wonderful Life, Hurts

"Surfing the Internet" has a place in many of our list of hobbies. I remember once (3-5 years ago) it was on mine because I simply had nothing to do besides going online and reading. Now, I have yoga to fill the spot and kick the Internet to the curb. But, I do still love the Internet, more than ever, since I discovered so many sites I love! I think it tells people a bit of your personality. Sites like Facebook does not count because it is a social networking site and everyone goes in there. To socialize. Here's a list of the sites I visit everyday and every other day:

1. Youtube :
This counts because what videos you watch sums your interests up. I know some watch animes, Korean dramas, tech videos, viral videos etc. I watch.... beauty videos! No surprise there. You're probably bored from hearing this. Let me give you examples because the videos I watch are not just make-up tutorials. Frankly, I have no interest in make-up tutorials because I don't really wear make-up.

Instead, I love videos like monthly beauty products favorites (click here), clothing hauls (click here) and everything from scents to school stuff (click here). Aside from all things beauty, I love watching vlogs from the same beauty Youtubers (click here) because most of them are teens and young adults, so they're very relatable. I watch people like Sxephil, ShaneDawson, Onision and RayWilliamJohnson too.

2. Science and Environment:
I have a bookmark named this and inside that bookmark folder I have Discovery News, Planet Green, How Stuff Works, NatGeo News, Mother Nature Network and Bliss Tree. I check these sites every other day and spend a huge amount of time on them. I'm on the verge of becoming a Discovery junkie because I watch the channel all the time, go on their site and recently, started buying their magazine. Planet Green and HSW are also under the Discovery company. I like NatGeo as much too.

In layman terms, Discovery makes you go, "I never knew that. Good to know!" while NatGeo makes you go, "Aaaaaahhhhh". I found out that these sites are my portals of choice to knowing more about the world. It's quite cool, really.

3. News & Views
Another bookmark I have and inside it I have: BBC UK, New York Times, The Daily Mail UK, The Mirror UK and Sodahead. A few years ago, I was happy with not knowing what is going on around me until someone tells me. I'm not happy now! I feel like I'm missing out on something. I've learned so much ever since I started being in tune with the world. It's a good feeling. Here's a place where you can try reading some of the world's top newspaper in English (click here).

4. Sports:
'Nuff said. I go to ESPN Tennis, ESPN Football, Bayern's official site, Bayern's forum, the ATP and WTA sites. Ah, what a wonderful world. I wouldn't call yoga a "sport" but I need to put it somewhere, don't I? So it goes in here. I go to Yogatic by Esther Eckhart (my guru on Youtube), Yoga Journal and Yoga by Tara Stiles most of the time.

I keep them all in respective bookmark folders, so it's organized and neat... unlike my brother and Dad who's got everything all over the place. See, it tells you that I love beauty and style, I love knowing about today's environment and news, I love tennis and football and yoga. It also tells you I like to stay organized, even when I'm on the Internet. But, who doesn't have bookmarks right? It's the greatest thing invented since Google and tabbed browsing. So, what are your favorite places on the Internet?

PS* Shan, if you're reading this, you don't need to answer because I know what you're going to say, you Tumblr junkie.

Are You Really Sure You Can Stay Friends?

2010-09-26T10:03:00.007+08:00

This is not the end
This is not the beginning
With fists flying up in the air
Like we’re holding onto something that’s invisible there
Cuz we’re living at the mercy of the pain and the fear
Until we dead it forget it
Let it all disappear
Waiting for the end to come
Wishing I had strenght to stand
This is not what I had planned
It’s out of my control

- Waiting for The End, Linkin Park

To be honest, I feel that I would keep in contact, at most, with 3 friends from my bunch of high school friends. Even then, I would peg them as "high school friends" won't I? Then, I would have my "college friends", then "work friends"....

Just because you were once best friends, does not mean you have to stay best friends forever.

I will not tie someone down like that, nor am I interested to. If you want to move on, go on. No one's stopping you. I often tell myself that and it has giving me the liberty of having no ties to anyone. I don't really mind. That's for friendships. For relationships, I'm a bit hopeful and limiting (hehe).

I have no idea where this is going to go but I just wanted to write a little on what I think. The year is unceremoniously ending and I just thought we all should do a wake up call.

School is ending. The whole process of waking up early, wearing a uniform and going to school... that's no more! Well, I can be sad about it, but I'm not. I'm glad.

I feel like my mentality does not belong in these walls anymore. All that's left that's pulling me down is SPM. If SPM doesn't exist, I wouldn't give a shit and would just take my finals, graduate and say bye.

I've accepted the fact that all my friends now aren't going to my friends anymore next year. You know how "lazy" and not motivated I am when communicating with other people. Garett borrowed me his phone because mine went haywire and people still can't contact me because I can't be bothered to charge it.

It's just that everything changes and friendship bonds are not as strong as they seem on television. Just saying what I think. I am, by no means, a cynic. It's a fact, everyone. Ask anyone and they would say, "Oh, I'm still in contact with like, 2 of my friends in high school". Where did the rest go?

You can try your best to stay in touch with everyone but at the end of the day, you'll stop eventually. I can imagine Lyn giving me that mock-furious face now. I kept in touch with a Junior friend with letters for about 5 years and suddenly, we stopped. I didn't know who stopped first and essentially, that's not important. Eventually, we just didn't care anymore.

Garett agrees with me. People come and go. It's a fact of life. Well, I might be a little sad about leaving my routine, my comfort zone but hey, I'm not a vampire. I'm human, therefore, I evolve.

I've accepted the harder fact. We all should too.

Superstitions, Breakouts and Tennis

2010-09-14T05:10:00.007+08:00

I didn't feel
The fairytale feeling, no.
Am I a stupid girl
For even dreaming that I could.
If it's not like the movies,
Thats how it should be, yeah.
When he's the one,
I'll come undone,
And my world will stop spinning
And that's just the beginning, yeah.
Snow white said when I was young,
"One day my prince will come."
So I wait for that date

- Not Like The Movies, Katy Perry

Rafa and his famous bottles.

Nobody I know is a tennis person but I'm sure you know who World No.1 Rafael Nadal is. And, he is superstitious! If you've been watching him, you'll know how he arranges his water bottles in every match. He is very, very meticulous about them. He adjusts them accordingly in this specific angle, the labels must face the baseline. He takes about 20 seconds doing this. I also read that his socks must be 15cm up his legs.

I consider myself a fairly superstitious person. Not to the extreme because I was never an extremist in anything. I hate it when people cross the line so obviously I wouldn't do so myself.

I suppose, the reason why I'm superstitious is because I have always been open to the supernatural and unexplainable side of things. I don't know if supernatural "forces" exist but you don't know that it doesn't either so why close yourself off possibilities?

This is the precarious thing about "possibilities". There are so many ways a thing can go wrong, or right. So, I guess it's always better for me to vouch for myself, even if it means being superstitious.

Superstitions can be ridden off by science and logic, as always, science is a superhero:

There's this superstition that I'm pretty sure all women know of: do not drink cold drinks when you're having your period. Also, do not wash your hair.

I've always been, "What the hell?" about this. What does washing my hair has got to do with my period?! I'm lucky my Mom doesn't force me upon doing this because I am not a happy person when my hair is greasy. To have to endure an average of 5 days of not washing my hair? Kick my ass!

The no-drinking-cold-beverages reasoning is a bit tricky because everyone seems to buy it. I personally don't believe in it, because all food and fluids change temperature the instant it enters our bodies. I do it only to please my Mom so she wouldn't chew my ear off about it. You see, if it weren't for science and logic, we would be stuck with senseless superstition.

The other day, we had our Biology dissection, where we dissected lab mice. I partnered up with Wai Yip and we both agreed not to do anything unnecessary to the mice because it had died for us. We thought it had endured enough and we shouldn't cut its eyes or tongue off like the others. Well, what if it happens to us? Maybe cutting its head or tail off would bring us bad luck.

As inane as they sound, I do think that superstitions are necessary. It pulls us back down to earth. At least, that's what I think.

But, why do we always have to be extremists? Like, calm the fuck down. I read yesterday's newspaper about how this Indian father killed his baby son for fear of bad luck. Apparently, the boy was heavier than the average and had two teeth at the time of birth.

How is that a sign of bad luck? Surely, the doctors could explain why the baby was born like that and as a parent, once you've heard the logic, move the fuck on and be happy you have a baby! See, now the crazy man goes to jail (hopefully he does, it wasn't stated on the paper though) because of his blind fears.

Karma is a form of superstition, isn't it? I think so. I always have the karma-awareness at the back of my head. It does tire me out a little, but it makes me a better person. Keeps my conscience in check. I hope it keeps yours in check too :)

-----

I'm writing this while watching the US Open 2010 Men's Finals. Can I rant on about tennis now? Sure, I can.

It's the match between Nadal and Djokovic. I'm rooting for Nadal, as always. It's the second set now and the commentators are commenting about Nadal's shoe choices. Apparently, he has 3 different ones and uses them according to the time of day. I like both of the commentators, Luke Jensen and Tim Ryan. They're fun!

I get why Luke and Tim are so interested in his shoes. Look at them, they're bloody glow in the dark!

I'm worried because Djokovic is bringing it on. Nadal is always 110% on court, you can see it on his face. He has so much ground power. Off the court, he's gracious and smiley. He always brings his "suave eyebrows" whenever he answers a question.

Tim just described the weather as "spooky". See what I mean by them being fun with their comments? Wow, Nadal is frustrated and pressured now. It's entertaining for my sleepy eyes and mind.

I'm really liking all of Maria's outfits too. How do I even get a hold of them?

Although I've been sleeping early but it's an on and off thing. I have not been good about waking early. Waking early is one of my good habits because I feel accomplished when I wake early and then proceed to love my day. I'm having small spots on my forehead. Reason being: inconsistent sleeping patterns, coffee and chocolate. I can never, never, never drink coffee or eat chocolate without breaking out.

Have a great morning and don't let anything get to your head,
Caely.

I Hope This Provokes Your Thoughts

2010-09-12T13:01:00.006+08:00

It can't out matched
It can't be outrun
No
And when I close my eyes tonight
To symphonies of blinding light
(God save us everyone,
Will we burn inside the fires of a thousand suns?
Oh)
Like memories in cold decay
Transmissions echoing away
Far from the world of you and I
Where oceans bleed into the sky

- The Catalyst, Linkin Park

Viva La Vida is actually one of my favorite songs. Stating that says a lot because I have only a small number of songs I like. Perhaps I'll list them down here one day. Songs and music pieces come and go but the ones that stays, are the ones I respect and admire. Coldplay is one of my favorite bands as well, because if you truly know their music and lyrics, you'll know why I love them so much.

I came across these paintings while searching for that song on Youtube. I thought I'd share them with you, because they made me think about a vast majority of the thoughts that were already on my mind. No doubt, this set of 5 paintings are beautiful and has so much meaning in it, depending on how you see it. It's the work of Thomas Cole. It reminds me of how far we've come and how everything will eventually end.

I have so much to say in this topic but time is not allowing me to do so. I only have a 10-minute break and it's well over 10 minutes. Hopefully, I'll fill this post up with what I think, later.

#1 Savage

#2Pastoral

#3 Empire

#4 Destruction

#5 Desolation

If the paintings here aren't big enough, click here for a bigger picture. I stared at each of the painting for a really long while, thinking about each of the detail and trying to come up with a conclusion. You should do it too, to refine your mind a little bit.

If you think you're not the type of person who is interested in these things, think again. Life is not all about auto-tuned pop crap music and stupid, inane comedic stuff that I feel wouldn't get me anywhere (I hate them anyway)
We all should learn to find perspective and edge.

So, what do you think?

Some tennis talk: Congratulations to 3rd time winner, Kim Clijsters for winning the US Open 2010. I'm so excited for the Men's finals between Nadal and Djokovic!

I'm Still Alive!

2010-08-26T22:30:00.003+08:00

The city of angels is lonely tonight
Keep myself alive by candlelight
Say she can't love you like I do
Look me in the eyes and say it's true
I ask myself, is this love at all
When I need you most you let me fall
I'm always here at the side of your stage
Let you live your life
Pretend I'm okay
(Don't' you know that this is over)
I'll be okay
I'll hold you close, we'll stay forever

- Take Me Along, Miley Cyrus
(it's actually really good)

I'm in the middle of packing, and I'm not in the mood to pack at all. I cannot function at night nowadays. In about.... 5 hours time, I'm supposed to be on my way to Thailand for a couple of days. I have to sit in the car for about 10 hours. Surely, I don't relish the thought of my arse cramping. I suppose my parents thought this mode of transport is more "adventurous"?

I'm an avid "Sodaheader". If you don't know what that is, go check out Sodahead. Opinions rule in that site. People post up questions and you give your comments. There is no right or wrong. You're welcome, don't need to thank me, just in case you like it. I have no idea where the article went but there was one question asking "Nature or Nurture?".

It was something along the lines of... "Which do you think shapes us to be who we are? Nature or nurture?"

I was intrigued by it. Therefore, inspired to blog about it.

At first, I thought to myself, nurture is the heavier one in deciding who we become. I see children behaving the same way as parents. It's all down to a person's family background and upbringing.

But, as I perused through the countless comments, I started to realize, it's actually a bit of both.

(I refuse to write further because my mind is not moving and I don't want to spoil this post. This topic requires more brain exercise than I thought. Can't blame me because I've been sleeping at 7-8pm for the past few months. But, I will continue when I can. Apologies for keeping you hanging!)

I'm Actually Very Sleepy Now... and it's only 8pm

2010-08-06T19:53:00.006+08:00

Tell me more, please show me
Something's familiar about these strangers like me
Every gesture, every move that she makes
Makes me feel like never before
Why do I have
This growing need to be beside her
I wanna know, can you show me
I wanna know about these strangers like me
Tell me more, please show me
Something's familiar about these strangers like me

- Strangers Like Me, Phil Collins

1. I told my friends about how I like Tarzan before our Biology class and they said: "Of course. He's all muscular and wearing only a loin cloth!" Sometimes, I get pretty annoyed when people think all that's in my mind are boys, boys, boys. Handsome guys in movies are a nice addition, not the reason I watch them. Moreover, Tarzan is a CARTOON CHARACTER. Just because I talk about boys openly and frequently, does not mean they're my priority... or my favorite sport. Lazy to explain to people. I like Tarzan because of his story with Jane and his journey. And, I adore the award-winning soundtrack. I downloaded all the songs, and still loving it!

I love the Old Disney. I say "old" because I've grown older and Disney is not the same anymore. Either that, or Disney is not like before. Which is true. They lack substance. I say this because I watched Pocahontas and Tarzan the other day and it brought back memories. What irks me is that almost every animation is 3D except for the fairly recent Princess and the Frog.

Remember this? :

Go listen to "Strangers Like Me" and "Two Worlds" as well :)

2. Dirty Jobs on Discovery Channel is on everyday at 5pm. Watching shows like these, including How It's Made... How Do They Do It... makes me think about how little I know about what's going on with the world. Right this instance. You read about how biomass energy is created, but do you actually know how they do it? How do they create engines for ships? How do they make Turkish Delight? Things like these that I didn't know before. Learning Physics reinforce what I don't know. I learned about the application of logic gates yesterday in tuition, about what goes on behind car alarms. I wonder how man come up with all these technology. It's so complicated. It's awesome.

3. Yen said I should write about my evening routine, since I wrote about my morning routine. Pretty much the same thing every weekday. I'm not crazy... yet. Here's it:

- Come home. Plop down all my bags and books.
- Switch on telly, change to Discovery Channel for Dirty Jobs.
- If dinner is here, then eat while watching. If not, wait till it is here.
- Go up, switch on computer. Load all my subscribed videos. Also, Facebook!
- Shower. Do my body, hair, face like in the morning with videos on the background.
- Go down to guest room. Do homework and study.
- Oh, lookie. It's 9pm. Iron my uniforms and pack bag.
- Read something or listen to music while hula-hooping before bed.
- Go to sleep at 9.30pm or 10.00pm.... preferably with my Klose jersey :)

4. Why are we so scared about the unknown? Always so pessimistic about how things will turn out. Shanan and I went to the ECA camp which we missed during the first time. This camp is aimed for Lower Seniors and for Upper Seniors who didn't go to the previous one. We were like, "Urgh, it's gonna be bad. We'll be separated and we'll be embarrassed and bored!" We thought it'll turn out horrible because we were the only Senior 5's there. We were separated but we had so much fun. It was actually pretty awesome. We knew no one, except for a couple of friends, but we had a great time with our teams.

With one of the facilitators and Agnes. He's such jackass. He was pretty good looking, but this picture does not do him justice!

5. My hair is showing signs of growth. Although, it'll take eons for me to consider it "long". Right now, it's of a "medium length". Have to focus on keeping my locks healthy and have to stop asking friends for hair ties!

Ran out of things to write about but will post more,
Caely.

Deserts Do Get The Ocassional Rain

2010-08-03T19:40:00.003+08:00

I take it back... slightly. I am competent, after all. Just takes a little tweaking.

Like Wishing For Rain In A Desert

2010-08-01T13:15:00.001+08:00

I am incompetent. Until I can prove to myself otherwise, don't tell me I'm not.

A Quickie

2010-07-30T05:11:00.008+08:00

She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day
Yeah I know, I know
When I compliment her
She wont believe me
But every time she asks me do I look okay?
I say
When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

- Just The Way You Are, Bruno Mars

1. Shamefully, I admit I'm never one of those people who checks their e-mails regularly. I was like that a couple of years ago, but soon, I lost interest. Usually, the e-mails I get are attachments, subscription updates and weird, annoying spams. I hardly get "conversational" e-mails, which are the kinds I like. I got one from Pui-E (Isabelle), from January, and it took me 6 months to reply to her! What prompted me to say this is that I've got a couple of proposals from companies to advertise their sites and the things they offer. I didn't think anybody would be interested in contacting me, and the reason why I put the address in my profile is for aesthetic reasons! Therefore, I apologize if I neglected to reply, I will from now on. I'm less active with blogging than before, but I'm on track right now and we'll see how it goes.

2. I'm not a tough nut when it comes to things like studying... so expect more posts attached with emotional rants. I've always thought that I'm a strong person inwardly but I crumble when faced with something as harmless as a question. I'm going to use my time on the bus to think about this issue. It needs to be handled because I need to break free from this confidence issue that is grasping me.

3. I feel like writing down my routine here so that someone can read about it. It's quite monotonous but bizarre, if you ask me. Now you know how I work.

-I wake up at 4 or 4.30 am (depending)
-Drag myself from the bed to off the alarm.
-Switch on the lights.
-Then, I take my bottle and gulp down lots of water.
-Switch on the computer.
-Go outside, switch on the Internet modem.
- Go downstairs, take some wheat biscuit, nibble on the way up.
-Computer is ready by now, go on Youtube and load my beauty videos of the day.
-Go shower.
-Moisturize and do my face while watching and hearing the videos that were loaded. Get dressed.
-Go downstairs, get proper breakfast.
-Watch a show on my computer, or continue watching videos. In this case, I blog.
- Do homework/revise a bit.
-At around 6.15-6.30am, I will do my hair because it's dried by that time. I don't use a blow dryer anymore. All these are done with either a show (Pretty Little Liars currently) or Youtube in the background.
- Check myself, check my bag, put a packet of tissue, wear my watch and off my computer.
- Waits in the living room, reading yesterday's newspaper.
-Bus comes, and while in the bus, I will put on my earphones and read the current book I'm reading.

4. The current book I'm reading is The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown. So far, it's gripping. Halfway through the story, and Langdon is still being skeptical about everything that's right before his eyes. That's the only thing I find annoying.

5. The exam of my current lifetime is so near. What am I supposed to do to speed myself up?! I can see my exam going up in flames..

Another week had gone by,
Caely.

Times Like These

2010-07-28T20:12:00.004+08:00

Do you remember my post on how I keep my emotions in check all the time? About how I don't breakdown or throw tantrums? Well, it doesn't apply when I'm studying. It's hard to control my frustration and confusion as to why I keep getting my answers wrong and why I don't understand the solutions. Tell me why!

I always have a box of tissue around me when I'm studying. To prepare me for situations like these. It's easier to give up. And you know how we naturally gravitate to the easier ways.

True To My Heart, But I've Got A Mind

2010-07-23T21:36:00.006+08:00

Don't be so scared
Of what you don't know
True to your heart
You must be true to your heart
That's when the heavens will part
And baby shower you with my love
Open your eyes
Your heart can tell you no lies
And when you're true to your heart
I know it's gonna lead you straight to
me
(Got to be true to your heart)

- True To Your Heart, 98 Degrees

Four years ago, when I was 13 years old, I wanted to live in New York.

Breathe the supposedly dirty air, walk with the busy people and soak in everyone's hectic vibe.

Grab myself a hot dog and a pretzel. Eat an authentic New York pizza. Look at all the shiny, dusty old/new buildings. Listening to the extreme traffic. Looking around Central Park. Sounds good, doesn't it?

New Yorkers are said to be rude and mind-your-own-business type of people. They hate tourists. It's a tough thing to do, trying to make it in NY. I don't care. Okay, maybe I do because I don't want people to be rude to me as I'm not to people! But, I love the place itself. I like the idea of it.

I don't want the carefree-ness of the city. I don't wanna spend my time bumming around the streets. Shanan wants to live in a dingy apartment and listen to indie music there. I don't want that. I want the concrete, the fashion, the food, the people, the lifestyle. I like the idea of busy and fast and where else can I get it?

I'm aware that NY is not all glitz and glamor because it has its dark alleys and dangerous people. I don't desire to be "glitzy" or "glamorous" at all. The spotlight is not something I want. That's not me. All I want is to work and be in someplace that suits me and I feel like NYC is my place.

It's weird, but that's what I apparently wanted. I still want it, but I'm more realistic now. I can't help it, I'm letting my dream go.

My friends would know what I'm talking about. I used to rave about wanting to be a fashion magazine editor-in-chief and making it in NYC.

My friends would say, "Wow, that suits you!" or "Oh, that's nice!" when I tell them that ambition.

When I say now, "Oh, I'm going for law." I get a couple of pauses and a few shocking gasps. It's probably a surprise because I've been talking about that dream in writing and publication for years.

The thing is, law does not confine me inside a courtroom or court shoes. I can still go into journalism because law covers a wide range of "prospects".

I wanted to work in the prestigious New York Times as well :)

I can't help it. I'm careful. I want to be practical. I'm afraid I won't make it. I don't want to starve and be jobless. Because, ultimately - my "fashion magazine editor-in-chief" dream is what it is. Just a dream. I know what the sayings are, "you can make your dreams happen" and all that shit, but I'm being honest here. Seeing both sides and that other side ain't pretty.

Mass communications is a "black" course with the top universities. I've done my research although I could be wrong but I know what I'm talking about. It's good if you're interested in it but I'm afraid it won't take me anywhere. Journalism won't get me anywhere around here.

I want to be in that city that I once dreamed of living in when I was 13. I want to be inspired and successful. I want to walk around in my heels and trench coat with a cup of Starbucks. With my sunglasses. I feel like I am that girl.

But, where did that girl go?

Insert Your Own Title Here!

2010-07-21T18:45:00.005+08:00

When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart
And I watched
As he tried to reassemble it
And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist
But darling,
You, are, the only exception

- The Only Exception, Paramore

Weekdays or rather - schooldays, are the times when I hit my "dry spells" for blogging. Same old, same old, I would say.

You know how I feel about the content I post. I want it to be perfect and relatively easy on the eyes. I don't like it when bloggers don't use proper caps, good grammar, good sentences. I hate it when there's a typo, when there's too much smileys, and when the person's English is not good. I know it's snobby of me but that's just how I am. But, apparently, people appreciate those ever- flowing smileys and bad English. Probably because they're easier to read.

I'm already checking some of my previous posts and thinking they're not good enough to be seen. Tempted to delete all of them, but I refrain from doing so. It's a habit which I have yet to curb.

------

I am very excited about Eat, Pray, Love being made into a movie, with Julia Roberts as the lead. I have high expectations for this movie but we all know, I throw ratings out the window at the end of the day. I loved the book, I highly recommend the book. I read it twice. It's a battered copy because I had it 4 years ago.

Here's the trailer:

The book taught me a lot. Go read it if you haven't, trust me, it's good. If my word is not enough, go read reviews about it. It's ultimately about a woman's journey of recovery and finding herself. She travels to Italy to eat, India to pray and Bali to find love. Hence, eat pray love.

------

Some football talk:
Klose is probably transferring to another club because his contract expires next summer. Other clubs are interested in him, but I haven't read anything substantial yet. Will he be playing for Bayern in the Champions League? They say Gomez will replace Klose. The way I see it, who would want an 'old' striker? Will he be playing for Germany's friendly against Denmark? I like the German team as it is now. But, we have to remember that there were a lot of injured players. If it weren't for the injured players (like Ballack and Adler), young players like Ozil, Lahm, Muller, Neuer, Schweinsteiger and Khedira wouldn't shine so much in WC. Oh, Klose is considered to be in the "Kahn/Ballack" era which means... he's nearing his retiring phase. Bah, all I wanna see is Klose playing.

