imCaely

A Little Voice In My Head

itscaely@gmail.com (Caely) — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 19:33:00 +0000

Hello, hello, baby;
You called, I can't hear a thing.
I have got no service
in the club, you see, see…
Wha-Wha-What did you say?
Oh, you're breaking up on me…
Sorry, I cannot hear you,
I'm kinda busy.

- Telephone, Lady Gaga feat. Beyonce

1. My brother talks in his sleep! How queer is that? I heard him mumbling some inaudible sentences while I was sneaking into his room to get my midnight dose of the laptop.

2. I realize once again that I should be extremely grateful that I have such a grandmother whom I can call my own. Yesterday, she boarded the bus and came to deliver our dinner (Dad who usually goes to my grandparents' house to fetch our dinner was running late), as usual I was alone. I was on the Internet downstairs while she was folding the clothes, and we had a nice, long conversation. She said a great amount of absurd and atrocious things which is too embarrassing to write here. But, I know she has my best interest at heart. She made me a pillow because she thinks that all our "normal" pillows have bugs in it, which eats our skin -___- She is very stubborn about her theory and I've said everything to prove otherwise but she wouldn't budge. So, she made me a pillow which she's absolutely sure that bugs cannot fester in it, and she made me another adorable pink cushion as well. She's making me a bolster! She said that I ought to take up a sewing class after my SPM which I actually wanted to, ever since I watched how Jenny in Gossip Girl create her own clothes. Oh, my grandmother is buying me a mini pail for me... don't ask. When it was time she went back, I felt sad :(

The pillow and cushion :

3. I've watched The Invasion the second time. I absolutely love paranormal-end-of-the-world movies. They're rare gems, because I can't find good ones. The Invasion is the one to blame for my wrecking of my sleep pattern! From the moment Daniel Craig said, "You can easily go without sleep for a week" to Nicole Kidman, I've been telling myself that I don't need sleep as much as I think I need it. Wtf.

4. This is a twist to the classic French manicure. I think it's gorgeous :

5. Christmas is near. It's time to explore different malls to see how good they are in decorating their center courts this year. It's always been my Mum's interest to do so and apparently, it's contagious.

6. My parents bought three boxes of Quaker's 90 calories granola health bars. I've been eating them every day. How can one resist scrumptious 90 calories health bars? It has only 90 calories in it, that alone should be horribly tempting. I feel so deprived sometimes. I want to jog everyday, but my parents say jogging unaccompanied will get me kidnapped, what's with the rise of foreigners. The only schoolmate who lives nearby is this girl named Eunice and I'm not even close to her. Well, if you know her, you'll probably understand why I'm not asking her. I want to go to the club to swim and play squash, but my parents work till the late evenings and I've got no transport. So, I'm reduced to one trip to the club per week. I want to skip rope at the front porch of my house, but it's so public. People who passes by will think I'm from Valley of the Whack. Wtf.

7. I'm making such a poor progress in my books because the time I have is spent on the Internet. Is anyone having the same problem as I am? :(

8. My Dad asked me the other day (while I was on my way to Shan's house), he said : "Is Sungai Long better or the area we live in better?" I was taken aback, with Adam Lambert blasting at my ear drums. I said, "Uh, our area is better since we're in the middle of everything. But, all my friends are at Sungai Long!" He replied with something which is highly offending! Basically, a three-quarter of my social circle lives in Sungai Long, I think it's best not to write my Dad's retort here. Teehee :)

9. I've changed my blog's layout and would greatly appreciate some feedback! Let me know what you think, like if the purple is too nauseating.

10. I would love to have a look-see in Disney, Pixar and Google. Better yet, I'd