Time for some Chemistry,
Caely.

Cheese and Barnacles

2010-07-18T15:37:00.003+08:00

All my life
And the hereafter
I’ve never seen
Seen one like you
You’re a knife
Sharp and deadly
And it’s me
That you cut into
But I don’t mind
In fact I like it
Though I’m terrified
I’m turned on but scared of you

- Beautiful Monster, Ne-Yo

1. I woke up yesterday morning and saw a Lo Mai Kai and a Pau on my breakfast plate. I thought to myself, "How does my Mum know that I love eating Lo Mai Kai with a Pau for breakfast?". Then, I thought, "She's your Mum - duh."

2. I've been eating chapati for breakfast and supper incessantly.

3. I washed my bedsheets. I love clean bedsheets. Actually, I love everything that is clean. Be it laundry, towels, pillows. Put a smile on my face!

4. This is not a joke. I have to form cohesive sentences when I speak. Have to not use so much "like" in my sentences because I would be passed off as just another airhead teenager. Also, think before I speak. Builds neurons and saves me from embarrassment. Shan, we must start our Operation Speak Posh English. Not that we don't speak perfect English, but it's always good to better ourselves (and do away with the Malaysian accent).

5. I've been blogging constantly, if you haven't noticed. I didn't want to say anything at first, because I'm afraid I'll jinx it. Yes, I'm quite superstitious. I find it hard to juggle between blogging and keeping a diary. My diary has been untouched for a few days now. (Untouched.. sounds ridiculously perverse)

6. I'm reminding my Dad to get a new monitor for me because I'm very agitated. I need my computer. Living on the general PC (general as in everybody uses it) outside and this laptop I'm using.

7. I recommend watching Pretty Little Liars. It was a book series made into a TV series. I thought it would be some unimpressive and pointless TV series made for squealing and immature tween girls. But, I really like it, it's fairly mature, dark and thrilling. It is about four girls with secrets and how they must stay together to ensure their darkest secrets are not revealed by this anonymous person. It's not popular here in Malaysia yet, at least - I don't hear anybody talking about it. Except, I can't watch it anymore because my monitor is not working!

Not signing off with a picture of Klose this time,
Caely.

I Like The Word: Wimpy

2010-07-16T18:10:00.012+08:00

I read your diary
And it said
That you weren't in love with me (in love with me)
And you're leavin'
And I wished that I didn't see (I didn't see)
That you fell in love with him (him, him)
And now I know that my kiss was just a second
My heart is bleedin', paper cuts from readin'

- Diary, Tino Coury

The moment I feared finally happened. My monitor stopped working. I tried everything but it refuses to bulge. My Dad told me he's going to get me a new one sometime next week and I hope it's soon because I'm accustomed to using the computer inside my room, wrapped around my four walls with the privacy as the cherry on top of the cake. No, I don't surf for anything sinister..

My morning routine is disrupted because of this. How am I supposed to do my hair and body and face without Youtube in the background? I want a wide screen monitor like the one I'm using now (this is 1600x900), but I'm afraid there isn't any space left on my table. I'll work it out.

My Mum is also insisting I go to the CATS Cambridge talk this Sunday. There's a scholarship interview as well. I'm in doubt about the interview because they don't offer a full scholarship, it's a 20% reduction instead. And, besides - I'm not looking to go into Oxford or Cambridge. I'd love to go there (of course!), but let's be realistic here. I'm not being pessimistic, just realistic.

But, I am preparing for the interview because who knows what might happen. I get tongue-tied a lot. My mind goes off in tangents and when I arrive back to my main topic, I usually forget what my main topic is. Had never been to an interview before either. I need to make it work, if I'm really taking the interview.

My brother made pasta the other day, using a can of Pegro's Carbonara and San Remo spaghetti for lunch. It tasted great, would've loved it if there were some thyme or rosemary in it. I would've loved it even more if he didn't add water into the sauce:

Yes, my brother cooks :)
.....and no, I don't :(

I remember my brother having a Rugrats jelly cake (he was big into Rugrats) for his birthday a long time ago. I was more into ice-cream cakes, though, I can gobble the whole thing up if I had my way. For no special occasion, my Mum ordered it online. Quite expensive too.

Isn't that adorable?
I ate the eyes up when I first saw it!

Some weeks ago, Mum, Brother and I decided to go to Full House. It is one of those lifestyle store and cafe restaurants that people are crazy about. We, however, weren't exactly impressed. What's special about it is the fact that everything is white in the restaurant and they sell overpriced clothes and souvenirs there. The food is nothing to shout about. Probably a good place to hang out, but not a place to go if you want a good dinner.

I was extremely tempted to steal this tea set! I can have a tea party with it. How cute :)

My brother's uninviting steak, there was blood in it. This is one of the reason why I decide to never eat beef and to become a pescetarian instead.

Salmon. I love salmon (I know it's going extinct, I don't eat it frequently!) and it was good.

Bland tasting seafood spaghetti. It's as if all they did was sprinkle some herbs on it. My brother's pasta tastes better than it.

My brother and I.
I love his outfit. He's wearing it with dark denim jeans. I'm not afraid to admit he looks great in it (that is because I helped him pick it, I think).

The most influential person, my Mum and I.

I forgot when we did this, probably last week, had a car wash. We needed to raise some money for our prom. We still need money for prom. I don't know why people are not paying. Sometimes I just can't understand how people think. Just make up your feeble mind, pay and get it over with.

I've never washed a car in my life. I heard it's a good workout. I didn't allow myself to get wet or sweaty because I didn't bring an extra set of uniform. It's quite hard to wash a car, I realized. Hmmm, maybe I should hog the job to clean my parents' car. In the morning, when there is little or no sunlight!

Photos from Poh Yee:

Only a number of boys came to help, the rest cared more about their PE which was... (no comment).

I found this picture of Klose the other day, to explain to you what I mean when I say, "deep set eyes" or "shadowy eyes". People look at me weirdly when I say that, so happy understanding! People have no problems understanding what I'm saying when I say "visible veins under a guy's arms are attractive" so here's him:

And another one just to torture you:

Runs off giggling like a little girl in love,
Caely.

Things I'm Happy About

2010-07-14T15:36:00.004+08:00

I won't run
When the sky turns to flame
And I sure won't budge
When the earth does shake
When the flood comes up
I will dance in the rain
'Cause it's all the same to me
And it's all I live for
The air I breathe
So it's all the same to me

- All The Same To Me, Anya Marina

We all have those days. Days when we think that the world is against us and everything is hard.

I rarely have those days anymore.

Maybe because I've matured quite a bit with my thinking. I don't let things bother me anymore. If something turns up bad, I move on. Or, simply chuck it away if there's nothing I can do about it. Eventually, things get better.

Sure, "life" is hard and all that, but honestly - it can be quite easy if you would just change the way you think. It's not about being ignorant, it's not about thinking you have it harder than someone else. I won't say my life is hard because I have not lived my life yet. I'm still in school, still a teenager and I have yet to see the real world. I feel stupid and irrelevant if I dare say my life is hard.

Whining about it (as I've learned) to yourself and other people is not the way because seriously? What can they do for me? Offer a couple of wise words and that's it. What can I do for myself? Try to find a solution and if that doesn't work, eat ice-cream.

It's about... I don't know. Making the best out of every situation and just keeping calm. Control your emotions. Years ago, I'd get angry over silly things. When I look back, I feel so ashamed, silly and unnecessary. Clearly, I could've handled those situations better. Breaking down, crying, throwing tantrums... I'm well over those.

Although, I do get upset over studies (math!) and football lately. But that's about it.

I've mastered the technique. I guess I have a little bit of a talent in this department because I have low neuroticism. I'm very heavy on controlling my emotions. Because of that, voila - I'm mostly problem-free. I don't even get pimples anymore!

I made a list of the things I'm happy about:

1. Getting my Klose for Germany jersey.

2. I solved my toothache problem.

3. I have friends in front of me, by my side, and at the back.

4. I have a best friend who lets me steal food from her (hello, Shan).

5. The 2010 FIFA WC ending. This was added reluctantly because I'm actually gutted it's over. But it's good for me because I don't have an excuse to slack in my studies anymore. It had affected my concentration and pace in class... which is not good at all.

The things that worry me but are kept at bay by the sheer power of my mind:

1. My monitor. It's temperamental. Sometimes it doesn't show anything, sometimes it does. I need to adjust the wires everytime. I cannot go through my morning/evening routine without Youtube's beauty videos playing!

2. My studies. Have to keep up and stay ahead. I found this lovely quote from the founder of Squidoo. He said: "Waiting for perfect is never as smart as making progress". I feel like he's saying it to me directly. It was a splash of awakening water, in my face.

3. Disqus does not want to accept my current layout's file. I can't install Disqus with this layout. It's so frustrating because this means my previous Disqus comments are gone and I have to resort to Blogger's commenting system.

4. Should I keep my hair short or wait for it to grow long? It's hard to decide.

I tried to think of more problems to even out the number a bit. But, I couldn't think of anything else. The 3rd one isn't even a real problem, it's more of a dilemma. Not worthy of shedding a tear, throwing a tantrum, or ruffling my hair.

Have fun handling things in a calmly fashion,
Caely.

It Won't Be Like This For Long

2010-07-12T20:07:00.006+08:00

He lays down there beside her
Till her eyes are finally closed
And just watch'n her it breaks his heart
Cause he already knows
It wont be like this for long
One day soon that little girl is gonna be
All grown up and gone
Yeah this phase is gonna fly by
He's try'n to hold on
It wont be like this for long

- It Won't Be Like This For Long, Darius Rucker

This is something which is bothering me. Yesterday, both my parents and I had dinner in the same old restaurant we go to frequently. The lady boss asked where my brother was and my Mum said he's in grandmother's place for a week. Then, she told us something which struck a chord. She said:

"After a while, it'll only be your Dad and I."

I promptly replied, "Nah, it'll be a long, long time before that happens." Just to make her feel better. But the truth is, what she said was the truth. It scares me. Everything is passing by me eerily. What can I do? I'm going to grow up eventually and follow the brick wall away from home.

Obviously, it breaks my parents heart, whether they say it out or not.

A few weeks ago, my Mum and I were discussing about furthering my studies overseas. My Mum broke down into sudden tears and I was stunned for a second. I gasped and asked, "Why?!" and she said:

"No parents would wanna see their children go someplace else away from them, right?"

Sigh. And, here I am wishing that high school would be done and be over with. So that I can have another new chapter in my life. I'm tired of this routine, this familiarity.

It's about time. The one thing that's holding me back from wishing time would go faster is SPM. I'm simply not ready, and I have 3/4 of the syllabus to revise.

You know how slow I am with my revision. I take the "step by step" method to a whole new level.

There's the responsibility aspect towards this topic as well. I don't know about you, but I and pretty much all my closest friends (I'm sure) has this sense of responsibility where they feel they must do well.

My parents has provided me with so many things.. opportunities.. and doing extremely well is the least I can do for them. What else can I do anyway? I'm 17 and a student. My occupation IS studying.

Remember what I said about wanting to stay afloat and not even bothering about reaching the bank of the river? I take it back. I want to reach the bank. Staying afloat is not enough. Do you get what I mean?

I always try to live in the present. To see myself as I am now. But, it's hard because I'm more of a "future" person. As in:

"I'll do that tomorrow"
"I will be that next year"
"I can't wait to have that in the future"

The thing about graduating from high school is that it's all so uncertain. I'm not worrying much about the future because I won't have a future if I don't do well in the present! It's just that, I feel sad for my parents.

My Mum works so hard in the office. She comes back home around 9pm-10pm everyday. She has other housework as well when she comes back. She's usually mentally exhausted, and I can tell you we don't talk to each other a lot during the weekdays. Just a couple of lines.

So, be grateful if your Mum is there every evening, eating dinner with you, having a real conversation with you (even if it's an argument, at least she's there).

I don't really mind. But, I feel bad for her, the fact that she has to work. I feel like she shouldn't but she has to. I admire her for not exploding then and there.

It's the same with my Dad. He doesn't work in an office, but more like, in different countries - for weeks and weeks at a time.

I owe it to them. Good results, I mean.

I'm growing up. I'm in between stages where I wanna hold on and wanna let go, you know? Maybe I should just stick with the flow. That is what I've been doing for a long time and it has worked for me so far :)

It's kind of sad though, isn't it?

Goodnight,
Caely.

Opportunity Missed!

2010-07-11T05:11:00.010+08:00

Give me freedom, give me fire,
give me reason, take me higher
See the champions, take the field now,
you define us, make us feel proud
In the streets are, exaliftin ,
as we lose our inhabition,
Celebration its around us,
every nation, all around us
We all say,
When I get older I will be stronger
They’ll call me freedom
Just like a wavin’ flag

- Wavin' Flag, K'Naan for FIFA

(5:11am)

That's right.

The fact that unforeseeable circumstances can whirl things around is scary and downright annoying, really. It's really late (or early) right now. Everybody's pretty much asleep in this room, except for me. I didn't bring my diary along with me, so this is the platform I chose (what other "platform" do I have anyway?)

My stomach is a little funny. Probably because of the chocolate milk and junk food. A mix of Twisties.. Pringles.. Chachos.. ice-cream.. chapati.. not good.

Just finished watching the match between Germany and Uruguay. I thought the match was interesting. I saw interesting skills today and one of the Uruguayan players even did a somersault-like kick. What a show off! But then, isn't the 3rd place match a place where there is no pressure? Muller, Jansen and Khedira scored :)

Right before the match, I Googled the latest news on Germany... and a huge rock fell upon me. Klose had a back injury and will not be playing. Podolski, Lahm and Neuer has flu and will not be playing as well. Even their coach, Joachim is sick. Someone must have thrown a bag of virus at them.

Apologies for being this bitter. It's just that, I was hoping for a nicer finale with ALL of the key players in the game. When you take out all of the key players, it's just not that fun anymore. They thrive on teamwork and they did have it... but key players gone equals... I don't know. I support them nonetheless (of course!) but the OOMPH isn't there.

A third place match is actually kind of sad. The fact that the chance of winning the WC is gone for them and now they have to fight for the consolation prize. I think that is why most people don't care about the match, but I think it gives us Germany and Uruguay fans a chance to watch them for the last time (until 4 years later).

Klose was not in the game! That's a HUGE deal for him (and me!). Although he said he doesn't care for beating Ronaldo's record, it MUST have been on his mind. Being the all-time top scorer in WC. That's a huge feat, isn't it? One goal from this match and he would've drawn with Ronaldo. Two goals, and he would've surpassed it. How sad. He was so close.

He looked disappointed, actually, sitting on the substitute bench. Reportedly he wanted to play but he didn't wanna risk it for the team when he's only 80% fit.

I think my friends think I'm crazy. Can't help it! Logaa said, "It's just a game". No offense, but he doesn't know what he's talking about in my part.

Looking forward to Bundesliga, I hope Astro covers it. I'm pretty sure they cover all of Bayern Munich's game because they are the best team. I hope Klose gets enough playing time now that he's freshened his name for himself in the WC.

Joachim Loew has the flu as well. I'm love his scarf!

This is Sarah, Schweinsteiger's girlfriend. Isn't she so pretty? (jealousnya)

The final 2010 WC huddle for the German team.

Alright. Don't be mad, I'll stop posting football pictures.

(6.00pm)

All the boys were tired and depressed-looking, while us girls behaved like we had 12 hours of sleep. I have Chemistry to do and Math to revise! I would definitely be watching the Finals and the closing ceremony. Just a little something I took before I put the jersey into the washing machine. Boy, does it need some washing!

Yes, after bitching about it for several weeks, it's here!

Before I end this post, I'm gonna post a picture of Klose looking like this when he smacks his lips:

Let's enjoy the finals. Here's to an end of an obsessive WC on my side. There's an article in New Straits Times about "How To Handle World Cup Withdrawal Symptoms" and I think I need to read that.

The FIFA World Cup 2010

2010-07-08T20:48:00.011+08:00

A drop in the ocean,
A change in the weather,
I was praying that you and me might end up together.
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,
But I'm holding you closer than most,
'Cause you are my heaven.
I don't wanna waste the weekend,
If you don't love me, pretend
A few more hours, then it's time to go.

- A Drop in the Ocean, Ron Pope

Hello, world.

I'm actually going to sleep right now, because I'm really tired. I woke up at 2 to watch the Germany vs. Spain match. It was a truly disappointing match. I already said enough about the deserved winner, Spain and how Germany tragically lost to them on Facebook. It hurts more, when I think about how Spain ACTUALLY deserved it.

(but I still wanna cut off all of that Puyol's ugly curly hair)

I started being excited about this WC because of the cute footballers I'll get to watch. I didn't even end up scanning any cute guys because I'm so busy obsessing over Germany. I didn't know I'd get so passionate about this, to the extent of it being ALL I THINK ABOUT.

Obviously, I don't have much knowledge in football, am still learning. Football "professionals" can go ahead and snigger at my amateurism. Looking forward to know more, as the Bundesliga kicks in. Bundesliga is a German football league, like the EPL.

I have no interest in EPL.

Deutschland!

I think pretty much EVERYONE who knows me good enough, would know how I love Germany. I'm obsessed and I know everyone says they're obsessed all the time, but I really am. You'd know, because that's all I talk and think about for these two months.

First of all, in a slightly shallow and irrelevant view of Germany... they have the BEST jersey design. Black and white, what can go wrong?

Former captain, Michael Ballack.

Replacing captain, Philip Lahm, the shortest guy.

A bunch of them with Shakira, the coach Joachim Low is second from left.

Who cares if he eats boogers and smell armpits? I care about how tactical and strategic his mind is! And, how fashionable he is too.

The thing about football, which I failed to realize before this, is how beautiful the game is. When you watch a skilled team, weaving the ball around, I like it. Very, very interesting. 90 minutes pass by like THAT.

The runs, the endurance, the patience, the anger, disappointment, happiness. It's gorgeous (and tragic).

WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT FOOTBALL, YOU OF ALL PEOPLE?

That question, I asked myself a hundred times already.

I have yet to find the correct answer. No, the answer is not "the cute guys" anymore. It's something else. Have yet to identify it. I have no interest in other teams, except for Germany. If I do have an interest, it's only because I'm afraid they'll threaten Germany... and that happened with Spain.

Pictures to show my love for Germany, a team I'll continue to support as long as I live:

Friedrich scored his first international goal.

I love it when teammates hug each other, especially when they're all manly males.
Look at the joy!

I think Podolski and Klose have obvious affections for each other. They've been in the WC together, in the same club together. Klose must be like a big brother to Podolski :)

Philip Lahm, always leading by example. A respectable captain. I prefer him to Ballack because Ballack doesn't let the team flow much, apparently.

Klose fighting with Spain's Pique over possession of the ball. I think Pique is kinda cute but it's more of an OBSERVATIONAL cute, not AFFECTIONATE cute because I've got Klose :)

I know.... it was, heartbreaking. Yuck, can you spot that No.5 long haired man? He's the Puyol that I hate so much. Mainly because of his header and his head of fugly curly hair.

Part of the game that I need to accept when my team loses: defeat.

During the 2006's WC.

After their well-deserved win against England!
I think I was the happiest girl in the neighbourhood at that time.

Thomas Muller. A great asset to the team. Only 20 years old! I don't know if I'm being delusional or not, but he's ALWAYS there in the right place (just like Klose).

Ozil, 21 years old, who might look like a swollen goldfish, but I find him adorable. Great skills, a fantastic playmaker. Dominates together with Khedira. Schweinsteiger deserves a lot of credit as well.

This is EXACTLY how I felt after the lost to Spain. No thanks to the "Spaniards" in my school, it was easy to cry the whole day. Still accepting the fact that they lost.

But they're going for the third place, so I can still see my German players in action! All is not lost.

Of course, I have to attach some pictures of my favorite footballer, Miroslav Klose. I know, he looks old. That is because he is 32 years old. There's not much football years left off him, unfortunately. My heart breaks when I think about it.

Reasons why I'm in love with Miro:

1. He's a honest professional.
2. He is fair and just.
3. Family comes first for him!
4. He has a stunning, prolific record, especially in the International scene.
5. He cares more about teamwork than himself. He is not selfish.
6. Look at him! He is so handsome. I don't care about his wrinkles, I think he looks handsome that way. And, I honestly love his nose and his eyes.

The sign he does everytime he scores.
Remember what I said about how he cares much about his family?
This 3-fingered sign means his wife and his two twins. How sweet is that? That makes him more lovable.

Fantastic knack for scoring, for calculating the trajectory of the ball. I remember articles saying he's famous for his headers, as well.

With the referee, always calm and cool. Good for getting out of sticky situations, perhaps.

Celebrating with Ozil. Klose said something very encouraging and good about Ozil's future :)

Muller: I scored just after 3 minutes into the game! Feel my roar.

Klose is not short, he is 5'11 (182cm). It's just that Mertesacker on his left is a giant by being 6'5!

With a young team, Germany has a bright future, I believe. They have teamwork, pace, fluidity, skills and talents! I love how Joachim Low believed in them and see how great they've become.

Klose won't be in the WC anymore, I think but he deserves respect and respect is what he's getting. I think he's underrated, so does everyone else how truly knows what he has and is capable of.

I'm so mad at how some people are commenting on how Miro should be benched in the Third Placing match because he doesn't deserve to surpass Ronaldo's 15 goals record. Hello? He is a hardworking, talented, veteran who's been there always for his team.

Why does he not deserve to etch his name in WC history?

I hope he scores twice or more in the match against Uruguay. I wish him all the luck. Lots of luck to the team first, of course!

If you don't agree with what I've observed, feel free to correct me. This is just what I've noticed after watching each of their matches at least 3 times, not to mention the highlights! I have a lot of things to know.

I'm annoyed by random Germany supporters. Those who supports them just because they have the potential to win, but don't know ANYTHING about them. If you don't know anything about them, then bugger off. Just saying.

Can't wait for Euro 2012! I love Deutschland so much, it's unexplainable.

As for the finals, I'm just watching it because it's the finals. For me, WC ends after Germany's last match.

... and right now, I'm so sleepy I can fall asleep on the keyboard. Have a great night, guys.

Viva La Deutschland!

2010-07-02T16:57:00.007+08:00

You, your sex is on fire
Consumed with what's to transpire
Hot as a fever, rattling bones
I could just taste it, taste it
If it's not forever, if it's just tonight
Oh, it's still the greatest, the greatest, the greatest
You, your sex is on fire
And you, your sex is on fire
Consumed with what's to transpire

- Sex On Fire, Kings of Leon

I'm returning this one on Monday since it's the wrong one. The one I want is the HOME jersey, not the AWAY. Have to wait... again. I'm slowly pulling my hair out with this jersey trouble. It's worth it though, for Germany :)

PS* Only posting this because YEN wants to see it!

Not Weird, Just Different

2010-05-22T11:13:00.008+08:00

I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kinda boring
Need something that I can confess
Til' all my sleeves are stained red
From all the truth that I've said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw wink, no
I've been on the brink, so

- Secrets, One Republic

Hello, world.

I'm in between studying breaks so I decided to blog. My diary's been untouched for weeks now, I just don't have anything exciting to write. Unless you'd call finding out that creepy crawlies rule the house early in the morning exciting?

I actually have something to say now. I'd like to think that I have great taste in music and I know what good music is. The important thing is, I appreciate it. People listen to pop and R&B because it's catchy and easy to listen/sing along to. But, there's thousands of music out there that I think deserved to be recognized. Then again, music is an acquired taste. You like it or you don't.

I'm talking about cinematic music. Or, orchestral ones.

I'm not a professional in it because I listen to relatively newer music most of the time, be it alternative or mainstream. I don't listen to classical music everyday and I mightn't like some, but I love it nonetheless! Music like this is what I call good. No trashy lyrics, no auto-tune, no beats that can get annoying over time. I've always loved composed music and that's one of the reason why I like epic/battle movies so much, because the music plays quite a big role in movies like those. Almost as important as the location and actors.

I came across E.S. Posthumus the other day and I'm so surprised their music is in a lot of movies, TV commercials, video games and I don't even know who's behind all those great music. I'm also surprised there's a great community who likes music like these.

Their music is just... very epic and climatic. And, big - which is a crass way of describing it. I have 7 minutes left before I have to go study again so I'm just going to paste all the videos in here, if you're interested.

Listen to at least a minute of each piece before deciding how you feel about it. The good parts are usually around the middle and end.

My first pick would be and it's my favorite:

This one is called Ebla. I can't get over the beat for this one and the combination with the choir, it comes after 0:45..

This Moonlight Sonata is their rendition of it and I think it's the best remix out there:

I've always been a fan of Il Divo ever since they came out into the scene because I like the fact that they're combining pop and classical music. Also, they're incredibly handsome! Nobody I know talks about them though and I've been liking them again nowadays.

My favorite song from them will always be this:

Before you peg me as a total grandmother, I like a wide range of music! But, I gravitate mostly to Pop/R&B or Alternative/Rock or Mixed Rock most of the time. Have you listened to the new song by Muse? It's called Neutron Star Collision and I love their new direction. I think my music preference has changed quite a bit since back then. Yet another thing's changing, and I'm liking it.

The above music is great for studying, just turn down the volume and let it flow. It's good because there isn't any lyrics in it to distract you. For me, at least.

If you have any music you'd think I'll like, tell me :)

Have a great day!
Caely.

PS* Tomorrow's my Brother's 19th birthday. I can't believe he's 19 already. He's becoming so old so fast. Scary thoughts.

To The Future?

2010-04-14T18:43:00.006+08:00

How much pain has cracked your soul?
How much love could make you whole?
You’re my guiding lightning strike
I can’t find the words to say,
But they’re overdue,
I’ve travelled half the world to say,
I belong to you

- I Belong To You, Muse

I am now sitting in my room, with skin baked from the sun.

So, a few hours ago, I came back from the desert which is my school, I went on Discovery Channel as usual. With the floor and ceiling fan on the highest setting, it was heaven on Earth.

They were showing a documentary about how changing genomes, genes and things like that which would help us in the future. They went on about how there would be "longevity" pills which activates a type of enzyme which would literally stop our cells from aging.

Not the Botox-for-cosmetics-purposes kind, but the scientific kind, by the way.

They tried it out on all types of organism except humans and it increased their life span to about 40%.

We would be able to live to the infinities. It also helps to eradicate bad genes, creating BETTER humans.

I was like, flabbergasted and totally floored. I'm not too sure if it would be a good thing. Well, it IS technically great news.

But, while scientists have the best intentions which is "promoting better health and discovering new things"... there are OTHERS who wouldn't be so noble, you know?

Wouldn't the evil in us use it for bad things? You get to LIVE LONGER which leads to people thinking they're unstoppable and that would lead to things like terrorism. I don't know what evil can be done with this discovery because I'm not evil.

And, don't you think that changing genes and living 100 years longer by a pop of a pill is defying nature? Growing old and dying is part of life. I'm okay with that, just not ready for it because I'm barely 17 years old!

Well, if Sally is a mother and she found out that her baby has a diseased gene, she would probably be super thankful for the gene changing process. I would be too.

But, there's always the bad side of things and shouldn't we give the ugly side some thinking through?

When the narrator said, "We could be creating superhumans", I got all uncomfortable because it sounds invincible and you know how greedy and power-hungry society can be.

I think I remember my Biology teacher telling us about this last year. Oh well, I suppose we'll have to wait for another 10 years. Or, sooner. To see what gene-research would come up with.

Then, I saw a trailer of a documentary, discussing if we're ready for invisibility and I was like, heck no techno!

Not until we're fully civilized, we're not ready for invisibility. I'm not too sure if the world can be fully civilized though.

Now, you've read up till here (or skipped the above and arrived here), I've given you something to think about. Tell me what you think in the comments!

Hope we have a cloudy day tomorrow,
Caely.

I'm Starting Now

2010-04-01T17:43:00.004+08:00

Love is our resistance
They'll keep us apart
and they won't to stop breaking us down
Hold me
Our lips must always be sealed
If we live a life in fear
I'll wait a thousand years
Just to see you smile again
Kill your prayers for love and peace
You'll wake the thought police
We can't hide the truth inside

- Resistance, Muse

There isn't any school tomorrow, so I'm all smiles right now. Planning on studying the first chapter of every subject over the weekends. There's quite a lot of homework, actually. I'm working towards a better studious me because our 2nd term is on the month of May and teachers are scaring us.

Nothing's changed much.

Still sleeping early and waking up at 4.30am. It feels so good, if you haven't tried it yet, do it! I love the solitariness I get in the morning, everyone's asleep and it's quiet and the idea of you waking up early makes you so happy, it's unbelievable. You have the whole day ahead of you! I am transformed.

Still loving Muse. I visited the old Muse music and I think I like their newer music better. Even Matt thinks so. Their old stuff is too rock alternative for me, their new ones are more influenced. I'm going crazy over the fact that I can't get any posters of Muse. Where can I get them?!

Still loving vampires. Waiting for a handsome, strong, smart, loving vampire to sweep me away. But, Blink by Malcolm Gladwell said that often what we think we want, we don't necessary want... so, I don't know.

Still, Youtube is the first site I go into once I click the Google Chrome button. I HATE the new layout and why the hell is it constantly changing?! I prefer the old one, not because I'm unable to adapt to the change, but because the comment section is mightily inconvenient and what's up with the sidebar on the bottom? Looks weird.

Still on a book reading frenzy, reading a lot after the exams. Since I've finished The Lovely Bones, I can download the movie now. Finished a paranormal romance the other day and reading To Kill A Mockingbird. After that, I'm probably going to go for The Kite Runner or Wuthering Heights. I wish I can buy the whole bookstore.

Still watching beauty videos every day. Friends think I'm going bimbotic, which is not true! (argues)

Still not motivated to blog more often. What is wrong? asks myself who used to look forward to type everything out.

I've started to download TV show torrents a few weeks ago (thanks to Dan who taught me how!) and I'm loving it. Oh, I'm watching Spartacus now, which is about gladiators and such. There is explicit sex (not very keen about), blood and hot bodies in it. Spartacus is a famous hero in the ancient Rome who was sold as a Gladiator, always fighting against slavery and seeking revenge against the Romans.

Still not watching a lot of TV, except for Discovery, NatGeo and History Channel. Have you heard the catchy Discovery song? "Boom de yah.. boom de yah"!

Our school came out with new PE t-shirts again (red in color), and we now have new Sports shirts as well. Made of jersey. Go figure.

My cue to stop, thanks for reading, love,
Caely.

I Love Muse

2010-03-21T15:18:00.003+08:00

Please me
Show me how it's done
Tease me
You are the one
I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

- Undisclosed Desires, Muse

Imagine the shock and horror I felt when I put on my glasses and the reflection I got was a girl who closely resembles me but with an God awful haircut!

I'm still reeling from the shock. I am in borderline depression mode right now. I specifically said "I wanna TIDY it up. I don't want it short. Just tidy the ends and fringe."

But, the motherfucker has to cut off so much of it! The worst part is that it looks so fucking blunt. It's like those nerdy, wig-esque type of hairstyle. It has no layers at the ends, it's straight across. Goodness gracious. It looks soooooooooooooooooooooo bad.

Give a girl a bad haircut, and you'll ruin her.

I shit you not, it's true. I feel so retarded. I feel like hiding from the rest of the world for the next few months. If only I can sink into a borderless abyss for a few months (with all the necessary survival necessities, of course). Truckload of emotions! I swear, I will never cut my hair again. I'll probably get a legit professional to fix it next time.

To think tomorrow's the first day of school again.

FML TO THE MAX.

Life Ain't Fair

2010-03-18T16:45:00.004+08:00

What do I have to do to make you see
He can't love you like me?
Why don't you stay, I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
Don't I give you what you need
When he calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay

- Stay, Ronan Keating

If life is tangible, I would like to whack it in its face and rear end.

I've been sleeping so extremely early everyday (before the hand hits 9 or 10pm). Yet, I'm having red bumps on my chin and right cheek. What gives?!

My right arm cannot support books. It's practically useless when it comes to carrying books. Only my left arm can do it. I carry my load of books and my Tupperware bottle with my left. But, I use my right arm 99% of the time. I'd like to be fair to my left and right arm, thank you very much. This is coming from a student, tsk tsk.

My hair can never behave once it hits "that" length. I'm now thoroughly annoyed with my hair. And, it's rebelling against me. My hair around my forehead is getting unaturally thinner (too much heat everyday?). Time to whip out the hair fall shampoo and stay away from blow dryers. Sigh.

Why is the Internet so slow nowadays, even during 6am in the morning? STREAMYX, YOU SUCK. Sorry to say that, but it's the bloody truth! I understand it's the apparent "peak hour" right now, but what the hell? Do something about it, and I'm not the only one complaining, you can bet your handicapped optic fibres on it!

Okay, done venting, have a great night!

Iris

2010-03-16T15:14:00.000+08:00

Doubt thou that the stars are fire;
Doubt thou that the sun doth move;
Doubt truth to be a liar;
But never doubt that I love.

- Hamlet, William Shakespeare.

Trying Times & Stretching Blogging Muscles!

2010-03-07T15:00:00.008+08:00

What am I supposed to do
when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say
when I'm all choked up that you're okay
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces
They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks
No it don't breakeven even

- Breakeven, The Script

I read Mich's comment and immediately thought to myself, "She's right, I should write something and put up some pictures. It's been a friggin' long time!"

I've been writing my (innermost) thoughts on my Notepad and saving it as my "virtual diary" so that is why I haven't been blogging. Indulging in recapping my day because I'm vain like that beats coming up with new posts, you know?

First term is on going right now. Tomorrow marks the second week of it and if I'm part roadrunner, I would run all the way to New York right now and get me some pretzel.

This is what a roadrunner look like, just to clue you in but don't you remember this cartoon?! :

I didn't sleep for the entire night and somehow, this "suffering because I have to study" thing is getting boring. It's predictable and repetitive. That is why humans invented robots because they don't get disgusted, bored or tired.

But, at least, this time I actually tried. I did study way before the examinations, but I guess I got carried away with Math and my study plan was all over the place. It's impossible to complete a year and 2 months worth of syllabus in one day. I'm just trying to hang on.

It's just so... hard.

There's no fancy adjective of which I could use for this situation. This is hard. Well, it's not hard hard like what rocket science would be. But, I need more time to understand the entire thing. I'm not one who likes memorizing. I can, but I don't want to. But maybe, this situation calls for it. Time to kick principles to the curb!

I'm only at Chemistry now and for the life of me, I wonder what's going to happen to my Physics and Biology. I tried. I really did.

It's not over yet so it should be "I'm trying. I really am." Should not be such a silly defeatist.

Outfit of the Day:

Isn't this turtleneck gorgeous? I think it's so flattering, it sucks you in the right places. The most bizarre thing is it's my Mum's.

I got my flat iron weeks ago and have been using it everyday since! Obviously, I would've liked something like Vidal Sassoon or GHD like the Americans but it's too expensive. This'll do. I watch Youtube beauty videos everyday, practically once I wake up. And no, I'm not a bimbo, not on the verge on becoming one nor want to be perceived as one :)

Most important: protecting my hair from the heat. I use the Australian brand, Fudge's Liquid Erekt Heat Protective Straightening Spray. I think this is a bit sticky and I want to try different brands, but I have trouble getting them because the salespeople understands only Cantonese or Mandarin and I know these products in English. Bummer!

I wake up at 4.30am every day now, sometimes earlier. Mainly to watch more Youtube and to do my hair, but I revise my studies at the same time. Which means, I now sleep at around 9pm. The thing I've noticed about this pattern is, I feel so energized and rejuvenated in the morning and I don't care about what happens at night anymore. Mm, this proves I'm not as much as a night owl than I thought I was?

This week is different. I doubt I'm gonna be able to sleep at all. Wish me luck. Oh, I just checked my traffic status and it has dropped so much and I'm totally flabbergasted about it.

The day Garett and I went to watch Valentine's Day and shared a Starbucks!:

Look at his awesome, different hairdo!

One of my favorite scenes in the movie. Looks good, doesn't it?

Maybe I don't wanna leave high school yet.

From last Christmas :)

PS* I saw copies of To Kill a Mockingbird at RM23.90 which is such a steal. Should've gotten it but you should see the pile of books I have lined up to read, maybe I should do a post about it? Especially all I've been thinking about is J.R Ward's vampire series. And yes, I'm in love with the idea of vampires.

PPS* Real vampires, mind you, not teen vampires teenage girls are crazy over.

Phew I forgot how time consuming this is,
Caely.

Throughout The Years : Birth

2010-01-25T23:02:00.005+08:00

Run, run her kiss is a vampire grin.
The moon lights away while she's howlin' at him.
She looks good but her boyfriend says she's a tramp,
She's a tramp,
She's a vamp,
But she still does her dance.
She's a tramp,
She's a vamp,
But she still kills the dance.
Baby loves to dance in the dark,
'Cuz when he's lookin' she falls apart.

- Dance In The Dark, Lady Gaga

Main topic of discussion is not how I've been majorly slacking on posts. I wanna keep this up.

I'm going to do a Throughout The Years post! I've been watching these videos on Youtube and since I don't do videos, I'm gonna do a blog post. The first one is birth. My memories fail me sometimes so who knows how well I can remember these things.

The memories I had as a baby are... blank. I know nothing except for what my parents tell me. My Mum told me that when I was a baby, I was really dark and everybody thought I was a Malay. And... I looked like a boy, which is embarrassing! I must've looked really fugly. Thank goodness. I'm neither dark nor do I look anything like a boy now. They say you're gonna be the opposite of what you look like when you're young. So, let's celebrate because I'm fair and girly now!

This is what I looked like when I was a baby:

(picture)

From what my paternal grandmother told me was, I used to drink three/four spoonfuls worth of milk powder (that's ALOT). If I didn't get enough, I wouldn't be satisfied. If I can magically transport myself back to when I was a baby, I would bitchslap myself. I used to cry continuously through the night (that's BAD). I was such a handful at night. My Mum said that my brother and I were very well-behaved when we're out. For instance, if we're at a restaurant, all the toddlers would be crying their eyes out, both of us would be sitting there - all quiet and disciplined. I think that's the cutest thing ever!

I used to practically want no one else to take care of me except for my paternal grandma. When my parents sent me to a nanny, I would object by crying and shrieking! I can't believe I was so violent. There's a violent side of me that's yet to be unleashed.

I'm going to have to stop the fun at this point because my memories stop here. I WILL attach these posts with pictures but I don't wanna go to the dusty part of my house -____- You know how I am with dust. Be sure to look out for my Throughout The Years: Kindergarten post! I remember so much things from that time.

PS* If you wanna, feel free to do these posts as well and tell me about it!

I Don't Visit Here Anymore!

2010-01-22T21:29:00.003+08:00

Just don't give up I'm workin it out
Please don't give in, I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
Yeah, it's plain to see (plain to see)
That baby you're beautiful
And it's nothing wrong with you

- What Do You Want From Me, Adam Lambert

I'm sick.
My left side of my throat hurts like there's no tomorrow.
My left side of my nose is BLOCKED and it stings.
My left eye hurts.

Maybe today is "Let Yun's Left Side Suffer Day". I think that's the funniest thing ever. (not really)

Was extremely sunny today and now the sky's pouring a storm.
Can't access the Internet due to the thunder.
Attempting to do my homework, while watching Wild Child so I'll have a background sound.

I'm going to watch Time Traveler's Wife and Dorian Gray, once I have my Internet back so I can download the audio requirement shit.
If you want Dorian Gray, you can go ask for it from Dan :)

No cheers for you because I'm not cheerful now,
Caely.

Doo Dah Days

2010-01-16T14:57:00.002+08:00

Life has been uneventful. My days are in a monotonous black and white.

Cancer This & Cancer That

2010-01-13T18:18:00.006+08:00

Your lips are nettles
Your tongue is wine
Your laughter's liquid
But your body's pine
You love all sailors
But hate the beach
You say "Come touch me"
But you're always out of reach
In the dark you tell me of a flower
that only blooms in the violet hour

- The Violet Hour, Sea Wolf.

Since school started, I've been unfairly neglecting this space here. I'm trying (and somewhat succeeding) in adjusting myself back to the schooling pace. Schooling pace meaning sleeping early with a sleepy head and waking early with a sleepier head. All's well, though. In the last post, I said that I have a lot to say and I'm gonna start :

1. Today at school, I threw one of my past year textbook to the bin and my classmates saw it and out came havoc! I didn't know that by chucking a book down into a bin would create such commotion. I know it's wrong because I can recycle it and did you really think I didn't think about recycling it? I did but I cannot stand looking at it, I wanted it *away* from me. Shaun, who picked it up, said I'm too rich to care. But here's my stand : I don't want it and want to get rid of it. I'm sure the school will separate their trash. That's what I think. If this is irresponsible and destroying the Earth to you, I apologize. And I'm not rich! I'm saving my money up for a flat iron and all the million things I want, for God's sakes. If I'm rich, I wouldn't have to save my money to get it. I don't even get allowance. My family is average. Enough said.

2. My Mum has been working extremely late these days. She comes back home at around 10pm. I know it's completely stressing her out and I feel like I can't do anything about it. There are only two person whom I think are the hardest working people in my life. My mum and my grandmother. My grandmother is no stranger to you guys because I talk about her often enough. I feel compelled to be a hardworking person too like the two generations before me. My grandmother comes from a poor family back in the days, my Mum comes from a below average family during her childhood and I guess I'm the privileged one and if I don't work hard enough, who am I gonna be? My Mum is always telling me to be better than what she had achieved. Also, I pronounce "Mum" as "Mom" but when I spell it I use "Mum". Isn't that weird?

3. I read in one of the previous Reader's Digest issue about how sleeping with artificial light will cause cancer. I'm a bit vague on the information but it does say so. I've been switching the red lamp on for the past gazillion years and I didn't know about it. Imagine what people expose themselves to unknowingly. Isn't that scary? But when I think about it, it is a bit comical because everything in our lives causes cancer nowadays. So we might as well go live in a cave.

4. Lately, I've been wanting a lot of things. I'm lusting after them like a madman over flies. Maybe because of all these beauty videos I've been watching, my mind had been clouded with all these beauty products and new clothes that I want. I asked Garett if wanting it all is a bad thing and he said he doesn't know. Nobody can have it all, obviously, but I think it's fine to go for it. If it gets me going everyday, why not? Granted there's a finish line at the end of the race because you can't be running your whole life.

How cute.

5. I was telling my friends how I watched Pursuit of Happiness last week and how touched I was by the movie. I felt bad because there they are, both father and son, struggling in life and have no place to live.. and here I am typing away with a bottle of tea in an air conditioned room. The scene where they had to sleep in the subway toilet struck me real hard. I kick up a fuss when things don't go my way and for Will Smith in the movie, *nothing* goes his way. I think he would've been dead in the movie if he had my mentality, haha. I'm looking forward to watching Seven Pounds.

6. We've been told that the annual school run (I refuse to call it cross country because we're not even crossing countries!) is in a few weeks time. This is the first time I'm dreading it because I dont wanna be tanned. My skin is fairer than ever because of the doctor's products I'm using and what if I burn my skin while running? The doctor even asked me to bring an UMBRELLA to school when I walk around. So does that mean I have to run with an umbrella?! I'm not one of those physically weak girly girls, okay. I'm anything but that.

7. There's already talk about where my friends are gonna study after they graduate from high school and frankly, I'm not sure anymore. It's a big mess. I started thinking about courses, job opportunities, internships, countries, dorm rooms and I was like, "Wow, don't get ahead of yourself!!" I should think about the national exam first, for goodness sake.

8. I need some help!

If you're reading this, please tell me how I can insert a calendar/clock or something on the side of my screen? I've seen it before in other people's desktop. I tried Googling and came out with nothing, I probably missed some sort of keyword. Tell me, tell me!

What a long post this is, good night and cheers!
Caely.

Wonderments (if this is a word)

2010-01-09T14:19:00.005+08:00

Start a new fashion,
wear your heart on your sleeve
Sometimes you reach what's real
Just by making believe
Unafraid, unashamed
There is joy to be claimed in this world
You even might wind up being glad to be you
Ever ever after
Though the world will tell you it's not smart
Ever ever after

- Ever Ever After, Carrie Underwood.

There are certain things which are unexplainable, yes? Like, the existence of little green people out there or if ghosts exists. I have no opinion on whether spirits exist or not. If they do, I think we should leave them in peace. Why do we wanna search for them? If they don’t, I’m totally fine with it. Which brings me to the fact that I have my personal share of things which baffles me. But, mine aren’t exactly earth-shattering or require a whole NASA team.

1. Why my Dad is suddenly an Internet junkie.
I'm not even joking. He's spending 4-hours straight a day just sitting there, going online. The sites he goes to are Air Asia, mudah.com.my and he browses through watches and phones. I find this really weird. The story is during the first few times he goes online, was discovering how to book air tickets. I suppose he got addicted with the Internet, realizing there's so many things he can browse through. It's bothering me, because it's not normal.

2. Why he installed a PC in my room.
And as of last night, I have a whole set of desktop in my room. My table is congested. I have to replace all my things so I wouldn't go berserk, because I go crazy when there isn't enough space for my things. Yesterday, our Civic teacher was telling us about parents, their idiosyncrasies and how we must earn their respect before they can respect us. Having a computer in my room (instead of a laptop) is going to test my limits. I'll have to practice mediocrity! I told my Dad I want a new monitor because there's this effing fugly big black spot on the top left of the monitor (please please please) or maybe, an entire new desktop!

3. Why the things I dread in my head, they happen!
This is such a long story, from many occurrences I'm afraid you people won't believe me. It's so weird it's not even funny.

It's Sunday now and I'm only beginning to finish this post. I have so much to say that I'm turned off from saying it. Evening, world. I will be back.

Eating More Prunes!

2010-01-06T19:56:00.006+08:00

I turned to you and asked you why
You're so awake you must be tired
You say when we're apart you'll close your eyes
This is beautiful
This is beautiful
Unmistakable
This is beautiful
We spent the day in central park
I wrote my name down on your arm
You set off avalanches in my heart

- This Is Beautiful, Tyrone Wells.

It's only been the third day of school and I'm already falling into some sort of pattern. I (sometimes) detest monotony because well - who likes to have the same old routine over and over again? Unless it's your shower or hair or plucking your eyebrows routine... but that's different.

I wake up, going to school with wide albeit sleepy eyes and then towards the end of school, I'll look forward to going back! Because, at home, there's Sunsweet's prunes and Youtube! I watch all my videos while eating prunes. I hope I don't run out of them because I really like them. I want it to be my diet-staple.

Today was really sunny. The sun was practically merciless and since I'm not supposed to expose myself to direct sunlight, it's a pain in the arse for me! I used my Dracula novel to shield my face when I was walking along the distance my bus drops me off. I requested the new bus driver (who's really nice) to drop me off at the outside area instead of at the front of my house. I said it without thinking much because turns out I'm exposed to these:

a) more sunlight.
b) some dangerous man might be lurking around.
c) some loony dog might attack me.
d) it's just plain dangerous.

But I requested for it so I can't really do anything about it, can I? I just don't feel nice requesting again. Yes, I risk my being because I don't wanna tell my bus driver to drive me to the front of my house. Besides wanting to walk more, the driver has a really, really hard time reversing the bus after dropping me off if it's at the front of my house. I didn't wanna inconvenient him -____- School is bound to get worse, the weather is going to be doom-worthy soon, but I'm hanging on. Because there's no other choice (:

A few minutes ago, my Mum said, "Concentrate on your studies" while I'm facing the computer screen and I got slightly annoyed because I was thinking, just because I'm here doesn't mean I don't concentrate on my studies, okay? It just proves I'm doing something besides studying. Then, later, she repeated it again! Wtf.

It's not that I don't want her to care, but I know what I'm doing. Parents have been pestering me to go to a tuition center and they don't understand why I need to wait it out for a bit. I need to know where I am at before I go jumping down into the hot water. It's simple emotional logic.

Nuts. I need a new name. Something which doesn't get tired of being called too much.

EDIT: I have no problems with my Mum, by the way. She's the best. But, I just prefer to do my own planning.

Today's Sir Newton's Birthday!

2010-01-04T17:50:00.006+08:00

Fumble, don’t you fumble
That’s a flag on the play
Babe if you don’t wanna
Then you don’t have to wait
But together, we gon’ be taking over
It’s just the way
The game is played
It’s best if you just
Wait your turn

- Wait Your Turn, Rihanna

I know it's 4th of January and am a bit late with this post but nuts, it's still technically the beginning of January!

They say it's no use making resolutions because you're not supposed to wait for the new year to start what you wanna do, but instead - start right this instant. For me, I've always liked starting over. In fact, at the pace I tell myself to start over, I can be the Queen of Starting Over. It's inevitable for everyone (those who are like me) to feel hopeful and excited because nuts, here's a great chance to start the year with a wham.

Everytime I do something which disrupts my plans (which is often) I tell myself, "Start again tomorrow". Even if I know I won't achieve it. It's the sense of hope I get which I like. Something to look forward to, you know? And so, I'm one of those people who likes the idea of what New Year brings.

I was revising my New Year's resolutions. I think it's wiser for me to have a few resolutions than having a lengthy list because I'm not that disciplined and consistent -_____- What I'm setting myself up for is not something lofty or ambitious. These are picked because they're the most important ones.

My official resolutions:

1. Be a pescetarian.
Being a pescetarian would mean that my diet is mainly of fish-meat and plants and I'm not allowed to eat other meat (chicken, beef, lamb etc). I think this is a perfect solution for me because last year, I was wrecking my brain trying to think of an alternative for becoming a vegetarian because I don't eat vegetables! How the hell am I supposed to be a vegetarian? Lo and behold, I found my solution! I'm starting small, like a couple of times a week and will gradually increase my days. *fingers and toes crossed*

2. Learn a word a day.
Simple but requires a lot of consistency. Nuts, I sorely lack consistency. Shanan told me she likes reading the dictionary because it's therapeutic which is true. I'll learn a word accordingly down the alphabetical order. Isn't that awesome?

3. Not to be so obsessed/worried/paranoid with my looks.
Nuff' said.

4. Look up to my hardworking friends.
My class has a lot of hardworking students and good gosh, I want to be included inside the boat as well. Will try to be inspired by them to work hard, pay attention and not procrastinate. I will thank myself in the future for saying "NO" to the temptations!

What say you about my resolutions? I think they're pretty achievable :)

I arrived at school today almost at 9am -____- because of the massive traffic. It's the last time I'm gonna have a first day of school. That's alarming! It's so good seeing all my friends in uniforms again. Around the middle of the day, I felt like my eyeballs were going to explode because I woke up at 5.30am to make sure I got everything right :)

I'm reading Dracula and the cover of the book is really wigging me out. I've always thought Dracula was a clean-cut-handsome-cunning-seductive man. The above picture is nowhere near my imagination.

I am so sleeping early today. Not like 12am early, but more like 10pm early.

Love, kisses, bye!
Caely.

What Am I Nervous For?

2010-01-02T17:43:00.004+08:00

You are 16 going on 17
Baby it’s time to think
Better beware
Be canny and careful
Baby you're on the brink
You are 16 going on 17
Fellows will fall in line
Eager young lads
And roués and cads
Will offer you food and wine

- 16 Going on 17, from The Sound of Music

If you've read the last post, the number one factor which made me nervous and dreading the start of school is because I've got recent breakouts on my chin (sleeping-late-hormones). There's three of them and they're not going away soon. I was whining to my family when we were having dinner at TGI's Friday about how if it's possible, I'd rather not attend the first week of school till all my chin breakouts subside. Obviously, they think I'm going crazy over this.

Which is exactly what I thought a few minutes ago. Why am I stressing out so much? My classmates and friends have seen me during my worst days - my horribly bad hair days and generally days when I'm down under. Just because I look (possibly) bad on that day doesn't mean they won't like me anymore (right?).

One of my New Year's resolutions is to not stress about my appearance so I suppose I'm going to do just that. It's a toughie, but I can try to deal with it. Initially, I wanted to start the first day of school looking and feeling good (so the rest of the year'll be good) because I'm superstitious like that. Apparently, not all things go my way.

I'm trying to tell myself that it's going to be alright and just prioritize things that matter more than my own appearance. Like getting good grades! I'll probably have a hard time falling asleep on Sunday like I always do the night before school starts again.

I have a whole school year ahead of me. The sensible thing to do is not to weigh the whole year based on the first day. But, it's very taxing, you know. These bloody spots. My classmates and friends will not judge me, I know. I should always believe that.

Help, I'm Turning Into A Carrot

2010-01-01T16:20:00.006+08:00

Chances lost are hopes torn up pages
Maybe this time
Chances are we´ll be the combination
Chances come and carry me
Chances are waiting to be taken
And I can see
Chances are the fascination
Chances won't escape from me
Chances are only what we make them
And all I need

- Chances, Five for Fighting

I'm thoroughly worried right now - just like a carrot (or not). I didn't realize that I'm going to be starting school again this Monday! NOBODY told me that this coming Monday is the first day of school! I should know this myself but I didn't see it coming!

I was watching Wipeout Australia (which, by the way, is really hilarious) and I ran to my Mum:

Me: When's school starting ah?
Mum: This Monday!
Me: I thought it's next two weeks!!!!!
Mum: Who told you that?!

I immediately started panicking, thinking:

1. My breakouts on my chin have not cleared yet!!!!!!
2. Need to wash school bag, tie, and blazer.
3. Need to buy stationery.
4. Need to iron uniforms.
5. Need to prepare to wake up at 6am.
6. Have not bought hair products yet!
7. Unprepared! Unprepared! Unprepared!

I'm Asking Myself The Same Question!!

2009-12-31T00:00:00.006+08:00

I may seem crazy
Or painfully shy
And these scars wouldn't be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye
I feel alone here and cold here
Though I don't want to die
But the only anesthetic
that makes me feel anything kills inside
I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in

- Cut, Plumb

IS THIS REAL?!

I Wonder Where I Went

2009-12-28T16:23:00.005+08:00

Our quiet time,
your beautiful mind,
They're a part of the list.
Things that I miss.
Things like your funny little laugh,
the way you smile or the way we kiss.
What I noticed is this:
I come up with
something new, every single time
that I sit and reminisce.

- Part of the List, Ne-Yo

Three days more, and it's time to bid adieu to 2009. It's been a decade since the second millennium. Of course, I didn't give a hoot about the millennium because I was only 7 then. I didn't even know what a millennium was until I was 10 (I think). I was trying to sleep at 11pm yesterday but failed miserably and ended up sleeping at 3am. I think it was because I drank a bucket-worth of Chinese tea during dinner and drank green tea with lemon before sleeping. I thought it wouldn't affect me because it never did! This is weird, like how I discovered I don't need my night lamp anymore. Part and parcel of growing up, I guess.

This is not working out. I left this page here for half an hour and I've got nothing. I'm actually trying really hard here to remember all the things that has happened this year chronologically. I don't think my inability to recapture the moments is because they're not significant enough. There were a lot of important moments. Nuts. Perhaps it's due to the fact that I wanna move on and not look back anymore? I can't wait for next year, can't wait for school. There's a HUGE problem with my studies which is keeping me from looking forward to school. I'll have to work out eventually. That is alarming.

I've been making great progress with Konserto Terakhir. Finally a school-based novel that has nothing to do with war! The story is predictable and stuff like that but I don't see anything wrong with it being so. We should all stop expecting so much from a school novel. That being said, I'm making no progress with The Lovely Bones. I'll get to it after Konserto Terakhir.

A list for next year (they're not resolutions):

Continue drinking green tea with lemon every morning.
Eat oatmeal for breakfast every day except for Fridays and Sundays.
Buy my much coveted Straightening Spray which doubles as a Heat Protectant from Shins.
Will buy new shampoo & conditioner, body scrubs, masks and all that.
Go on a year-end shopping spree around KL with my girls.
Save my lunch money to achieve the above tasks which requires own money.
Not to fall asleep everytime I'm at the science lab.
Not to be obsessive about my hair or looks when I'm at school.
Look up to the hardworking friends of mine (ie. Audery) and follow suit.
Always keep in mind that you want to be like one of the women in Lipstick Jungle and work towards it!
Will pursue a tailoring class.
Finally, hunt this down:

I've been looking everywhere for this but can't find it. I've never understood why Jessica Simpson is famous but from the moment I smelled the sample from Vogue, I had to have it! The scent is so me. Please, please, please, let me have it.

I will come back to write more, when I'm not so blank. Meanwhile, tell me your not-so-resolute-resolutions.

Thirsty, With A Bottle In Hand

2009-12-25T16:53:00.008+08:00

We wish you a Merry Christmas;
We wish you a Merry Christmas;
We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Good tidings we bring to you and your kin;
Good tidings for Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Oh, bring us a figgy pudding;
Oh, bring us a figgy pudding;
Oh, bring us a figgy pudding
and a cup of good cheer

- We Wish You A Merry Christmas

I have a lot to say! Let's start:

1. I watched Avatar yesterday at Midvalley, The Gardens. I watched it in 3D and frankly - I think I'd enjoyed it more if I didn't watch it in 3D because I'm not used to it. The visuals were undeniably epic. The storyline was nothing to shout about, but I felt really bad for the Na'Vi people who was under attack by greedy humans that I almost hated being human. Sam Worthington is one hot Aussie export :)

2. I woke up to this a few days ago:

My Mum bought this January 2010 issue for me, and I was really surprised because I used to remember my Mum tsk-ing me about how it's unsuitable for me when I was 13. I'm going to be 17 next year and I think she accepted the fact.

3. I know I've showed you my manicure before but this is different:

It turned out so good that I skipped around the room merrily. I was afraid that I'll smudge it so I sat still with my hands on the table for an hour.

4. I bought The Lovely Bones in exchange for ironing a month worth of my Mum's clothes.

At first, I was thinking that ironing was a small fry job because it is seemingly so, but I'm not too sure now... The movie is coming out next year so I thought I should read the book first. I'm also trying to read the book Konserto Terakhir which is actually under my school's syllabus for next year. Head start, dude, head start.

5. I bought Rihanna's Rated R album:

I swear when I was in the cashier, this little girl and this woman was eyeing the album and I. They must be wondering how the album cover is horrible and suicidal-looking and I must be one sick girl for buying it. I really hate the "Malaysian Edition" thing that's going on. While it's awesome that an album priced at RM45, the price is reduced to RM29.90 but it doesn't come with the lyrics booklet! When I buy my albums, I want the damn booklet! They should have an Official Edition and a Malaysian Edition for us to choose.

6. Finally,

so, I'll stop here and have a merry christmas! Remember that,

and it works for guys as well, naturally.

Ramblings With a Morning Mind

2009-12-23T08:47:00.007+08:00

How you choose to express yourself
Its all your own and I can tell
It comes naturally,
it comes naturally
You follow what you feel inside,
It's intuitive, you don't have to try,
It comes naturally,
It comes naturally
And it takes my breath away
What you do, so naturally

- Naturally, Selena Gomez

I'm still in yesterday's clothes, with Vaseline on my lips and lashes. Vaseline works great on healing chapped lips so leave it overnight and see the results! I'm not sure if it can make your lashes longer, maybe it's just a moronic myth that morons do, but I'll tell you if it works. I'll be the moron first :) It's too bad that you can't feel the cheery vibe I'm projecting right now. I woke up at 6.30am today which meant my plan worked! If you're wondering what plan, kindly read the post below.

I've been watching Youtube for the past hour, getting my daily dose before the connection gets constipated. My Dad woke up early and saw me. You woke up early just to use this?, says he. He wasn't mad at all, but he wants to take this laptop away! It's like taking my life away and I'm not exaggerating! I can't blog without the laptop. My Dad is really crazy sometimes. When he doesn't want people using something, he hides it. Like, what little kids do. It's embarrassing to tell you, even. He hid our portable DVD player and now it's nowhere to be found. He hid this laptop once because he doesn't want us using it. He didn't even buy it so he shouldn't bother. He thinks we'll spoil it one day. Sometimes you'd wanna knock his medieval brain out.

On another entirely different note, I hate periods. Don't read this if you don't want to. I wake up in the middle of the night all of a sudden, and the first thing I worry about is if I had stained the mattress. Then I have to trot my sleepy self to the bathroom. And I can only sleep in a particular position, which is with my face up back down. It's so restrictive! Or maybe I'm being too careful. My pelvis area sometimes get bloated, and breakouts come out.

I don't get period pains on my pelvis area -- I've never had them, but I get back pains! Seriously, BACK PAINS. Who gets back pains?! My Mum says it's because I drink too much cold beverages. A word for all the girls out there, please avoid cold beverages when you're having your period. Do as I say and not as I do please (teehee). It's really important, according to my Mum's gynaecologist. One of the reasons why my Mum has cysts is because of her lifestyle.

When I get my period, I don't usually realize that I'm cranky. I thought about it, whether I do or not. And, I think I do! When you see me being unresponsive and weird, blame PMS! Sigh, this is what we girls go through. But, I guess I should be grateful about my normal condition. I've heard that some period gets so painful, the person has to take pills. I can't imagine what a period pain feels like. You can ask me about the period back pains though. I have to be careful of how I sit, sleep, eat for days and I'm much too lazy for all these restrictions. Part and parcel of growing up, a thing we have to endure every month, every year.

Good gosh, why am I talking about PMS, you ask.

I don't know, I just thought of it. Oh, I went back to my paternal Grandma on Sunday for the Winter Solstice celebration. Not many were there, just a few of my uncles and aunt and my 20-year old female cousin. My aunts, cousin and myself were busy talking about hair and body care. I was having difficulties in telling them about a lot of things because my terms are all in English, not Cantonese. But, I now have so much of new information in my pocket. Although I sometimes get annoyed by my relatives' scrutiny, judgement and bluntness, they're still my relatives like how my family is my family.

I'm going to watch Avatar this Thursday and I'm really excited about it, I heard the visuals were amazing. At that, I'll leave you to your thoughts now and have a good day!

Lush, Blush and Flush!

2009-12-22T17:11:00.009+08:00

The city that never sleeps
better slip you an Ambien
New York
Concrete jungle where dreams are made of,
There's nothing you can’t do,
Now you're in New York
These streets will make you feel brand new,
the lights will inspire you,
Let's hear it for New York, New York, New York

- Empire State of Mind, Jay-Z feat. Alicia Keys

I am really thoroughly annoyed with the SPEED OF THE INTERNET. And it doesn't help that I'm feeling groggy even at 5 in the evening with disheveled hair. Everyone is (secretly) impatient, especially when it comes to the Internet. What do us Internet junkies want is a fully functional speed that can keep up with our pace. Nuts, I don’t wanna wait 5 seconds for my page to load. I don’t wanna wait 10 minutes for a Youtube video to load. Is that so hard? Am I reaching for the stars here? Not really! I think I’ve mentioned that I’ve stayed up till the early mornings so I can load all my videos in one go. I should do that but in an entirely different ballpark. I’ll try to sleep early and get up extremely early so I can watch all my videos and read all the blogs I want in peace. Except, I hardly think my parents are going to be too happy about that, but heck − I’m sleeping early so it makes sense. If you and my inner self are thinking that I can never achieve this, think again you and inner me! I will do it for the sake of loading Gossip Girl, beauty videos and movies. Revelation : whenever I sleep late, breakouts start on the chin! Nuts.

On a mission to pwn the God of Internet,
Caely.

UPDATE : Oh, the sidebar's on the left now. It's more natural there for me. Claps for me, for knowing how to do that! :)

Baskin Robbins Ice Cream I Want

2009-12-20T05:41:00.005+08:00

With the little white lies.
And the faded picture
Of a beautiful night
You carry me from your car
up the stairs
And I'm broke-down cryin'
Was she worth this mess?,
After everything in that little black dress
After everything, I must confess,
I need you

- The Other Side of the Door, Taylor Swift

I haven't been talking to anyone lately, except for my family. When I log into Messenger, I don't reply to people. I don't reply to comments and I don't comment. Apologies for that :) I'm not a person who broods all the time or someone who lapses into a sudden emo mood. My lack of emo genes don't allow me to do what usual emo people do. In fact, I'm not too fond of the word "emo". Yes, when I think about it now I definitely have a problem with that word. I've been thinking alot these past few days about who I am. I watched an episode of America's Next Top Model the other day and one of the girls kept repeating, "I lost my identity in this competition. I don't know who I am anymore." I was extremely annoyed with her because she slurs when she speaks and she kept repeating the same thing like a broken tape recorder.

One good thing did come out of it is that I got an Aha! moment. I don't think I know who I am anymore. I hope I don't sound like the aforementioned broken tape recorder. Scratch that. I *do* know who I am but I'm tired of all the things I feel. Guilt, being the number one source of emotion tiredness. Lack of discipline as well. I'm someone who doesn't have the discipline to follow what is right. I'm constantly setting these easy goals for myself to do and I fail to achieve it. Time and again, I give my self chances that deep down, I know I'm not going to complete. I lost count of how many times I've told myself that I want to go over my studies during the holidays. What I'm left with is self-pity, anxiousness and disappointment. I've probably made it clear that I hate self-pitifulness, so I try to discard that feeling.

But, the feeling which I want to get rid of is the anxiousness. I have never sat in a test where I don't feel anxious. I don't have the enviable ability to memorize 100% of the contents of my textbook as easily as some of my friends. I don't believe in memorizing anyway and that is why I have to constantly force myself to do it. If you have studied, you can look nervous and all that but I'm *very* sure, inside your heart of hearts, you're as confident as hell. Nuts. I don't like that feeling. I wanna be able to take a test and breeze right through it. I need that. Where do I start?

I've finished wrapping all of next year's school books. Bought it today and vowed to wrap all of them by tonight. I have a thing with protecting things and I love it when they're new and shiny. My Mum was asking me if I wanted to buy anything else, uniforms and such. I said, "Nah, it's my last year." It hits me, next year is the end of high school. Should I be excited? Some people are just dying to get out of their schooling life and to do whatever they want. I doubt the "outside world" is as easy as they think it is and you can never "do whatever you want".

The books signifies how the year's ending and hurrah, another year is here -- albeit a bound-to-be-stressful-and-different year. I've always wanted something more than just new school books and new school shoes in a new school year. I want something more *adventurous* but I know I can never get it.. -____- Now the sound of my fingers drumming into the keyboard is really loud. This sounds ridiculous, but I'm afraid it will somehow wake my parents up. Good gosh, I'm paranoid.

Alright, I vented as much as I could, this is as succint as it can get. It's time for another year. As overused as this line is, I'm still gonna say : It's time for a new adventure! Or maybe I should've saved that line until after high school is over. Nuts, I'm off to Neopets!

Good day and may good things come your way,
Caely.
(it rhymes, wtf)

Whisper Hello To Me

2009-12-19T06:56:00.003+08:00

There's always something
In the way
There's always something
Getting through
But it's not me, it's You
Sometime's ignorance, rings true
But hope is not in
What I know
Not in me, it's in You
It's all I know

- You, Switchfoot

I know I rant about my Dad occasionally. You have no idea how many times I've said I hated him and I don't even mind if he's not here with us. Who needs him here, I would say. After that I will always, always feel guilty. Like how I feel guilty about all the horrible things I've thought of other people. It's tiring. This guilt. Why can't we just think something harsh and mean about a person and not feel guilty about it?

I think I was sleeping. The moment when you're still somewhat awake but am on the verge of slipping away to sleep. With my earphones, it was tangled around my neck. Then, I think Dad opened the door. He is always checking on brother and I at night to make sure we're sleeping. If we aren't, he'll pester us about it and we give him the same answer time and again. He pulled my earphones out which I thought was nicely hidden under my comforter. He looked at my air-conditioner's temperature. He brushed my hair out of my forehead. That was when I thought, Okay lah I'm sorry. Then I opened my eyes and all I see was the darkness. Am I blind?! I shifted my head a little and saw the faint green blip on the AC. I turned left and saw the glow-in-the-dark hands of my alarm clock. I'm safe, I'm not blind.

Good gosh. Can you believe it's been four days since I've been out? As of now, I'm taking advantage of the lightning speed the Internet has in the morning, ferociously loading all my Youtube videos (most of them beauty related). I think my legs stopped working. They decided to take the day off apparently after walking tirelessly around Genting. A few hours from now, I will be heading to school to get next year's syllabus for myself and Shan as well. The first step into the next year.

Good night. Or rather, good morning everyone.

I Like To Tell Myself This :

2009-12-15T22:27:00.007+08:00

Used to dream bout being a millionaire,
Without a care
But if I'm seeing my dreams
And you aren't there, cause it's over
That just won't be fair, darling
Rather be a poor woman living on the street
No food to eat
Cause I don't want nobody if I have it cry
Cause it's over when you say goodbye

- Doesn't Mean Anything, Alicia Keys

All the things I want now which seem unreachable. I will get them, in time.
All I have to do is wait for that one day.
:)

Days In Pictures

2009-12-14T13:19:00.005+08:00

Meet me on the Equinox
Meet me half way
When the sun is perched at it's highest peek
In the middle of the day
Let me give my love to you
Let me take your hand
As we walk in the dimming light
Or darling understand
That everything, everything ends

- Meet Me On The Equinox, Death Cab for Cutie

I always feel like I have a lot to catch up on, whenever I miss a day or two on the Internet. It's as if the world had left me for two days and I'm supposed to strap up my running shoes and chase it till I'm in the know again. Reader's Digest published a survey on which people would rather give up : phone, TV or the Internet. I think I need my Internet more than I need the phone or TV because nobody watches TV on the TV anymore and Internet can act as our mean of communication anyway.

I've been asking for a bookshelf for the longest of time! I'm triple stacking them, what the nuts.

I've printed some awesome quotes and phrases (mostly inspirational) and stuck them up on my "motivating" side of the wall. Ain't imagination grand?

I've started watching Gossip Girl again, currently in Season 2. I find myself getting annoyed with Dan and Serena, although they were my favorite in Season 1. I'm actually rooting for Chuck and Blair. I can't help but think that shows like Gossip Girl and the likes condition us to be mean. We watch for the fun of it and to drool over the clothes and guys, but what about those without sufficient sense in them? They'll mix reality with the show up.

I'm making a collage (or montage, however you wanna call it) on a huge black paper. I used to do it on little A4 papers, but I decided to do something better and bigger so I can stick it up on the wall. I did the backdrop, now contemplating the arrangement of the other pictures. I'm going to add pictures of my friends as well. The prospect of this finished project is so exciting :)

Hey Liza!

Those who have read the previous post know that I'm going for a sewing class one day so that I can create my own clothes. It's a long way to go -____- but I think I should at least prepare myself for a bit. I started cross-stitching again. My Mum gave me all the materials on cross-stitching when I was 11 and I stopped after a quarter of it because cross-stitching can get tedious and boring. After 5 years, I dug the whole thing up from under of my bed, and started doing it again!

A close up:

Nuts, I really hope this won't be a "5-minutes" fling thing.

As you can see, I leave no time for revising my studies. How is everyone's day coming along? Oh, I can't believe I left this out. Remember how I told you I wanted to paint my room pink and such? Yesterday, Dad said :

"I buy the paint, you paint yourself okay?"

What the nuts! :D
Thank you for crossing your fingers for me!

A Little Voice In My Head

2009-12-11T03:33:00.008+08:00

Hello, hello, baby;
You called, I can't hear a thing.
I have got no service
in the club, you see, see…
Wha-Wha-What did you say?
Oh, you're breaking up on me…
Sorry, I cannot hear you,
I'm kinda busy.

- Telephone, Lady Gaga feat. Beyonce

1. My brother talks in his sleep! How queer is that? I heard him mumbling some inaudible sentences while I was sneaking into his room to get my midnight dose of the laptop.

2. I realize once again that I should be extremely grateful that I have such a grandmother whom I can call my own. Yesterday, she boarded the bus and came to deliver our dinner (Dad who usually goes to my grandparents' house to fetch our dinner was running late), as usual I was alone. I was on the Internet downstairs while she was folding the clothes, and we had a nice, long conversation. She said a great amount of absurd and atrocious things which is too embarrassing to write here. But, I know she has my best interest at heart. She made me a pillow because she thinks that all our "normal" pillows have bugs in it, which eats our skin -___- She is very stubborn about her theory and I've said everything to prove otherwise but she wouldn't budge. So, she made me a pillow which she's absolutely sure that bugs cannot fester in it, and she made me another adorable pink cushion as well. She's making me a bolster! She said that I ought to take up a sewing class after my SPM which I actually wanted to, ever since I watched how Jenny in Gossip Girl create her own clothes. Oh, my grandmother is buying me a mini pail for me... don't ask. When it was time she went back, I felt sad :(

The pillow and cushion :

3. I've watched The Invasion the second time. I absolutely love paranormal-end-of-the-world movies. They're rare gems, because I can't find good ones. The Invasion is the one to blame for my wrecking of my sleep pattern! From the moment Daniel Craig said, "You can easily go without sleep for a week" to Nicole Kidman, I've been telling myself that I don't need sleep as much as I think I need it. Wtf.

4. This is a twist to the classic French manicure. I think it's gorgeous :

5. Christmas is near. It's time to explore different malls to see how good they are in decorating their center courts this year. It's always been my Mum's interest to do so and apparently, it's contagious.

6. My parents bought three boxes of Quaker's 90 calories granola health bars. I've been eating them every day. How can one resist scrumptious 90 calories health bars? It has only 90 calories in it, that alone should be horribly tempting. I feel so deprived sometimes. I want to jog everyday, but my parents say jogging unaccompanied will get me kidnapped, what's with the rise of foreigners. The only schoolmate who lives nearby is this girl named Eunice and I'm not even close to her. Well, if you know her, you'll probably understand why I'm not asking her. I want to go to the club to swim and play squash, but my parents work till the late evenings and I've got no transport. So, I'm reduced to one trip to the club per week. I want to skip rope at the front porch of my house, but it's so public. People who passes by will think I'm from Valley of the Whack. Wtf.

7. I'm making such a poor progress in my books because the time I have is spent on the Internet. Is anyone having the same problem as I am? :(

8. My Dad asked me the other day (while I was on my way to Shan's house), he said : "Is Sungai Long better or the area we live in better?" I was taken aback, with Adam Lambert blasting at my ear drums. I said, "Uh, our area is better since we're in the middle of everything. But, all my friends are at Sungai Long!" He replied with something which is highly offending! Basically, a three-quarter of my social circle lives in Sungai Long, I think it's best not to write my Dad's retort here. Teehee :)

9. I've changed my blog's layout and would greatly appreciate some feedback! Let me know what you think, like if the purple is too nauseating.

10. I would love to have a look-see in Disney, Pixar and Google. Better yet, I'd love to be an intern there. Aren't you the least bit curious of what's inside their work place?

Love, kisses and good day,
Caely.

Just A Short One

2009-12-10T19:28:00.007+08:00

And it was New York, New York
And she took his heart away oh my
And it was New York, New York
She had poisoned his sweet mind
Mmmm
The wolves they howled for my lost soul
I fell down a deep black hole
He left me for another lady

- New York, Paloma Faith

My peeps and I were sitting around Shanan's dining table, having explosive laughs and pleasant conversation (are gossip conversation?) with couscous on our plates. Couscous is a Middle Eastern wheat, which looks like rice except they're finer. I've always wanted to try it, and voila - dream came true. We were basically a bunch of gossip crazies. We ordered Domino's after Garett went back home. He missed his chance of wrecking his diet, but he already did so in the first place because we gave him chocolates and cakes.

So, we eventually drifted to the topic of blogging. Someone said something about how there's a blogger named Reiko, and she had been blogging ever since she's a teen. And, the shocking thing of it all is, now she's a mother. She's still blogging! Remember how people always asks us to stop thinking about the past or ponder over the possibilities in the future and just live in the moment? I don't know if blogging - for me - is something which belongs to the "now" time slot. I may be well over this next year or when I'm in college. It's hard to tell.

If blogs and Youtube don't exist, I can't imagine what I'll be left doing. Something which requires more energy than plonking myself here, no doubt. I'm well settled with my diary now. I don't make as much entries as I do there than here. I don't want it to be a chore. I want it to be something which I do when I want to.

One thing is for sure, I am sure I won't be blogging anymore when I become a mother like that blogger. It feels weird. Imagine your Dad or Mum blogging. Well, my Mum has a cooking blog of her own, so it's not hard to imagine.

My Own Asian and Western Dilemma

2009-12-07T07:07:00.017+08:00

If you only knew
I'm hanging by a thread
The web I spin for you
If you only knew
I'd sacrifice my beating
Heart before I lose you
I still hold onto the letters
You returned
I swear I've lived and learned

- If You Only Knew, Shinedown

It's 5am as I'm writing this in Notepad.

People in this side of the world are starting their day right this instance and as for me? I didn't sleep. Technically, I'm continuing my day. As you all know, I'm extremely determined to wound my body's clock into a healthy one. I'm doing it right now! Explanation : On Saturday, I made a mistake by sleeping at 4am because I was reading a book. I woke up on Sunday at 1pm. I can't sleep now because I'm not sleepy because I woke up at 1pm! So, the only way to correct everything is by drinking coffee and watching movies, not sleeping now so I'll be tired tonight and will sleep early henceforth which will bring me to waking up early on Tuesday morning! This is a genius plan, isn't it? (pretend you understand what I'm saying even if you don't).

After watching two movies and playing Diner Dash, I thought I'd best put my caffeine-infused brain into some serious typing. My third movie was a Korean movie called Unstoppable Marriage. I laughed so hard, smiled so widely and cried so severely. I have a confession to make. I actually like watching Korean dramas and movies! They are actually very good. I like the romantic and funny ones. Then again, all of them are probably has romance and comedy in it. Well, I'm not sure if they're Oscar material but they're good for passing the time :) Who's agreeing with me?

I'm not going to write an essay about how I think about the movie, you can easily buy the DVD (or lend it from Shanan like I did) and judge for yourself. There is an element in the movie which I think we all should ponder upon. At least, I did. The movie has this mother who is terribly rich and only likes foreign things. She looks down upon her own Korean traditions because it's not classy enough. Made me feel so guilty -_____- because..

I'm very English oriented. I'm very stubborn when it comes to the fact that I'm very influenced by the Western culture and I frankly like to be this way. It's not because I'm like the rich woman in the movie, wanting to act like the Westerners or the Europeans because they're more higher end. Who's to say that they're the higher end, anyway? Just because they're more technologically advanced? Okay, maybe that's the reason but it couldn't (and shouldn't) be the only reason. I admit, I sometimes wonder why I must follow and go along with all these Chinese-like practices. Perhaps the only reasonable reason is that I'm born into this culture and I'm supposed to try to fit into this culture and not be influenced by others.

I'm not saying it's a demeaning thing, to be a Chinese. I wouldn't want to be a Caucasian or any other ethnicity even if I had a choice. I don't know. I'm just really loyal to what I have and am (on most occasions). We all are loyal to what we are and am. I prefer to think it that way even if I'll be accused of being naively optimistic. For instance, I'd like to think that we're all secretly patriotic to our country even if we moan and groan about it. I'm okay this way. But being influenced by the Western culture, I don't think that's bad. Maybe it's bad in a way, because sometimes I catch myself being all, "Why can't we be like the Americans? Be free like them, go out whenever we want. Walk anywhere we want. No old fuss pots behind us, nagging at us."

I do ocassionally hate the whole Asian thing. It's funny how we're constantly unsatisfied with what we are. Always envying other people. Can I say that we're built this way? Typical Chinese traditions and food, I'm fine. But the whole "chineser" mentality, I will never get. Never will I be one of them, I'm sorry. Although it is like that, I still hold on to all the Chinese things which is dear and important, so I'm not all that ungrateful!

You will never ever see me trading my Char Siew Pau for a Greek Salad, okay! Not just because I don't eat green vegetables. Char Siew Pau is legendary.

Pipsqueaks!

2009-12-05T23:45:00.002+08:00

You're automatic,
And your heart's like an engine
I die with every beat
You're automatic,
And your voice is electric
Why do I still believe?
It's automatic
Everywhere in your letter
A lie that makes me bleed

- Automatic, Tokio Hotel

As we all know (I'm assuming you know), I'm very particular with what I post up here. If I feel like the post is pointless or not good enough, I don't post it up. Sometimes I realize this a bit later, that is why you see me drafting my posts after posting them up. It was as if I was holding a rusty but nifty torch, searching for some ideas inside my head to be made into words. When you have predictability everyday, blogging sort of turns me off. It loses its appeal to me. Even my poor diary received the same treatment from me. Oh well. I'd rather post good posts up instead of having a couple of inane, pointless posts everyday.

Yesterday, while I was in the car with Mum and brother, Mum was telling me about something regarding my Dad. It dawned on me that there is a very fine, invisible line separating the good and bad things that can happen. Think about it. Why do bad things happen? Because we're careless or that we deserve it maybe. Why do good things happen to us? Perhaps we worked hard for it or we're just plain lucky. Whichever way you want to believe, I think there's a fine line between both of the sides.

So ultimately fine and fragile, it can break any time.

It's pretty scary, huh, when you think about it. I started thinking about this because I was fumbling through my skirt's pockets, searching for my phone. I remembered distinctly that I put it there when I was buying those headbands! A few seconds later, I was basically rummaging frantically for the bloody phone. I was hoping silently that I didn't leave it behind and bam, it was under my butt. I was sitting on it the whole time. Bloody hell.. Gave me the scare of the week! I couldn't imagine what I'd do without my phone and I'm serious. Everything is in it. Something bad could've happen.

Then, Mum went on telling both brother and I about how Dad is turning 50 and getting old. He smokes, occasionally drinks and this lifestyle does not ring healthy. He is going to step inside the realm of blur, which will hence be followed by Alzheimer's! Although he plays badminton 3 times a week, he should cut down on all the smokes and alcohol. Something bad could happen, again.

There's this accident which involved my one of my Dad's friend's Mum. I thought it was pretty stupid because who in the world would let 4 old women drive a car to and back from Genting?! They drove into a ditch and unfortunately, the car exploded in flames because of the crash. Both in the front seats survived but the really, really horrific thing was both in the back seats didn't survive. They were burnt alive, screaming while hugging each other.

Dying unconsciously and quickly is a quick and easy way to die, but being burnt alive is just unimaginable. Imagine the pain. If you accidentally burn your fingertips, you'd already be like, in agony. What happens if you're being burnt throughout your whole entire body! They're so old and they have to succumb to pain. The most horrifying thing is that it could happen to anyone. Anytime.

How now? Does that mean we have to hide in our four walls and never go out? Because dangers and risks are all around us. The ceiling might crumble down upon me right this minute (God forbid) for all I know. Well, that would be the worst thing imaginable right now, because I'm trying to finish a post here!

Some pictures from Pavilion today :

Mummy is love :)

This is me, rocking my new baby pink heels (they're wedges!) and now, as I'm writing this, I'm joyfully poking the blister I've gotten from it. I have never gotten blisters in my life, and I didn't know it can get all balloon-esque with air and liquid inside. How cute is that?!

No Rules. Chemistry Is Important

2009-12-02T17:24:00.004+08:00

It doesn't matter what you see.
I know i could never be
Someone that looks like you.
It doesn't matter what you say
I know i could never face
someone that could sound like you.
All the right friends in all the wrong places
So yeah, we're going down
We've got all the right moves and all the wrong faces
So yeah, we're going down

- All The Right Moves, One Republic

I watched Brokeback Mountain last midnight on DVD. And it was just, wow. I noticed that males show a lot of roughness and grunting as a sign of affection to each other -__- Well, at least, in the movie it was like that. The relationship between Jack and Ennis was just so startling and amazing. I have never seen such odd chemistry. Knowing that both of them are male and they happen to be in love with each other, I expected a more prominent soft side in both of them. But, no. You don't get to see their softer and more loving side unless Jack and Ennis both show it. As guys, they don't talk a whole lot. But, when they started to know each other and formed that invisible line which ties both of them together, they can yak a whole lot. When they were seperated for four years, and finally got to meet again, Ennis was so happy that his wife was similar to a non-existant mosquito.

Another thing, throughout the movie, both of them never said "I love you". Not once.

They're just a couple of confused people who loves each other roughly yet tenderly, I think. One thing which is odd here is that Jack and Ennis both are really rugged and manly. Because, obviously - today's society usually protray homosexual relationship differently. One has to be the girlier one, the other the manlier one. There's one thing about guys, whether they're in a relationship or a friendship, especially in the movie -- Ennis or Jack can go off without looking back. They hide their emotions so much. Girls don't do that (at least I don't) -- I think we'll at least have to look back a few times while waving goodbyes at our friend. Then, they acknowledge each other in *silence* or at most, they nod their heads. We girls, we usually have such joviality when we greet each other.

However, when Jack and Ennis both realized their feelings for each other, they greeted with more grunts, punches, and fierce hugs and kisses. Also, guys, when they don't feel like talking, they don't talk do they? The retreat to their little "caves" to do their thinking. What I do pity about their relationship is that the women who fell in love with them suffer. Jack and Ennis can never truly love their wives. I don't know why Ennis didn't want to go live with Jack, like how Jack suggested. I think it's because Ennis wanted some normality and he was somewhat scared. I think such relationships are perfectly normal and they don't have to care what other people thinks. Well, the circumstances are different. We're in the 21st century now and the movie was set back during the 60's.

"Brokeback Mountain, if you are willing to give it a chance, is an emotional, heartbreaking movie."

Of Red Rain and Flowy Skirts

2009-12-01T23:12:00.005+08:00

Oh, do you know what you got into?
Can you handle what I’m ’bout to do?
‘Cause it’s about to get rough for you
I’m here for your entertainment
Oh, I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet
‘Ya fallen angel swept ya off ya feet
Well I’m about to turn up the heat
I’m here for your entertainment

- For Your Entertainment, Adam Lambert

1. I think I've slipped into a pace where I have to think for a second which day today is. There is always a time when time matters, but not much. Sometimes, I purse my lips and twiddle my thumb, staring at nothing and being annoyed with the world. The world didn't do anything wrong, mind you -- it's just me being spiteful. Because, I don't know what I want. There is such a vast field of choices, I don't know where to start. Again, I'm confronted with a situation similar to the time when the waiter handed me the Paddington Pancake House menu. I was so peeved with it, because they have the worst, most confusing and packed menu ever. I want to do so many things. I want to have it all. Why am I being like this, I wonder. This is such a problem, or maybe I myself am the problem. I make problems way more complicated than they are, over-thinking things. I was mopping the floor, and the brother came home from college, trying to have a joyful banter with me and I gave him the evil eye because he disrupted my thoughts. I am such a problem.

2. Guess what? Okay, you'll never guess because it's so unlike me. I slept at 10 yesterday and I got up at around 10 today. This is an accomplishment! Let's see if I can keep this up.

3. People whom I've talked to would know this and this is not exactly CNN news, but I've cleaned and wiped my room and every fucking inch of it! I finished last Sunday and took 3 days to do it. I think my feet and back almost fell off, in fact - it's not hard to believe they did fall off. This is also another accomplishment. The cleaning room part is an accomplishment, not my body parts falling off part. My room is basically dust-free and smells like the Softlan softener. There is something to be proud of here, because I did not avoid creepy corners.

4. If you're wondering what I've been doing these days (if you're not wondering, I'm going to tell you anyway), I've been confined to my four walls and in my house. Don't be surprised if you find me one day in a lunatic's hospital. To add to my pending lunacy, all I do during the day is watch a movie, eat fruits, watch a bit of telly, and go onto the Internet. I go onto the Internet again during the night and read a book or a magazine before I sleep. This is not the way I picture things to be. I'm not really a laze-on-the-couch person (I prefer the bed). I want to move! The ridiculous thing is I'm not allowed because it's dangerous. Fuck dangers.

5. I've yet to tell people this. I have adopted this slight Southern drawl to my words. I speak more like a girly teenager now and I already speak like one. The reason being, I keep watching this make-up tutorial person named Blair. She's really pretty and is the second most popular person in the How To & Style channel in Youtube. She's my age as well, and that's why I like her even more! She has a Vlog channel, which adds to her accent influence in mine. It's not permanent, at least - I hope it wouldn't be. But, I don't think it's a bad influence.

6. I know I'm at page 28 of The Time Traveler's Wife, but it's really good. Books bought with your own money have that sparkle in them, don't they? In fact - anything you buy with your own money has that "well-deserved" stamp on it :)

7. To everyone out there who would like to start eating cornflakes everyday, go for the Nestle one. Don't be fooled by Kellogg's and how it's an American brand and such. Their cornflakes suck. It's thin, entirely too flaky, and doesn't have much taste in it. Nestle is the absolute opposite and it's from the UK.

I Want This Holiday To Be Productive!

2009-11-26T16:08:00.005+08:00

I am girl of my own words (sometimes).

Hence, I'm going to really clean my room! Well, I clean and tidy my room everyday, but those are just basic housekeeping normalities. This time, my cleaning means, turning the mattress and the cupboards and tables upside down, take all my things out and wipe them clean (including books), arrange my drawers and clothes, vacuum every inch of my room including the underside of my bed (eww). I have to wash all of my sheets and cushions as well. It's been a long while since I've done this and my room is basically DUSTY in places I ignore.

Meanwhile, I'll have to sleep in my parents' room because I have no where to sleep, since I'm turning my room upside down and rightside up!

I really, really hope I can get new pink curtains and a pink comforter set. I also hope my parents will buy paint for me, so I can paint my racks and table lamp pink. Cross fingers for me, will you? I really really really want this :(

I'm going to have to don a surgical mask and two gloves!! Should I start now?

Everybody say Hi to <3 Charlie :

Oh, if I don't come back, it means I've been eaten by the dust mites or have been infected by some viral room plague.

Just By Understanding

2009-11-25T16:41:00.007+08:00

If roses are meant to be red
And violets to be blue
Why isn't my heart meant for you
My hands longing to touch you
But I can barely breathe
Starry eyes that make me melt
Right in front of me
Lost in this world
I even get lost in this song
And when the lights go down
That is where I'll be found

- Lost, Anouk

I will always remember the late nights I've pulled off for these past couple of years. Usually, I have such nights because I'm that lazy. Being lazy should be one of the seven deadly sins. However, being lazy doesn't play a big part in procrastinating. It's more due to the fact that I also have the tendency of not doing things when I'm not in the mood, when I'm uninspired and when I'm not passionate about it. I'm sixteen and a girl, so basically - I can come up with a lot of excuses to dodge matters at hand or just simply ignore them until I feel like acknowledging them.

I don't wake up one day, and go, "Oh, you know what? I don't wanna sleep early today. I wanna sleep at 4 in the morning!" I try my best not to stay up late because I know it's really bad for me (I care because it involves vanity reasons). But, as you all know, I'm not a morning person and technically, I'm motionless and useless in the afternoons. Night is the only time where I can watch a movie happily, talk to people nicely, and succumb to a blissful oblivion.

Most of the late nights that I've pulled are because of my school work like unfinished assignments and last minute cramming. I remember once, I practically camped in the second living room with the laptop and all of my materials needed to complete my Chemistry assignment which is... to create a somewhat life sized Periodic Table of Elements. I thought it was stupid and tedious because we have a printed one in our Reference Book, another one in our Text Book, plus a drawn one in our Practical Book. I decided that I don't need to pass it up so quickly, so it was officially chucked away...

Until the night before, I realized my teacher was serious about it, and the stupid assignment is going to affect my grade. What the hell! I got the materials beforehand, and miraculously, I was inspired... and I had the mood for it... and I was passionate about it! I worked on it the whole night and slept on the couch at about 5 in the morning. I was really satisfied with my work. It turned out exactly how I wanted it to be. I like working with crafts, colored papers, and a pair of scissors.

Then, there was a time when I was having my first term's exams this year. I had my laptop and books and camped in the second living room again. I read and studied till I was hanging dry, while watching Breakfast At Tiffany's on Youtube. Yes, the entire movie! It was so nice and the stress wasn't there. Okay, stress wasn't there because I like History (that was the subject I was studying) and I have Youtube with me!

All the while, through those nights, I didn't care about how tired I was. I knew it was going to work out eventually. Because, I actually liked it. Things get easy doesn't it? When we're in our zone, and when we love what we're doing.

*Trying to spend lesser time on the Internet, my eyes and head can't take it. I have my nifty alarm beside me which goes off noisily every half an hour now (while the sun is baking half of my face) to remind me of my limits. By the by, I'm singing really loudly since there ain't no one in the house and I'm guessing my neighbors can hear me...*

Excited In A Box

2009-11-22T19:33:00.004+08:00

Did you see the shiny moon?
Turned into a black balloon
Just as you walked away from me
Did you see how hard I've tried?
Not to show the pain inside
Just as you walked away from me
Who painted the moon black?
Just when you passed your love back
Who painted the moon black?

- Who Painted The Moon Black, Hayley Westernra

The other day, I gently grazed the surface of a rather unthought of topic with my Mum. Which is, whether if I'm going to be living in my home for the rest of my life... until I hop into the marriage wagon. Regardless if I have dorms in my college or any other circumstances. I think my parents are quite a couple of traditionalist, but not to an extent where it can choke me and I'll die. For instance, my Mum have this "thing" with my going to my friends' house. I don't know why she doesn't like it. It's not like I have cooties that I can infect my friends' houses. I'm invited and I don't see the wrong in it.

They probably became more of it after the incident which happened to my older cousin sister. She was living with a couple of friends, several blocks away from my house and she's a beautician. She's a good person but I've always known she had the wild streak in her and her social circle consists of those whom I'd rather stay away from. Well, she invited this guy she had met for only a few days to her house, because it was late and he needed a shower. Somehow, he drugged her and raped her. She found out she was pregnant 3 months after. 3 months is a really long time and it baffles me. How can she manage not to know? Wouldn't you throw up or get cramps or anything? I heard your period stops.

Our entire family, including close and distant relatives, contemplated her situation (some even had the nerve to gossip about it and that shows how ungracious they are) and my aunt and uncle whose her parents came to my parents and they helped find a solution. They thought the whole raping story was farse, and that my cousin brought it on herself. I avoided talking about it, because despite the fact that I'm unable to imagine the humiliation of it all, I do know how heavy the pressure is on her. How it actually happened and how she found a solution for it is not my place to tell, though.

After this incident, my Dad was utterly critical about a girl's independence. All through the course, he was complaining to the air about how girls are getting uncontrolled. I was thinking, "Hello, excuse me, not all of us are like that!" They know of course that I will never be like that, because I'm beyond the Valley of Right. But, I suppose, even if the incident never happened, they'll still hold on to me -__- Not that I have anything against my parents being protective but you see, I've always dreamed of having my own place when I start working. I can safely say that the Western culture had influenced me more than I thought. Even if I'm flat broke on my own, I'll still manage. Perhaps you'd think I don't know what I'm talking about because it sounds so chimerical. I'm not being ungrateful to my parents here either.

We've talked about it with Mum, about how Skinny Brother and I are going to spend our adult lives. The impending question is, how am I supposed to let her know what I want? Wait till the time comes?

The thing is, I don't want to live in this box my entire early adult life.

(This is not an emo post. You'll know why I wrote this tomorrow if you're reading this now! I'm so excited about this whole master plan I'm coming up with!!)

It Didn't Mean Anything

2009-11-21T13:52:00.004+08:00

If I told you things I did before
Told you how I used to be
Would you go along with someone like me?
If you knew my story word for word
Had all of my history
Would you go along with someone like me?
I did before and had my share
It didn't lead nowhere
I would go along with someone like you

- Peter, Bjorn and John - Young Folks

I made a little list of the words that turns me off and makes me wince twice. This is the most irrational instrument of torture ever because they're my everyday words and can't escape saying them. Then, they are words which captures the essence of pleasure just by reading or hearing them, because of the way you spell or pronounce them. Well, some of the words are just too adorable not to like (like booger and loofah)

Words I Hate :
Lame. Coin. Bangle. Ring. Necklace. Hole. Opal. Milk. Maybe. Bobbing. Revolutionary. Fleshy. Pimple. Navel. Whatever. Nurture. Nostril. Succulent. Bombarded.

Words I Like :
Alabaster. Contemplate. Lucid. Loofah. Montage. Unorthodox. Languid. Conspire. Umpteenth. Excursion. Metaphorically. Inexplicable. Booger. Oesophagus.

What are yours? :D

Another One of Those Days

2009-11-20T14:40:00.011+08:00

And even as I wander,
I'm keeping you in sight.
You're a candle in the window,
On a cold, dark winter's night.
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might
And I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.
It's time to bring this ship into the shore,
And throw away the oars, forever.

- Can't Fight This Feeling, Reo Speedwagon

It was 10am. The alarm rang and I reluctantly got up and went to shut that awful sound which typical alarm clocks make. I thought to myself, "5 more minutes dammit!". The next thing I know, I was woken up by the sound of my brother's toilet door opening. It was around 12.30pm. I went downstairs groggily and switched on the TV to watch half an hour of CSI:NY and continued watching Cyril, Simply Magic (I think he's great and kinda good-looking) while waiting for brother to buy something for lunch. I'm an official bum now. Too lazy to do anything except sit and look at something which includes the telly, computer, and books. Some of my classmates are still at school, those who has the initiative to go to school in the first place considering how today's the official last day of school.

I logged into Facebook, curious of what's happening there. I was bombarded with so many notifications, all 101 of them. I never knew I was supposed to check the notifications, because all these while, what I do is ignore them. I didn't know what it is for anyway! Yesterday, while all of us were at Kun Huat's mansion of a house, Kristal told me I was supposed to check each one off -__- It's such a turn off. Such a job. It's not just with Facebook, see. It's with everything. You have to keep up to date with everything that it gets tiring and tedious with time.

It's like, when I was myself six years ago, I would be so agitated and interested with celebrity news and gossip. I would religiously buy tabloid magazines every fortnight to get my good dose of celebrity updates. I just wanted to know about them. Well, I stopped buying them when I was 13 because I find no point in them anymore. Why would I want to know what's happening in other people's lives when it doesn't affect me? They're just people, except everybody knows who they are. I still find pleasure when someone tells me something revealing about celebrities but other than that, I'll just leave them be.

I read in a book once, which says, when you're in the know, you just know. Getting in the know is easy but to continue knowing is such an effort. I thought of uploading the pictures in Facebook for yesterday and for the class party the day before but I just snapped. What the hell. I can just do it here, like it or not. Social networking can be remote and alien when I think about it, it's so complicated for days like these. I'm not sure if generally, blogging is considered as social networking. I don't think it is, because it's personal except if you blog for popularity and readers and such. Then, it's no more than mere social networking.

I'm replaying the song over and over again because I love this song and can't believe I forgot about it. I'll bet that there's hundreds (no kidding) oldies of which I've chucked away at a corner in my mind. I'm just glad that my parents introduce oldies (though for them, it's not called oldies) ever since I was born because it plays such a big chunk of a part in music. I love the line, "You're a candle in the window, on a cold, dark winter's night".

Some of the pictures from Kun's 16th yesterday :

Here with Kristal and Teddy.

Aziz should instill some man in himself!

Birthday guy and I.

Kun's sister, Ze. She was so cool, instantly liked her. Had so much fun talking when we were at the Padini Concept Store :)

Went to Kun's ginormous house and played Rock Band!

Self-timer failures.

Shaun, the Big Butt and I :P

With Kristal whom I love because she's awesome like that :D

My secret weapon and talent!

Okay, I think the reason why I'm all moody is because I just woke up and this is the usual me, or because I'm dehydrated or because I haven't gotten my coffee yet. So off I go. Come to think of it, I'd better upload the pictures in Facebook after all :)

Once Upon A Time, There Were A Lot of Words

2009-11-18T21:07:00.000+08:00

Take a gun, and count to three
I’m sweating now, moving slow
No time to think, my turn to go
And you can see my heart beating
You can see it through my chest
And I’m terrified but I’m not leaving
Know that I must must pass this test
So just pull the trigger

- Russian Roulette, Rihanna

- I have so much to say, so many mixed feelings and emotions pending to convey itself. I am jaded. I feel jaded. I am worn out, without a cause. I feel like I'm on an imaginary emotional roller coaster because it feels like I'm the only one who is noticing the constant spur of varied moods that is in myself. There may only be one reason for why I'm feeling what I am now : The year's ending! Today's the last day of school. Well, technically - this coming Friday's the last day of school but we declared that today would be a better day to end the school term. We are conspiratorial like that. Every year, I feel like I'm revisiting this old movie which replays by itself once it's got its cue. It's the same, sad, excited feeling. Sad because school's ended, excited because holiday's a-knocking!

My friends and classmates are always there, constantly orbiting around my universe - like a family. I just love them (except the one who's soggy and wet). I love school along with the teachers, it's my proven security blanket. Like what I told Garett, happy moments pass quickly because if it stays for a long while or happens too frequently, we wouldn't treasure it like we do now. I guess this is why this year feels so short :(

I can't post all of it (I'm lazy) so here's some of the pictures from today :

I'm a self declared pig!

Lyn, one of my favorite person in the world :)

Practising gluttony with the chili barbecue sauce.

Speechless.

Acting cute..

Some of us, with our favorite Math teacher, Mr.Harmizee who promised us he'll meet us in a mamak somewhere someday.

Something from us to Ms.Roy, our History teacher. I wonder if she gave some to "Anyone" or did she gobble the whole thing up herself!

Teddy and I, with Pizza Carrying Lady behind.

How heavy can it be?!

His quirkly pizza face.

Lovable Teddy and I

Awesome Liza and I

Mark and Ghia. This is too adorable to not post up!

Dan's ingenious idea :D

Notice how *everybody* is doing different things altogether!

- Our Biology teacher Mr.Ganesh, all 6 feet of him, was discussing with us about 2012 today. He told us about the possibilities and all that. I suppose, you can't run out of fate's hands. We're all destined to die one day, it's just a matter of time. There's no defying death, especially seeing what we're doing to the environment. I think some people are rather... paranoid about this whole apocalypse thing because I was seating in my usual seat in the bus and wham bam, I was greeted with this :

2012, death is coming closer.

The person who wrote this needs to chill.

I'm Seeing Seven

2009-11-17T14:39:00.002+08:00

I love the way she fills her clothes
She looks just like them girls in Vogue
I love the way she plays it cool
I think that she is beautiful
I love the way she bites her lip
I love the way she shakes them hips
I love the way she makes me drool
I think that she is beautiful
She's so lovely
She's so lovely

- She's So Lovely, Scouting For Girls

7 Known Things About You

1. I use a lot of moisturizer.
2. I like to be clean and neat, preferably always.
3. My favourite question is, "Are there any cute guys?"
4. I hate touching or seeing coins, or anything that is smelly and rusty.
5. I comb my hair or fuss with it every 5 minutes.
6. It's super, super hard to wake me up. You must summon an earthquake to accomplish the said task.
7. I giggle.

7 Lesser Known Things About You

1. I like muscle aches and pains.
2. I like to sit on the toilet seat and read.
3. I wear two different socks in my room. One for the bed, and one outside of the bed.
4. Hate any seaweed and strawberry-flavored food.
5. I hide my mugs and plates in my sock drawer...
6. I tend to overreact to petty things.
7. I scrutinize at every person's tone and words, to decipher what they're really thinking and intentions.

7 Wishes

1. I wish that I have a treadmill at home.
2. I wish that the unfortunate old people in the old folks home can live better.
3. I wish that I'll have more outfits and dresses and books in the future (so materialistic)
4. I wish that the world would be spared from vile kidnappers, pedophiles, and greedy businessmen.
5. I wish that I can be nocturnal and not ruin my health of my skin.
6. I wish that I can spend a day and night in the airport because I love airports.
7. I wish that I can spend a day (or eternity) with Paul Wesley (or Ben Barnes) to know his real self.
8. I wish that Google can follow me wherever I go.

7 Things You Like About Yourself

1. My height.
2. My flexibility.
3. How I love drinking 100% natural orange juice.
4. My neatness and fussiness.
5. My natural flair.
6. How I smile most of the time.
7. My taste in life.

7 Things You Don't Like About Yourself

1. My figure!
2. How ill-informed I am about the world and its common knowledge.
3. The fact that I don't mind being ill-informed...
4. I can be my snobbiest, proudest, most judgmental self sometimes.
5. My poor memory and occasional memory lapse.
6. How I must listen to music everywhere I am... in my room, right now, while exercising, while showering, in the bus, in school, while talking to people, in the car.
7. How self-conscious I am.

7 Things On Your Mind Right Now

1. I didn't go to school today because I didn't wake up. I promised I would.
2. I'm an Internet junkie.
3. I met a cute badminton coach while I was playing squash.
4. I'm eating bland/horrible-tasting oatmeal for breakfast everyday.
5. I gravely, solemnly and seriously need a monthly allowance which will mostly be used for books and clothes.
6. Listening to Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart.
7. When will Lady Gaga's The Fame Monster be out?

7 Things You Hate When...

1. Cynics accuse me of something which they think is true but isn't because they think the worst of people and matters.
2. I lose something or when I can't find something.
3. I am rushed.
4. I get headaches.
5. That time of the month comes.
6. People sigh and complain directly at your face, being all self-pitiful.
7. I smell that wave of stinky air left by equally stinky and sweaty boys.

7 Things You Hope To Accomplish Soon

1. Stop blogging so much!!
2. Start revising for this year's syllabus, so I wouldn't be road-kill material next year.
3. Watch all the movies I plan.
4. Complete exercising plan.
5. Actually start the exercise plan first.
6. Pester and badger till I get another bookshelf.
7. Finish Phillip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy because it's so good.

I have 8 wishes instead of 7 because I'm greedy like that :)

I Need To Buy Books

2009-11-14T14:20:00.007+08:00

If you're still alive
My regrets are few
If my life is mine
What shouldn't I do?
I get wherever I'm going
I get whatever I need
While my bloods still flowing
And my heart still beats...
Beating like a hammer

- Help I'm Alive, Metric

I'm currently sipping slowly from a mug of coffee, with the wind quietly and softly blowing in. This languidness is such a contrast to the fast-paced, early-bird-gets-the-worm mentality the Vietnamese have. I posted about my trip to Ho Chi Minh here sometime ago, but it wasn't complete so I unpublished it. It's completed now :

When my Mum first told me about this out of the blue trip to Vietnam, the immediate things which came to cloud my mind were : straw hats, dirt and mud, vegetables and more dirt and mud. Okay, I realized I'm having a demeaning perception (for me, what could be more degrading that being linked to dirt and mud?!) of this country before actually seeing the place myself. I wasn't ecstatic, after all - this is not Paris or Cannes so it's not something which I would lose my head over, but I didn't push it away either.

The second thing which I always think about when someone announces that I'm supposed to be "going somewhere" is, what to wear?! I underestimated the degree of the country's humidity, but I did give a good thought about lodging all my "breathable" clothes along. After all, I ain't going to North Pole or somewhere remotely close to the North Pole. The huge dilemma was, I have no fucking breathable clothes!

Healthy sandwiches I like :)

I thought my pupils and ears were being split into halves because all I hear were noises and honks from vehicles and all I see were motorcycles rushing by. I was given the impression that maybe (just maybe) all the drivers are temporarily brainwashed because I look at them and it seems that they have only one goal when they drive : To arrive at the destination irregardless. They're eyes are impossibly intent and focused, their faces itching with hidden impatience. Drivers honk every fucking 5 seconds.

If I'm a Vietnamese, I would create a petition, petitioning against the extreme lack of traffic lights. Pedestrians cross the roads, as if they do not heed the oncoming vehicle. Well, to be honest, after numerous attempts of crossing their traffic, I think I'm a master and a righteously acclaimed professional in crossing roads.

There are absolutely no mountains here.

The stuffiest and most crowded market I've ever been to, Ben Thanh market. Good bargains though.

Friendly locals :

A whole day tour around Ho Chin Minh and Mekong Delta. Pictures for your scrolling pleasure! :

Me and the greatest person in the world.

Entering unknown territory!

On one of those traditional, wooden motorboats.

To the swamps!

Wtf..

The authentic Vietnam experience : wooden boat rides!

With goofy Dad behind ;D

The next day, we had a half-day tour around the city. Scrolling time :

At the Presidential Palace, a place with absolutely no air-conditioning, leaving us damp and humidified.

Kids, no matter what part of the world you're in or what race you are, are always the same, aren't they? Skipping and running in the drizzling rain, without a care for the world.

Carving intricately with colored egg shells.

The beautiful Notre Dame cathedral :

Wtf, it was raining by now and we have no umbrellas.

The Post Office was smack on the right side of the cathedral. This is one swanky post office.

It's a sin to forget raving about the food. Here's some of them awesome food :

Pho Hoa (noodle soup). Michelle loves it as well :) I would love, love, love to have a bowl of that again! It just ain't the same here.

Spring rolls that kill.

Knowing their dependency and love for rice, they have this other kind of rice called broken rice. It is a wonder for me, the broken rice are very fine, broken into almost perfect halves.

I drank my first vegetable drink.

What they love there.

You have not lived until you drink Vietnamese coffee. It's heaven in a glass.

I feel like I eat fried rice everywhere.

They take their fish very seriously.

They have road side stalls everywhere, with quaint little chairs. Seems like everyone goes there. The hygiene level is not exactly high, so we didn't eat there. I didn't get to sit on one of the cute little chairs!

They have beautiful, green, New York Central Park-like parks in every corner of the city, something which I think our country should learn to have.

A proud urbanite. Ho Chin Minh is such a complicated city with erratic and unpredictable weather, you'll soon love it. Another wonderful thing about Ho Chin Minh is that they have so many hot Caucasian backpackers!

The Still Sad World

2009-11-13T18:16:00.016+08:00

So what if it hurts me
So what if I break down
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don’t care about other pain in front of me
Cause I’m just tryna be happy, yeah
Just wanna be happy, yeah

- Happy, Leona Lewis

I've never actually thought that this day would come. I've always been constantly pessimistic about results in exams, because if it is that bad, I wouldn't get heartbroken when the results are not what I hoped for. Hence, no shattered hopes. I've always imagined how it would be like. To fail. To really fail. How it would be like to get an E or F or G. I thought I wouldn't be able to take it, I'll have a series of heart palpitations and will just die. But, no. That's not the case. When I found out I got an G (38 marks) for my Physics paper today. It sounds weird to have a G as your grade. I was merely disappointed. There were no tears. Probably because I've shed enough tears on the day I took the paper and realize I can't answer much of the questions. There were no Apocalypse-worthy drama. So, this is what it feels like when you're dropped with the FAILED bomb. It's pure, unadulterated disappointment. I slept for a while after that "ordeal", while sneakily listening to sad, depressing songs. I woke up, finding myself fine.

I've had many "maybes" throughout the years where I know I'm going fail, but didn't. It's usually for Math, which is before I had Biology, Chemistry and Physics as an additional baggage. This one time, I thought - maybe I can get away with this, maybe what I crapped in the paper worked. No such luck for me. I can't say I'm sad or scared or alone. I'm not sad because I knew this was coming and I programmed myself not to be too worked up over it. I'm not scared because I know I'll get Physics worked out eventually. I'm not alone either, because my teacher told me I'm not. At least, I still have ten other people accompanying me down the abyss, this dangerous, bottomless chasm.

Miss Paulina told me that it's perfectly fine to not do well in Physics when you're in Senior Four because it's an introduction. Usually, we will catch up in time. And, you need to fail once or twice, sometimes. Lyn said the exact same thing. I really hope she's right because "in time" has such a broad and inaccurate meaning. It can mean a month, 10 months or a year or perhaps, never. So, this is what it feels like to fail. It's such an empty feeling. I'm having this cluttered and tangled feeling where I'm not sure if I'm really sad or not. Had I finally reached the seemingly impossible point where I know it's okay to fail? That, failing is a rite of passage? I've never failed before. I've never gotten a D before (I got a D for Moral... don't ask) This term's results have shitload of varied grades in it.

If you're wondering if my parents would be mad and fuming about this red ink I have on my Report Book, then no. They won't. I told them what to expect and they quietly accepted it. Even if I didn't inform them beforehand, they'll still take it easy. Because, my parents know I'll get it right eventually. And I will :)

Something which you cannot succeed in being oblivious to : I changed my blog template, yet again. The look is now - stripped down and simpler than ever because I'm using Blogger's template. The previous one was already simple with it's pink and whiteness, but this beats it. I think it looks pretty chic. It was a rather instinctive thing to do. You might not have noticed this, but I adore wide blogging spaces. I don't understand why others like small, extremely narrow blogging spaces. The whole point of it is for you and the public to read it (comfortably). I have a new commenting system. Personally, I think I can't live another day with Blogger's commenting system because it's tedious and it stinks. Disqus is one of the best commenting system there is out there but it doesn't have the "pop-up" feature, where it pops up into another window. Minor set back :)

The One I Call My Brother

2009-11-12T18:17:00.007+08:00

I want your drama
The touch of your hand
I want you leather studded kiss in the scene
And I want your love
Love-love-love, I want your love
Love-love-love, I want your love
You know that I want you
And you know that I need you
I want a bad,your bad romance

- Bad Romance, Lady Gaga

My brother is a defeatist. He might not agree with me, but he is. Yesterday, all night long - while I was trying to get some decent sleep in my room, I can overhear him talking about how he must cancel his Sunway Lagoon outing with his college friends because he didn't have transport. He couldn't use my Dad's car because Dad's going to Kuantan today. Dad gave him numerous suggestions and ways which he wouldn't agree to. He came into my room and told me about it, and I tried giving him an ingenious solution, which is rather simple - change the fucking date. It's an outing, for crying out loud, not someone's birthday. Why can't they reschedule? He is a serial complainer. He doesn't complain about practical things, but instead - about the most inane things. He leaves me speechless, sometimes.

Despite all these shortcomings, he is undoubtedly a good brother. I've said this a few times, and it's remains the truth. Before applying to college, he had a few months unoccupied. Spending your vacant hours in the house spells disaster, because you'll slowly rot into oblivion. He took a job, as a mobile phone dealer (I'm trying to make the job sound better) and I'm not saying that becoming one is bad. It is extremely bad for a person. I'd call my brother a good guy, because he is everything nice, except for the occasional bothersome habits teenage guys have. Theoretically, my brother can handle the darker side of the society because his high school friends were practically the embodiment of the dark side.

But, when you overexpose a guy who's been rather good all his life, it's very easy for him to succumb to it. His vocabulary in Cantonese got a lot better, even better than mine! He started cussing frequently, though not in front of us. It's true that the people involved in selling the hand phones are bad people. They're not exactly the best of influences. My brother got a new "lala" girlfriend, who broke his heart later. He got another (rebound) girlfriend, this one obsessed with him. All of his new friends are gangster-like. Amidst everything, he never smoked, never drank, never went to clubs, never did drugs. I wouldn't know, but we'll just have to take his word for it. A word of advise to guys.. or girls.. who wants to work in a mobile phone store : Don't go there. That's not your future.

He ran away from the house, when my Dad disapproved of his job and asked him to quit it. My Dad said temperamentally, "If you don't wanna quit the job, then don't come back!" My brother got really angry because he was stubborn like that, and called me on the phone, to pack his things for him, saying that he's going to stay in my older cousin's house. My Mum was paranoid, and my Dad was even more angry and they constantly fought... and it was similar to a Hokkien drama series (never watch Hokkien shows before, but I heard they're tres scandalous). Everything worked out, after enough bawling. I think I was the center of it all, the pH7 in the midst of the acidity and neutrality.

He's taking his A Levels now, in Law (and some other subjects). Sometimes I wonder why he wants to study Law, in the first place. He doesn't read, the only book I've seen him read is Enid Blyton. And, that was when he was really young, and only got to a quarter of the book. His command of English is just on par. But, he's really passionate about it. He still is, but what worries me and my Mum is that, he seemed so cool and laid-back, and his exams are now. He's everything we call kiasu, he doesn't like losing. He's a bit like me in that department. Except, when I lose, I cry. He just sulks around, sighing, and letting you know that he's not happy. What the fuck.

My brother loves my Mum, I can tell. Even Kristal can tell, after meeting him once. That's because, he's always talking with Mum when I don't feel like talking, especially in the car. He has countless of grandfather tales he can hammer out. They're very alike, smiley.. happy.. talkative.. and that's why they get along so well together. It's a warming sight to see. Speaking of him being talkative, I remember the first day of school. I was 7 and he was 9, and we sat in the bus together. He was very excited. I was very sleepy. He kept chattering away like there's no end to it, and finally - when I thought I couldn't take no more, I said, "Let's go sleep....." and we went to sleep together.

I remember this guy, Taufiq (if I remember correctly) he threw brother's bag down the bus because apparently, he sat on his seat. He said that he had a "bad day" and doesn't want any other disturbances. The indignant in me, felt like slapping him hard and telling him that his name is not on the seat. Even if I did, I would be reduced to a meek, demented Junior. But, brother just walked away to another seat. Everybody glared at the miserable fuck. What a douche. His sister, Shaheila forced him to apologize to my brother later. That is a fraction of our bus chronicles.

We played Gameboy together, I would often ask him for help when I couldn't get to the next level in Super Mario or if I couldn't find my way in Pokemon. He had a cheat/guide book for the Pokemon adventure game. Yes, there is such a thing. We played water guns together and when he wins, I cry. He taught me how to ride a bike for the first time. I kept falling and bruising myself but now I'm an ultimate professional in bike riding, okay! He chided me (teasingly) when I wouldn't go swim in the deeper pool although the depth is as frightening as a harmless kitten. It barely reached my mid-torso. Instead, I chose to swim in the kiddy pool instead -__-

He knew I wasn't afraid of the depth, but because there's a friggin' WHALE on the bottom of the pool. And the tiles which make up the whale is in a DARK BLUE color. I thought it was disgusting and dirty and maybe, rusty. Eventually, I went in and he told me I can just not step on the whale. Oh, he's horrible in badminton, because he's terribly uncoordinated when it comes to rackets. Doesn't help if you're left handed too. He's good in football, though. He occasionally barges in my room to tell me about his dilemmas and more grandfather tales.

We used to watch Playhouse Disney together, although he favors Cartoon Network. He doesn't watch the telly much anymore, like me. When we were young, we made a tent after watching PB & J with his blanket and some kitchen chairs and we ate lunch under it. Our favorite Playhouse Disney cartoon was Rollie Pollie Ollie. He knows exactly how I like my chicken rice to be too! Yesterday he bought it, with a combination of "siew yuk" and "char siew". He scoops cauliflower and baby corns for me when Dad orders the Claypot Tofu.

His greatest pet peeve is he cuts his nails in the living room and in front of the computer!! Cue in the disgusted noises He is also, very bad in the dancing mat. How can a person be bad in a dancing mat? He can. Kids instinctively flock to him, even if he's a stranger to them. He's good with children, something which I have yet to understand. Maybe because he doesn't have the urge to squash them, like I do.

In the middle of the year, I had a crush on Staircase, and he knew about it. Of course, I was very infatuated for no reason at all. He didn't agree to it. He said what I should've realized at first, which is, he is a dick and he's a lonely, desperate loser who doesn't have guts at all. He said, "If he wants to come near to you, ask him to come see me first!" and he stalks off in a huff. I am speechless, once again.

My Mum once told us this, "If both your Mum and Dad are gone, you have no one to rely on except for your brother. Because you're family."

Say I'm cuter! :)

A Dosh of Intensity

2009-11-10T19:20:00.011+08:00

Not ready to let go
Cause then I'd never know
What I could be missing
But I’m missing way too much
So when do I give up what I’ve been wishing for
I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna to fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?

- Down, Jason Walker

Once again, I'm coming up with a list of the latest and greatest (or crappiest) movies we should all watch. Like the last time. Well, truth be told, I haven't watched all of the movies from that list yet. Not even half of them, because it takes eons for them to arrive here. I've watched 4 of the eleven movies I've listed.

It may not seem like a wise choice to make another list, because I've got my hands full trying to watch them all, but who cares? Summer is over, and here's what's to expect. One thing I've noticed is that most of the movies are very engaging and bleak. In layman terms, deadly serious. It's not as light as the ones before, probably because a lot of the upcoming movies are action, adventure and thriller movies.

Major setback being in Asia other than the occasional concert postponings and cancellations.. Most of the movies are set to be released in 2010, meaning, it'll be ages before we'll get to watch them.

1. New Moon

Everyone knows what New Moon is about. The hype alone is enough to suffocate a person. It is undeniably exciting to anticipate this to see if they took it to the next level :)

This is the longest, current trailer I can find, by the way.

2. A Christmas Carol

It's Jim Carrey as Scrooge. Does anybody not know what Charles Dickens' timeless tale is about? Just for the kick of it, it's about old miser who must face the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future. Robert Zemeckis is behind this which means it's gonna pwn you. WaiYip doesn't know who Scrooge is -__- Goodness, he is so deprived...

3. The Road

I used to have a childhood crush on Viggo Mortensen because I thought he was extremely ruggedly handsome. I haven't seen him act in a long while and here he is, delivering in an award-winning performance, I heard. This movie is about a post-apocalyptic tale of a man and his son trying to survive by any means possible. Charlize Theron is in it too and I am putting this on top of my list.

4. Fame

This is a remake of the original Oscar®-winning hit film, Fame which follows a talented group of dancers, singers, actors, and artists at the New York City High School of Performing Arts. They'll learn what's necessary to achieve what they want most, fame, while dealing with their own sets of issues. I took a peek at the soundtrack and it sounds awesome. I don't care if the critics said it was a let down, this is a must-watch because hell, everybody loves inspirational musicals!

5. Prince of Persia

Originally a video game, it's being made into an action and adventure movie now. I couldn't be more ecstatic about it because it has Jake Gyllenhaal in it and the trailer looks impressive. I have no idea what it is about except from what I learned from the trailer which is : there's a dagger used to turn back the sands of time and evil wants it. Sounds average and common but watch the trailer or Google the storyline!!

6. The Box

I'm a huge Cameron Diaz supporter, and I'm glad she's finally made a thriller because she's usually the romantic comedy type. The whole story of this movie is about how a couple receives an anonymous gift. It is a simple wooden box, that has a button in it. At the press of the button, they will receive $1 million dollars but someone somewhere in the world they don't know, will die. What an intriguing idea... What would you do? I know what I'll do.

7. Me and Orson Welles

Orson Welles is one of the best American film director, writer, actor and producer. This movie is about how a teenager (Zac Efron) is cast in the Mercury Theatre production of "Julius Caesar" directed by a young Orson Welles in 1937. They say that this movie is a lovely, charming portrayal of Orson. I have no idea who Orson is up untill now, I'm guessing many don't either. The critics also say that it is possibly the best movie about theatre ever made. Zac Efron has talents, after all.

8. Salt

Honestly, it's been such a long time since Angelina Jolie has come up with a movie. I almost forgot that she is an actress. The movie is about Evelyn Salt (Angelina Jolie) is a CIA officer and she is accused by a defector of being a Russian spy. Salt goes on the run to clear her name. She must use all of her skills and years of experience to elude capture or the world's most powerful forces will erase any trace of her existence. I watched the thriller and it looks good :)

9. Princess and the Frog

This movie has a twist on the traditional Frog Prince tale that takes place in New Orlean's French Quarter. I think it must be an awesome remake (it looks and sounds like it) and I'm happy that Disney finally produced a worthy 2D animated movie. Frankly, Disney should stick to 2D.

10. Percy Jackson and The Olympians : The Lightning Thief

More and more movies are based on best selling novels, I noticed. This movie which based on a best selling children's novel is about a young boy who discovers he's the descendant of a Greek god and sets out on an adventure to settle an on-going battle between the gods. I've always been interested in Greek mythology and its history so this is a must watch for me! I think it's going be epic. The actor who acts as Percy Jackson is really good-looking :)

11. Valentine's Day

A miracle of all miracles happened, I found a romantic comedy in the midst of all the adrenaline overwhelming movies! From the director of Pretty Woman, comes this movie about how the lives of ten people in Los Angeles intersect on Valentine's Day. This movie has a full blown STAR STUDDED cast. It has Anne Hathaway, Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Garner, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Julia Roberts, Jamie Foxx, Patrick Dempsey, Emma Roberts, Ashton Kutcher... It reminds me of He's Just Not That Into You. Critics say that packing "big names" into a movie doesn't necessarily work, but I say to hell with it.

Happy watching (and waiting in agony), everybody. Au revoir, my lovelies :)

I Want A Monthly Allowance

2009-11-09T18:21:00.012+08:00

All those plans that I made for myself
I've got nobody else to lean on
Gone so far with my head in the clouds
Now it's time to come down and be gone
Downtown Saturday
In a better way
Than I ever was before
Don't need anyone
Standing in my sun
Don't need that anymore

- Find My Way, The Gabe Dixon Band.

I bought my first romance novel when I was 12, without realizing it contained streaks of romance in it. It was called Seven Tears Into The Sea by Terri Farley and the book is currently sitting idly in my bookshelf. If there is one thing I remember most about the book is how I asked Li Teng who has the book, what the book was about besides it being a story about fantasies and myths. Li Teng said something about how boring it is because it was about romance but she has to finish it because she has a principle of finishing books when she starts reading one.

I didn't want to finish the book because it was awfully descriptive and I didn't give a damn about fictional romance when real life is tangible and waiting. The only sane explanation I can come up with is that my imagination and mind wasn't as clouded with romantic fantasies as it is now. I wonder what happened through the course of these 4 years.

I stopped reading the book eventually because I couldn't take no more. I picked it up again a year later because Li Teng's principle about having to finish a book has always been nagging me inside. I started reading it again, expecting no significant difference in it. What I unwillingly realized was that I had a whole new perspective for the book after finding myself halfway through it. I wanted to know if Jesse (the male character) ends up with Gwen (the female character). I wanted Jesse to do something or anything romantic with Gwen.

Yesterday I was looking at my bookshelf for the umpteenth time, something I do when I can't sleep. I ran through the slightly yellowed pages and noticed that the book was not awfully descriptive or long-winded at all. It was what a good fantasy book should be, a good amount of exposition and illumination. I thought I loathed it, but I ended up loving it. How contradictory can a person be? This, unfortunately, cannot be said when it comes to liking someone. You either click or don't.

On another note, I found my favorite song of all time! Or, at least - it ought to be my favorite song! It's called Find My Way by The Gabe Dixon Band. It's featured as the smashing opening song in The Proposal. I read the genre and it says "indie" and I couldn't laugh any louder because whoever who labeled them "indie" clearly doesn't have a lucid mind, or have not heard indie music before. I remember telling someone that indie music gives me headaches (though a fraction of them are worth listening to) and the person said a-matter-of-factly, "Indian music? No wonder. I hate it too, it's just so disgusting." What is the world coming to?! I get very worked up when it comes to misunderstandings.

I'd like to think that The Gabe Dixon Band are more towards old school rock, like the Jets. I started singing the song every morning because it's damn uplifting. The opening of the song is jovial enough to serve as your Red Bull for the day.

See, I shit you not.

Scared I Am

2009-11-06T18:21:00.024+08:00

Tell me, tell me whatcha said (said)
I really need you in my life
Cuz things ain't right
Cause when the roof cave in
and the truth came out
I just didn't know what to do
But when I become a star
we'll be living so large
I'll do anything for you

- Whatcha Say, Jason Derulo

To be honest, I'm not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed. I tactfully admit that I'm not the moon in the sky, I'm just one of the stars. I'm not awfully fearless because I'm not Joan of Arc, I don't have an imaginary armor, shielding me from life's great misery. I get daunted easily, from... the darkness of my room where I can't see anything because I thought I might suddenly be blind, but then I see the small, green blip from the air-conditioner and know I'm a-okay... to walking down the quiet street of my housing area, unguarded.

I'm scared for the people who are careless enough to not give a second thought to what they're doing. They appear to be nonchalant and heedless because they are confident that they are safe but every swamp has its crocodiles. I'm scared for them. I'm scared that they might end up falling and breaking their necks. Who knows? A spilt second is just what we need to change everything.

I'm scared about the future. Seeing the rehearsal for the Senior 5's Graduation Day today brought this strange, frightening feeling. I said this for the umpteenth time but I will say it again. I can't believe it's been a year already, and thinking about next year is very, very daunting. I'll be sitting for SPM next year. I'm scared about the stress that is bound to envelope me.

How much can I take before my head turns into dust? Trust me, you don't want to see that day coming. I'm scared I'll be leaving the security blankets which school had always provided for me. I have no doubt I'll be able to survive (and survive fashionably, I will) but it's a big change. It's the falling down the cliff into oblivion theory again.

I'm scared that I would stay like this forever. I don't want to be. Nobody wants to be stagnant. I want to be taller than my current 171cm frame, to be thinner than what I already am, to be more... in tune with the world. Yet, there is a part of me which doesn't wanna give it all way. I can sense all the changes in me. I can't sleep later than 11pm because I will feel very drowsy, I can't wake up later than 11am, either. I don't eat sweets anymore and I don't like sugar. I don't watch Disney as frequently and I don't give a shit about all the useless celebrity crap.

Oh, I don't watch a lot of telly, except for National Geographic, Discovery and History Channel, AXN, AFC and Hallmark. I sound so boring, watching all these boring channels, but it entertains me! What the fuck, right? I feel like things which were worldly to me, now seem like a grain of sand. I grumble about people's immaturity too, when I'm only fucking sixteen! Wait, I started swearing openly also. You might notice that I'm using a lot of "fuck", "hell" and "bitch" in my posts. It just comes naturally.

Among all these new idiosyncrasies which I now have, I still have my same habits. I'm still the slowest in my family when it comes to preparing things (because they don't care about details and neatness), I'm still very obsessed with cute guys with broad shoulders, veins in their arms, an overall hot bod. I still drink juice from the carton sneakily. I'm still NOT a morning person, needing people to wake me up everyday. I still complain about needing to brush my teeth everyday and night. I still have my Hello Kitty with me.

I'm scared of what we are doing to the environment. I sound like a damn hypocrite saying this, because I'm typing this in a heavily air-conditioned room. But, hypocrisy aside, the consequences are worth being concerned about. I read this story written by a guy who is the same age as I am, and his story about the end of the world was so vivid, it was so graphic. I went harebrained for a moment and returned to my normal self. Frankly, I'm not scared at all. I'm just concerned and curious about what 2012 is going to be like. There's a possibility that it's something we conjured up ourselves and it has nothing to do with the Mayan's calendar. Armageddon... Judgement Day... or simply put, The End of the World.

The point is, I'm scared shitless sometimes. Not the entirely, sweat-provoking sort of scared which makes the ends of your hair stand. Just, excited, blank, plain scared. The kind of scared you get when you don't know what to expect. They say fear is what's keep us going, we need fear. Yet, fear is a weapon against ourselves. I must have gotten that out from some action-thriller movie. I have to live the moment to find out if that's true. I'm not Cerberus, a dog with many heads who guards the Gates of Hell. I don't have that aura of strength to scare the shit out of anything from attempting to reach me. Right now, I wanna forget all these fears which is eating up on me. All I wanna do is just to partay at Liza's 16th.

The Hello Kitty I was talking about :

When I was seven, I tried painting the left eye with black marker pen because the color was fading. Obviously it failed...

PS* I got a new diary where I write things I can't write here and I wrapped it with black sugar paper. How awesome is that?
I know, it's friggin' wicked.

All The Way There

2009-11-04T23:29:00.010+08:00

I am here still waiting
though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best,
like you've already figured out
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning

- Broken, Lifehouse

I miss Shan, my BFF. Getting even more envious now that you get the chance to gawk at models (and yet, you chose not to!!) and shop for lingerie at La Senza.

All the way from Dubai, Shan sent me this.

-__-"

I confess: fictional characters are very very appealing. I've been in love (still am!) with Darcy, Justin, Luke, Bishop, all of Judith McNaught's male characters and other fictional characters. I guess what she sent me is fitting. There is something very mysterious and they give you this strange, satisfying out-of-the-world feeling to you.

Currently even more fitting because I spend every single waking hour thinking about Stefan Salvatore in the Vampire Diaries (Paul Wesley). Ghia and her book, and Michelle and her post about the show did this to me! But, I don't regret it at all because this is who I think about:

I've decided that a picture of Paul Wesley sums it all up.
How infatuated I am over Stefan, and how happy I am because Paul is the actor for this amazing character.
He is undeniably mine :)

There's only one problem here. Stefan (or Paul), hardly smiles! Just looking and watching him, makes my lips ache because I want to see him smile a big toothy grin. I Googled, "Paul Wesley smiling" and "Does Paul Wesley smile?"... but alas, to no avail.

French Cleaning

2009-11-03T18:01:00.007+08:00

You came into my life
And I thought hey
You know, this could be something
'Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing
'Cause maybe it's true, that I can't live without you
Well maybe two is better than one

- Two Is Better Than One, Boys Like Girls ft. Taylor Swift

There are a lot of things which I want to write and rant about. After all, isn't this the age of sharing your business with others? Most of them are short thoughts and ideas, I thought I would and could continue them, but never did. I don't have a short attention span and I don't get distracted easily when it comes to something I like so I'm clueless as to why I've so many unfinished posts.

That is why I have so many short drafts lying around my blog which I've never posted. Besides having them in the blog, I have them in Notepad and Microsoft Word. I have SO many of them that my whole folder is just filled with that little Notepad and Word icon. I don't know what I'll do if Notepad wasn't invented.

All of the posts are from a different time, some very recent, some a lot of months back. I have to gather them up somehow so these are some of it :

Title:
Nothing In My Mind Except Dark Chocolate

Post:
I'm writing this in the middle of the night while having an inch-thick dark chocolate bar. Not telling you the brand because then you would find out my secret to late night happiness! I wanted to sleep at 9, but I couldn't pull myself away from the Internet. I start thinking of what eating this chocolate means. It means... getting fat. Wait, I'll tell you the brand. It's Patchi. Okay, now we're getting fat together!

Title:
I Hate My Dad

Post:
I HATE MY DAD. I HATE MY DAD AGAIN. WHY IS HE EVEN ALIVE? TO RUIN OUR LIVES EVEN MORE?! The evil bitch that he is.

Title:
Sushi Overload

Post:
My eating sushi yesterday in the car after the extra classes triggered this post. I'm not crazy about sushi but there's something about them. It's like, eating sushi grants you to the pathway of fame or gives you another topic to talk about with strangers, like liking vampires. You strike a good impression if you like vampires and can talk about Twilight all year long. Same goes to sushi, I suppose.

Title:
Further Under the Duvet

Post:
Marian Keyes is one of the best authors, in my opinion. Her books are always hilarious, witty and meaningful. I've read this book three times and recently I read it again. This book is a second volume (the first one was called Under The Duvet) of her journalism pieces, previously unpublished writing and several short stories.

Title:
Yo Yi Yun, My Love

Post:
I got my Whitney, My Love today! I wish I wish I wish that Judith McNaught's male characters would come to life and be by my side! I would be utterly and ecstatically happy forever!

Title:
Untitled

Post:
FUCK 3RD TERM! I GIVE UP. DON'T THINK I CARE.

Title:
In The Car

Post:
I clutched the History book tightly when I was in the car. It was like I was trying to absorb the contents into me. Maybe, just maybe, I thought. I got out of the car and... nothing. I didn't get anything. Shit.

Title:
Classmates and Fries

Post:
I think my friends and teachers doubt my intelligence. Probably because I refuse to take Add Math. But, it's my choice so, scoot off. I somewhat can't tolerate fuckers deriding other people's intelligence when they're even more fucked up themselves. Don't chide others unless you're fucking Einstein.

Ghosts of Spots Past

2009-11-01T22:04:00.011+08:00

I gotta take a little time
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it when Im colder
In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
Cant stop now, Ive traveled so far
To change this lonely life

- I Want To Know What Love Is, Mariah Carey

I have been putting off with writing this for quite some time. I was waiting for the right time, I wanted to make sure my words are accurate when I put them into these words, so that there wouldn't be room for doubt. But, what for? I should just go head first with this. The wind is here, and I'm throwing caution into it.

I've always wanted to write about this, and when I found out Garett made a blog post about Before and Afters with photoshopping, with me in it under the section of "Acne Breakouts"... it was the last straw for me. It made me realize how much I want to write about this.

I've never told anyone this. I've touched the surface of the topic, but never in detail because it is that sensitive to me.

Well, through the course of the PMR examinations period two years ago, I've developed occasional breakouts. Nothing serious, they're somewhat petty, and they would subside with time. During the holidays after PMR, I started going back to playing this online 2D game called Maple which I haven't touched for a few years. Obviously - considering my weak restraint agaisnt temptations, I soon fell into the Maple Obsession. I played that wretched game till 4 in the morning and wouldn't wake until 2 in the afternoon. I didn't realize that it would mess my hormones up, and would lead me to more breakouts.

I stopped cleansing my face, because I ran out of the products and was too lazy to even care to tell my Mum about it. I was under the perception that I can do whatever I want after the exams, including discarding my cleansing habit. Cleansing our faces everyday is the most important regime of all, especially if you've got combination or oily skin. I've got combination skin, so this spells doom for me. I cared about my skin, of course, but apparently - my severe lack of motivation trumps everything else. Before I know it, my skin got worse.

To say I'm self-conscious would be a correct thing to say. Having acne breakouts is not something that should happen to me. I couldn't help it. It's my hormones, it's in my genes. The problem grew increasingly difficult. The horrible thing is, they're all clustered up around my cheeks. Can it get more fucking visible? My forehead and chin were completely untarnished, except for occasional spots.

I think I should use the word "spots", because after this horrible phase, I cringe at the word "acne" and "zits". I don't tell anyone, but I'm extremely uncomfortable when people use those two words.

If you have naturally good skin, you wouldn't know what I'm talking about because you will never understand the feeling. That constant obsession about how tarnished your skin is, just because you have spots. You will feel so helpless, like what I felt. But, no, you will never get what I felt, because you have good skin. I suppose I'm not the only person in the world who had had somewhat severe spots before, there are people worse than me, I've seen the pictures.

My friends who have good skin, when they get spots, they complain about it. It gets even more laughable when the pimples they point out are hardly visible. What the fuck? They should be thankful that they don't have severe breakouts. If you think having a couple of spots on your face means agony and is the end of the world, then having a cluster of them, does that mean you should jump down the building? It's insulting and irritating to hear what they say sometimes. I'm sure they don't mean to insult or irritate anyone, they're just sharing their feelings, but really. What the hell is wrong with a few mild pimples on your forehead or chin?

This brings me to people who makes fun of people with breakouts. I wouldn't know if people had made fun of other people or me before. I wouldn't exactly give a shit, because they're ignorant. To them, it's a petty issue, one that they can make fun of. I don't understand what's so funny about this matter. I'm very sure if I had perfect skin, I wouldn't make fun of people who doesn't have perfect skin. Because, I know it links to their self-confidence. What people don't tell or don't show, doesn't mean they're not feeling it. I'm also very confused with the fact that they can condemn people if they have "oily foreheads" or whatever it is. This is what I heard. How can you say that?

I know it's seems like the same thing with calling a person fat, but you see - a person who is overweight, they can change it. It's either they don't give a damn, or they're just lazy or unmotivated to change their figures. But, for pimples? It's part of you, it's in you. Nobody wants their physical features to be affected by fucking acne! It's a thousand folds more wrong when you make fun of people's spots. The saddest truth of it all, is that my condition is self-inflicted. I was the one who slept late, woke up late. I was the one who abandoned the health of my skin.

People generally have no idea how fucking sensitive it is. I don't know about guys who have acne breakouts, I'm a girl and I judge myself based on how I look. A lot of girls do. This matter, it's very sensitive for me. When people talk about it, I'll avoid talking about it.

I detest people who are insenstitive enough to point it out to me about my skin's condition. Don't your thoughts cross your brain before it comes out from your mouth? Must you be so crudely ignorant? The people are... let me see. My relatives. Sometimes, I wonder what relatives are for. They're just there to point out what's different in you when they don't approve of you and smile insincerely when they secretly approve of you. I've never really had anyone pointing my skin condition to me before at school. Except, Yong Chang, Joshua and some teachers. I shouldn't put names in here, but urgh, sod off. Yong Chang would be like, screaming at me about my condition. Joshua would be his fucking annoying self and point it out to me.

I said once to Joshua, "Do you think I don't know?! Do you think I fucking not care about it?! Do you think I need YOU pointing it out to me? Do you think I like it?!"
After that, Shanan yelled at him to get the fuck off, and he scampered away.

Sometimes, if I get a MASSIVE spot, I'll whine about it to my friends and what they say is always, "DON'T TOUCH IT!" I don't want solutions. All I want them to do is listen. Shan and Lyn always make me feel better, because they're great like that. My confidence, I've come to realize, had plumetted during that period. As I'm writing this, I don't have pimples anymore, except the recent ones caused by the final exams. People might or might not have noticed. All I have now are scars, and they're healing.

I went to the skin specialist months and months ago, when my Mum realized all the so-called products are not working. I went through everything, ate my prescriptions, and this is me, right now. You can still see scars which may look like pimples.

This phase got to the point that I wouldn't look at people in the eyes because I'm afraid of how I look. I don't think anyone knew about this so what the hell. So, lemme just say that, don't be like me. Meaning, don't mess your hormones up. You'll need to pay literally thousand of medical dollars and it will indefinitely threathen your confidence. If you're having serious breakouts, just skip the useless products.

You might think I'm paranoid and obsessive, but I can't help it. This is not me being self-pitiful, because there is nothing piteous about this. It's just me being tired, to have to deal with this reality. Walk in my shoes, and you'll see it. All I wanna say is, this matter is not funny and not petty.

Pandorum Is Such A Crappy Movie

2009-11-01T01:56:00.014+08:00

Now, the dudes are lining up
But we kick em' to the curb
unless they look like Mick Jagger
I'm talking about
everybody getting crunk, crunk
Boys trying to touch my junk, junk
Gonna smack him
if he getting too drunk, drunk
Cause they hear we got swagger

- Tik Tok, Ke$ha.

I'm feeling a little peckish right now. I'd like something to munch on, but I suppose the healthier and wiser one in me strictly oppose that idea. I decided, to channel my thoughts from wheat biscuits to writing about my 2 nights sleepover at Shan's house!

Our source of 4am fuel for gossiping and laughing together (about and at people). We had a really groovy-cool-like lava lamp on! Fell asleep with carb-stuffed stomachs.

Next morning, went to Pavilion with Garett, Eliza, Dan and Eli.

Shan and I.

Liza and I.

Yours Truly with her signature pose.

Green vegetables alert. Everybody run!

Horrible greens.

Why do they like the horrible greens?!

The pout barely reaching.

Chronic poser. Unfair, I say. The mannequin was wearing 5-inches heels!

Walked to Sg.Wang, the most horrible place ever built...
Dreaded it, but went along with it. Dangerously exposed to the "lala" or Chineser disease!

Garett, Dan and I (who were the ones who couldn't stand that place) were joking about:

1. How they would poison us if we stop for a drink because they want our type to extinct.
2. How they would sabotage us if we used the elevator because they wanted to turn us over to their side.

The aftermath.
(Shanan is seen smiling gleefully because she's surprisingly okay!)

Effing the place with Freaky Yellow Digi Man.

Before Pandorum, the crappiest movie ever. The only thing which I liked was looking at Ben Foster. Should've watched Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs or Jennifer's Body or Michael Jackson's This Is It. So much of a missed opportunity.

Mine.

Grudgingly theirs.

So proud of Garett. He resisted the temptation!

While a lot of girls my age likes teenage fashion magazines, my favorite would be Harper's Bazaar. It's a tad mature and irrelevant for my age, but I covet high fashion and magazine publishing's glossiness! I'm deprived from Vogue, as my fashion bible because it's ridiculously expensive. Bazaar is pure, wholly unadulterated fashion.

Space eater, Garett.

They hated him because he looked like a drug addict :P

Forever 21 has the strictest security ever. They scan your bags, counts your items, and they disallow cameras!

Dinner at TGI's. Garett and I were so proud of ourselves :

Because I had salmon for lunch, whitefish for dinner. I was eating healthy, with my fiber and protein. Garett with his low-carb diet. We drank plain water!! (smiles gleefully)

Was supposed to go back that night. But I stayed over another night. We ended up falling asleep halfway through The Omen in the living room with our snacks. We went to the Old Folks' Home the next morning, which was a rather nice experience. Was supposed (again) to go home, but nobody's home to open the doors for me, so I went back to Shan's. We did a sort of photoshoot together, which I believe deserves a post of its own.

A few (lot) of things I borrowed from the Shanan before she goes off traveling all around the globe :

>A coupla books which I'm sure will last me through the holidays.

A LOT of DVD's from her amazing DVD collection which will probably last me through most of the holidays! Movies from the 90's to the most recent ones. Tell me you're jealous!

Shan, why do you pamper me so?

Because you're going away for nearly 2 months to roam around the world!!
Nobody will get to see you then.

Have a safe flight, love you :)

--------

Me: Oh my God, my toe fell off!
Shan: HUH?!!
Me: Oh, I meant, my toenail fell off.

Garett: ...my ankleeeees!
Eli: You have ankles?!!

Me: Ugly Betty somehow reminds me of someone... (thinks)
Garett: Shanan! The braces and nerdiness.
Me: Hahahaha. Just the braces, I think.
Shanan: HEY!!

Exams, You Can Kiss Me Arse !

2009-10-29T17:03:00.004+08:00

So baby don’t worry, you are my only,
You won’t be lonely, even if the sky is falling down,
You’ll be my only, no need to worry,
Baby are you down down down down down,
Dowwwnnnnn, Dowwnnnnn,
Baby are you down down down down down,
Downnnnn, Downnnnnn,
Even if the sky is falling down,

- Down, Jay Sean ft. Lil Wayne

I'm a hermit in my own room, eating and drinking and talking by myself.
During the second week of our finals, Mum came into my room while I was cramming Chemistry and sees these...

Mum : Cockroaches will come and invade your room, I tell you.

Me : Impossible.

She saw the leftover herbal jelly in my Tupperware bottle...

Mum : They will definitely come for this.

Me : Impossible. Cockroaches respect me. They won't attack me.

Mum : *ignores my reply* Why's your room so cold!

Me : Not cold, I can't feel anything because of the heat of studying.

Mum : *shakes head and walks off*

The above happens almost everyday, with me constantly drinking coffee and eating, leaving the mugs and plates after.

Finals are over! Freedom is right under my nose, can you see it? The release liberty brings. No more late nights, no more breakouts, no more zombifying myself, no more sleeping on the floor just so I can wake up. Oh, this reminds me, everybody should read the hilarious post Liza posted about the 5 reasons why she hates exams. I think it's hysterical that we're so prone to agonies when it comes to exams. Okay, no more talk about finals because what is done is done!

I don't think my room is about to impend to become a haven for cockroaches after all. Not because exams are over and I'm not a hermit anymore, but because cockroaches really do RESPECT me. But that's a tale that deserves another day to tell. Right now, you should see the wide-happy-arse-grin I'm refusing to rub off. With that, I'm heading to Shan's for our sleepover :) Life's good.

So long, sucker.

Jumping Jacks of Joy

2009-10-26T00:42:00.015+08:00

(Liverpool won. Ecstatic Dan suggested I put Liverpool's song here as a celebratory gesture!)

Walk on, through the wind
Walk on, through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed
And blown
Walk on, walk on
With hope, in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone

- Gerry And The Pacemakers - You'll Never Walk Alone

I'm thoroughly exposed to words. Not entirely, but thoroughly.

So, imagine how strange I felt when I saw this word : apostrophe.

I cocked my head to one side, furrow my brow and thought, "What the hell does this mean?", before I realize that it meant, apostrophe as in apostrophe. I know... this is strange. It's probably the most basic word next to "apple". I've heard it a lot of times in school and said it a lot in conversations but I have never ever ever seen the word spelled before.

Apostrophe. Apostrophe. Apostrophe. Apoooosssstroooopheee. Apostrophe!!!

Just in case, like me in the beginning, you can't figure out what APOSTROPHE is, it's this thing ('s). When you say it, it becomes like this : apostrophe S.

Only God knows how many times I've heard it from all my English teachers ever since I was seven. Since it's related to punctuations and punctuation is one of the Grammar topics in the syllabus, I've heard it practically all my life. My former or current English teacher would be so proud of me, yeah? I remember Ms.Rita.. my strictest, lovable, yet most fearsome teacher who have ever taught me during my years as a Junior.

How we would always say, "I tell Ms.Rita!" if one of our "enemies" did something wrong, and we would all be so scared, I think secretly some might even wee in their pants... or skirts. She would scare us with her scowl or make us laugh about anything at all. I'm actually having trouble typing the word, apostrophe. I keep backspacing on the keyboard because it's some sort of finger twister.

Then, after 3 years of teaching me, Ms.Lai became my English teacher. She taught me for a year. My favorite English day would be... Tuesday. Because that was the day where we have Literature, and gosh - I loved literature. It's so easy, and undemanding. All we have to do is to understand the story, read about the characters and memorize a few things, and you're guranteed an A. I also (secretly) liked it when she calls me up and ask me to read aloud. It's such fun, sometimes I would struggle with the pronunciation a bit but often times, it would be a calm, serene experience when the whole class is silent and you're the one doing the reading aloud. I don't really like it now... because I keep getting interrupted (ahem) or I just don't fancy it anymore.

Ms.Lim taught me the longest. She taught me when I was in Junior 5, taught me again during Senior 1 up to Senior 3. She would sometimes have her PMS days, and be a total bitch about homework and attitudes. I'm not the only who thinks this, I'm sure alotta you will agree with me!! When she's not being bitchy, she's really nice. She tells us her little stories about her life which I find intriguing. She also made me feel not too bad about my then handwriting because her handwriting was all crooked and weird. I don't think she's gonna read my blog, so lalalalala.

One of my Malay teachers, Puan Noraidah, commented once on my handwriting. She was jokingly teasing me, "Yi Yun, tengok tulisan kamu. Macam jongkang-jongket. Ada yang tinggi, ada yang rendah." (Yi Yun, look at your handwriting. It's like a see saw. They're all up and down) I looked at her, and smiled. Both of us burst out laughing later.

Remember this post? This. ... I said that I like hearing teachers scolding us and giving us long winded advice when in class. I also like hearing teachers talk about their life stories. Yes, I'm weird like that. Not because I'm kepoh or anything, but it's just nice to listen occasionally to adults who happens to be our teachers talk about themselves.

This is my blast to the past. Oh my God, how 70s can I get? "BLAST TO THE PAST". Sounds like a cheesy remake of a Sci-fi movie. Just after seeing a foreign-like word and this is what I came up with. It truly did stir such a melancholic feeling in me. It's late (by normal schooling standards) and I think I'm doing subconscious things to distract me from the impending doom that awaits me tomorrow and the rest of the week. My mind is turning into dust.

I might die of coffee overdose. I have a new zit on my chin. My doctor would be shaking his head right now at the sight of me, disapproving of my current lifestyle. Probably will be fussing at my current hormonal imbalance. I can't help it. This is the price I'm paying for being butt lazy.

(About the dying of coffee overdose thing... eh, God forbid because I'm saying it metaphorically because coffee will be my fuel this week to start my engines. Dad will come back and find all his Nescafe gone. Hahaha!)

Thyself

2009-10-23T18:37:00.007+08:00

Here I am face down, sometimes I smile or frown
But it depends on the time of the day
Here I go off the road, I spend cash on my clothes
When I still have bills to pay
My skin isn't clear
Haven't spoke in a year
Cuz I still have fear I'm tryin' to overcome
My truths aren't right
My jeans are too tight

- Flawz, Caitlin Crosby

Some people - my Mum and friends, I suppose - don't get why I need a mirror all the time. I borrow Shanan's Oreo Cookie and Kristal's Clarins' compact mirror in school, and place it on my table so I can check myself every few 15 minutes. I don't get it either but I do it anyway. It's not wrong... it may be queer, but it's not wrong either. Nor is it right. I'm sure it's not OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). A mirror brings security, period.

I don't think I can live (well) without a mirror. I know, life's too short to be spent worrying about apparent petty things. But, I'm sixteen and a long life is rightfully mine, irregardless. You know, something which is petty to you, might mean the world to somebody else. I don't fall in love with myself when I look in the mirror. I don't swoon or wolf-whistle, or compliment myself. Okay, maybe I do feel happy when I think I look decent. All I do is find what's wrong in me and try to correct it. Hair sticking out? Tame it back into place. My skirt's wrinkled all over? Smooth it out. Isn't that what mirrors are for?

I admit (really I do) when I look into the mirror, I use what I see in the mirror to reflect my self-worth for the day. I know it's not healthy for myself inwardly but I still do it. Because, a mirror is my tool. Tool to do what exactly... I don't really know. Saying that a mirror is my tool to look at myself does not bode well because it's much more than that. It's more of a prized possession. It's best that I have it but I won't die if I don't have it. This theory applies to Ben Barnes too, by the way.

Confession : whenever I'm about to look at the mirror, I get pretty scared, sometimes. Like, my apprearance would be too appalling or something. If it really does look appalling (usually it's my hair), then I would quickly and thunderously fix everything. If I like what I'm seeing, then all's well. This happens when I'm alone. Just me and the mirror. I would stand far back from the mirror to have a less zoomed in version of me. I like doing that, because it feels less vulnerable.

Other times which are often times, I get pretty tired. Tired of all this fixing, all this scrutinizing, all this physical factor which plays in my head all the time. I'm not as uptight as Victoria Beckham but I'm not carefree like hippies, either.

The other day, it was just my Mum and I. She said we should go eat Pan Mee, up the road about 5 minutes away from our home. Even if it's just dinner in my housing area, I have to look somewhat presentable. Overdressing and underdressing is something which I have yet to learn to balance. I didn't bother to care. I was tired, because of the strenuous exams.

I looked in the mirror and I was like, "Okay. Whatever." I thought to myself, I look normal. Nothing's wrong. So, I went there with my home clothes with my hair still slightly wet. I didn't look barbaric, of course. Mum didn't wanna drive because it was so near, she said we should walk instead since the weather was cloudy.

It was a good dinner - I think it would be one of those memorable moments where I will look back into, I'll never forget it because it was so comfortable... just me and my Mum. I never knew my housing area was so lively, because there we were, walking past the playground with all these little tiny kids running around and women chatting at the benches. Guys (I peered, and not really cute) playing football at the field. I saw the little kids and I told myself, I will do this with my daughter in the far far far future. Probably will tell her a thing or two about reflections and images of herself.

I think it's not much of a self-esteem thing. Maybe it is, but I'm not grossly disfigured, I don't have a body the size of China. I should be happy. I am. But, I doubt that I'm sufficiently happy. I wanna achieve that satisfaction, I don't know when or how I'm going to sated.

I told Lyn about the satisfaction thing, and she understood because she's been here (a different story, but same application).

I'll probably learn to not look into the mirror obsessively, scrutinizing at every flaw and detail. The funny thing is, I don't have a full length, gigantic mirror in my room. I have two mirrors in my room, both of them smaller than you can imagine. I don't want a big ass mirror around me when I'm sleeping!

Cleo Magazine once said something about if I scrutinize every flaw, it means I was criticized excessively when I was younger. The truth is, my family did continuously criticize me once upon a time. They used to say how I'm going to be fat one day, how gigantic I'm going to look, how horrible it is to be overweight. Hello, please, I know what they're talking about but I don't need to be hearing it every single fucking day.

I was very irritated with them, because what do they know? Then, as time wears by, the criticisms slowly faded away because I took it seriously. Now, they're telling me not to be so obsessed when they were the ones who friggin' nurtured me to be obsessed. I stopped listening to those shit a long time ago. Although, I don't think the criticisms play a big part in my (still mild) need for mirrors. I have this thing for tuning people out.

Let it be known that the reason I spot my flaws is because I want to be realistic and correct them, not because I wanna be perfect. My problem (if this is a problem) is more physical than anything. Since I said it's not about self-esteem, I think it's about how people look at me (physically). When people look at you, they immediately starts an opinion about you. Because, that's what I do and that's what people do. Awesome quote :

"People who don't matter mind, people who matter don't mind."

I'm sure I'm not the only one chained to mirrors as I can see that I'm not alone. I don't think it's a struggle, I'm not about to kill or cut myself just because I have this thing with mirrors. Emotional breakdowns never linger in me. It's not part of me. I wonder if I will be chained to the mirror forever. It is easy to tell me to look at myself inwardly, to embrace all that I have. It is not easy when you are the one doing it.

I think I just wrote the most honest, emotional, true-to-myself blog post ever. I wrote this, thinking that I would never post it but just thought I'd let it out here.

Silly & Careless Is My Last Name

2009-10-22T17:02:00.005+08:00

I LOST 12 MARKS !!!!!!
!@#$%^&*(*&^%$#$%^&*(*&^%#$%

Unbe-bloody-lievable.
In Math.
Do I look like a person who can afford to lose 12 marks in her Math paper? No!
This is what you get what you don't read the instructions.
I thought we're only supposed to answer 3 out of the 5 questions, just like my History paper.
But we're actually supposed to answer 4. I didn't answer one. Each question has 12 marks.

Well, someone has to take the shit. Apparently, it's me. So, friends, read the goddamned instructions in your paper next time.

I don't know what will that 12 marks cost me. All I know is it's alot. How?

Update : Hah, looks like I'm not the only one. Shanan forgot as well. I think yesterday was some sort of Besties' Get Doomed Day. And, we were chosen. I'm not worried now, it's over.

Can You Believe It?

2009-10-21T18:20:00.010+08:00

You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep
I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems

- Fireflies, Owl City

It's the second day of our 3rd term and I'm already feeling slightly sluggish, like death wound up - what's with the late nights I have to pull. Sometimes, I think we let ourselves study at the last minute because it's a drive. If we don't have that drive, we wouldn't know what to do because we're not hysterical enough to drag our arse to study. Lateness, it's like our own personal brand of imaginary heroin. I have this secret fear that if I study too early (like a month) before an exam, I would forget everything by the time the exam actually begins. I also think that if I study subject A first, by the time I'm done with subject B, I would've forgotten all about subject A. How do those who does it do it?!

I can't believe it's almost the end of October. Considering how quickly time is moving, I'll be in the deep, national exam hole next year. I've told myself for the umpteenth time that this year is absolutely not a "honeymoon" year, because I've got to get my "study base" strong, so I won't be overwrought next year. How well or poor I do next year is probably the golden ticket to my entire future. Well, ain't that some serious stuff. Where did all my time go?

If I'm my 7 year old self, I would probably blame gnomes for stealing time away from me.

I used to really hate evil gnomes. I think I still do. Not the kind-looking ones who would probably help you pick strawberries, like the above.

Surely, I've done more than I can remember... or not. There is something severely wrong about the pace of time. Am I that nonchalant when it comes to my attitude that I whisk past time without knowing it? They say it passes real quick when you're enjoying it but I'm pretty sure I don't enjoy every single friggin' minute of my life. Why is no one complaining or ranting about it?

I feel like such a whiner nowadays. I think I'm entitled to it because I feel like I'm all messed up. When you're messed up, mess people up with it.

1. My hair's not right.
2. My skin's sort of peeling off to rid off the scars.
3. Breakouts (haven't had any since seeing the doctor) caused by my hormonal imbalance, caused by my late nights, caused by the exam!
4. Room's all messy because of all the school books and I have to tidy it everyday to have a calm mind.
5. Tomorrow's MATHS. Everyone knows it's my biggest fear. And, I'm quite clueless with the back chapters.

I know, if I'm so worried about it, why aren't I studying?

Oh, cheese and crackers lah.

Pardon Me, I Need A Break From Studying

2009-10-18T18:05:00.016+08:00

Meet me halfway, right at the borderline
That's where I'm gonna wait, for you
I'll be looking out, night n'day
Took my heart to the limit
And this is where I'll stay
I can't go any further then this
I want you so bad it's my only wish

- Meet Me Halfway, Black Eyed Peas

Shanan says chivalry is dead. In fact - it never did existed.

Apparently, it's part fantasy, part imagination. While it might not be knocking on doors everyday, I think it exists. It had to. Or else, our world would be gravely unbalanced!

Besides, it's no use thinking it doesn't. Because, I demand it to exist.

I mean, we don't have knights anymore, right? Or do we? I'll Google it later. That's why it's so damn hard to find guys with knightly qualities. Meaning, guys with a gallant attitude, brave, honorable, ready to help the weak, and not afraid to show their love and affection.

They have to have the looks too, to complete the whole package.

How to find?! They're not exactly roaming around the streets, waving their muscled arms in the air, flashing their dashing smiles at you.

Maybe I don't see them anywhere because I'm still living in my small teenage protected bubble. Find me in 5 years time and I'll tell you if chivalrous men exist or not.

So, that is why Hollywood is here. To make inane fantasies alive on screen. I think all this while I've been lusting over men from the past because they're so... chivalrous. The evils of movies!

I realized this when I watched King Arthur a week ago when my Bro brought the DVD home. The movie was released in 2004, when I was 11 years old. I remembered watching it with my Mum because I remember asking her how to pronounce "Arthur" properly. I kept confusing "arthur" with "author". What? I wasn't exactly the creme de la creme with my language skills when I was younger.

This is the newspaper cut-out on my cupboard. Clive Owen!!!

What I also remember was how I cut the promotional poster off the newspaper and pasting it on my cupboard. I used to be obsessed with Clive Owen because he was King Arthur in the movie. But, I didn't know he was Clive Owen back then. I know, I'm boy crazy even back then!! Nothing wrong with that, look how wonderful I turned out :P

5 years doesn't seem that long when you say it aloud. In such a seemingly short period, so much have changed. I can name all the gorgeous male celebrities now! And, I've moved on from cut-outs from the newspaper to... cut-outs and posters from magazines.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I liked what I saw in the movie. But before I move on, lemme just say that while romantic comedies might be my favorite genre in movies, I love epic movies.

Epic movies with drama, romance, action with a dash of humor in it. Movies that will blow your socks off. Historical epic movies with battles in them... now, that's something.

Movies like Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Troy, Alexander, Gladiator, Joan of Arc and King Arthur. If you haven't watched any of these movies, you have not lived!

The point is, the people in these movies, they're all good people. How can you not fantasize about them? I think it's perfectly normal.

While I may get attracted to knights in shining armor, I also like adventurous men with their rugged exterior. I watch them and the movie, mind you. Adventure stories are something, aren't they?

Find the similarities :

Hugh Jackman in Australia.

Viggo Mortensen in Hidalgo.

I have only two examples because my lazy arse refuse to Google more. These are all part adventure stories. The male leads are all very chivalrous, tough and rugged. They're all very, very handsome :)

This is another black and white cut-out from the newspaper that I pasted on my cupboard.

I have a pattern when it comes to lusting after chivalrous men! Why do all of them look like they're in the mid-30's, look tough and slightly unshaven?

Linking chivalry to men in movies only proves one thing. Chivalry is fictional. Chivalry is not real. Chivalry is people's imagination. It cannot be. I refuse to accept it.

Oh no.

Now, you really have to find me in 5 years time. I'll tell you if it's real or not.

Attention : Should I Adopt The Name Caely?

2009-10-16T17:29:00.007+08:00

And they are all the same
They said,
'Oh, hey there, girl, tell me what do you do'
She said,
'Um, nothing, but I'm damn sure it's more than you'
That girl's a genius
Whoa oh oh oh oh oh
I think she's serious
Whoa oh oh oh oh oh oh

- She's A Genius, Jet

#1. I am in trouble. The 3rd term exam is 3 days away. My seat in the class is smack in the corner, beside the back door. I hate corners. The feng shui is not right.

#2. I find myself being extremely annoyed with the Dad every single waking hour. I find it painstaking to resist the temptation to say "SHUT THE FCK UP" to him. I have my reasons and the reasons are all reasonable.

#3. I started a diary a few days ago where I write my deepest feelings which I don't have the guts to write here. I'm using red ink! How me is that?

#4. I'm very relieved that my Mum went through the ovary surgery without a glitch because only who knows how dependent I am on her.

#5. I think I'm still banned from the computer....

#6. The two gigantic tubs of ice-cream taunts me every day and haunts me every night.

#7. I don't know what I'll do when I'm not schooling anymore. Next year's the last year of high school. Wait, I should think of the present!!

#8. Everyone, visit this :

Cekodok.com is a Malaysian food database, it's good to have some calorie know-how. Finally something I can use.

Click HERE to visit.

#9. I love my bed, the bed which I've been sleeping in since I was seven. All my Pooh & Friends stickers are still on it.

#10. I'm friggin' bringing a black card to paste on the back door's window, so I won't get a heat stroke. Hah, the innovativeness that is mine! Sigh, what to do? I'm being situated there, I have to make the best out of it.

Thank you :)

#11. I am NOT on the verge to being anorexic! I know better than that. Just because I eat less doesn't mean I'm starving myself.

This numbering thing is pretty awesome, saw how Michelle did it in her blog. How nifty is this?

Sleepless, Hopeless

2009-10-11T01:38:00.006+08:00

Our hearts are hungry for a food that wont come
We could make a feast from these crumbs
And we're all staring down the barrel of a gun
So, if your life flashed before you
What would you wish you would've done
Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
Gotta live like were dying

- Live Like We're Dying, Kris Allen

UPDATE : The DAD is coming back tonight as in October 12th, Monday's night! URGH.

If I'm not mistaken, G.I Joe opened here in Malaysia about two months ago and I remembered asking my Mum this, after the movie.

I don't understand. If they don't want evil in this world and people to misuse power, then why do they create all these weapons?! If you don't wanna die, then don't create things which can kill you lah."

My Mum yawns her answer to me (it was 2 in the morning), "Well, humans are greedy."

Asking that question might make me sound naive, like I've been living in a pea pod all my life. This much is obvious, I don't live in a pea pod and I'm not naive. I've read that the purpose of us living is to strive for the better.

How much better is our best?

Generally, what we have isn't enough. We have to have more. We just take everything, don't we? I think I do, in my own personal scale. It's not like I'm planning a nuclear war anytime soon.

The reason why there are weaponry wars is because we have to have more. I know, creating these advanced technological weapons are for defense purposes. I suppose it's impossible for all of us to not be greedy and defensive, to have a similar mentality towards peace and how to obtain it.

Basically, it's like an endless hole which we can never fill. All the consequences we suffer is of our doings, aren't they? You create that, it turns against you. Once it's done with you, it starts destroying other people. Sounds improbable and fictional but it can happen.

I don't believe humans are naturally evil. We're not born to do harmful things. I think it's what we create which drives us into this "I will get what I want, no matter what" mentality.

This all comes down to this logic, with greed comes power.

Isn't everybody putting power on the pedestal? Hell, they put themselves on the pedestal. Hah, usually the creator of these disastrous things have this reasoning that "they have it under control".

Really, are we all hopelessly greedy, always trying to grasp security which means power and money? I don't think I'll ever have a good night's sleep if I'm a billionaire, because my nights are spent being awake, worrying about how to manage the money I have. I don't think I'll ever have a good night's sleep as well, if I'm poor, because I'll be skimping on money for the rest of my life.

But, like what Captain Spock (loves) said in the Star Trek movie,

"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.”

The truth being, the kind of protection we are creating, it can harm us all in return. So, why create?

It's a girl's first Coach. I have my bragging rights :P

My Current Situation :

2009-10-10T12:53:00.011+08:00

We are not what you think we are
We are golden, we are golden.
We are not what you think we are
We are golden, we are golden.
Teenage dreams in a teenage circus
Running around like a clown on purpose

- (Teenagers) We Are Golden, Mika

... is dire and urgent.

I am being banned from the computer and that man hid the damn modem!

I spoke the goddamned truth and he didn't like it. So, I suppose to feel "in control", you have to unjustly ban someone from something.

He's out somewhere and my brother found another modem.
Basically, my existence in the realm of Internet had cease to exist. But, it's a fact that "being banned from the computer forever" is nonsense because Internet is a part of everyone's lives, whether you bloody well like it or not. I sound like a brat but my sensible self is refusing to acknowledge these unjust and insensible orders!

I watched Star Trek and I'd like to say this.

I AM IN LOVE WITH CAPTAIN SPOCK!

He is just so... magnetic and intelligent. I know, there's something severely wrong with his haircut, eyebrows and ears and he is practically emotionless, but I surprisingly don't care. I wish I have my own Spock.

GOOD NEWS!

I'm finally studying. I hope it's not too late :)

Appalled

2009-10-08T18:21:00.010+08:00

Well you are the one,
the one that lies close to me
Whisper's "Hello, I've missed you quite terribly"
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly
Now there's no place else
I could be but here in your arms

- Here in Your Arms, Hellogoodbye

I knew there are a lot of things which we, as students, don't know about our school but I didn't expect such scandalous things.

Of course, these rumours might be nothing more than mere gossip, but I've been hearing so many news about how our school works behind-the-scenes! I didn't know that they actually do (something) to teachers when there's a mistake. I think it's downright unfair with the way they manage issues.

Garett and I finally got to see our school's real office behind the office and it looks quite depressing. Smells good though, the air filled with coffee.

I've always thought teachers were usually righteous and saint-like. I never knew they were so distorted. The teachers I actually thought seem HARMLESS turns out to be doing the most harm to others!

A teacher told us, the Magazine committee, about what the management does to them when students make mistakes. It was so unfair, I didn't know what to say.

When Beliefs Become Too Strong

2009-10-06T20:51:00.007+08:00

In my shoes, just to see,
What it's like to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes,
Just to see what it'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine,
Go inside each other's minds
Just to see what we'd find,
Look at shit through each other's eyes

- Beautiful, Eminem

I read an Opinion article about how the writer feels about death and afterlife.

I’ve never been religious, in the fullest sense. I acknowledge my own religion, believe there’s a higher power above and never tried to ignore it but I suppose – I’ve never truly dwelled upon it. There are numerous doubts and uncertainties about faith which I think no one can answer, so I think it’s inappropriate to force it on a person because you yourself can't prove anything.

I think it makes sense to say that faith in God is some sort of security blanket. All of us want to look forward to good things, in life or in our afterlife. The idea is very pleasing when someone tells you that if you believe truly in God, you’ll go to Heaven where all the good and beautiful things are. If you don’t, you’ll go to Hell for it.

I believe in God, no matter how little, because I want security. I feel better knowing that there might be a higher power out there, which I can inadvertently turn to when in need of security which sometimes, our family and friends can’t give. Knowing that there may be hope for us is pretty awesome.

But, when this belief turns too strong and starts to take over our minds. People should never be too pious and become overly religious that it eats up our sensibility.

You know, when a person comes up to you and says,
“You’ll be damned!
You will if you don’t start believing!” (points finger at you)

Gee, spoil my day, much?

It is very wrong to go up to a person and starts throwing your belief in another person’s face. It is not so wrong to be religious. It’s just… distorted. I don’t think I’ll suffer in my afterlife just because I don’t believe in God. Mind you, I think afterlives have nothing to do with believing in God.

Don’t you think it’s absurd to say that just because you don’t have a religion or you don’t believe in a higher power, you’ll be damned for eternity? When I put it like this in a sentence, even I am gaping at the absurdity of it.

I would like to think of this as a choice. Just because you believe in something which I don’t, doesn’t make us enemies or evil.

I don’t know if our Universe’s creator is created by God himself or the Big Bang. I don’t know if there’s an afterlife, Heaven or Hell, or this thing called “eternal damnation”. No one knows, so it’s fitting that I don’t know.

The Big Bang theory does make sense to me, but who knows?

Things I Have To Do

2009-10-04T22:24:00.009+08:00

My blog is (very obviously) under some serious construction.

Also, congratulate me!
Because, I've finally figured out how to make a blog template!
(using another template's basecodes)

Things I have to do in the near future :

1. Make a big arse banner.
2. Make my Hall of Cute Guys horizontal and place them on the bottom of the blog.
3. Make swirly-leafy patterns to cascade around the sides of the blog.
4. GET EVERYTHING RIGHT AND PERFECT.

That sounds so exciting and incredible, yes?
I'll get to it. I don't know how I'm going to accomplish what I have imagine in my head, but I made it so far, and I'm sure I'll geddit done.

Unfortunately, I'm getting ahead of myself here.
My 3rd term is coming next 2 weeks and I'm at the back of the wagon.

Wish me lots of luck!
And tell me what you think so far, it is rather plain and simple without the essentials (like the banner and patterns) but it is pretty awesome, no?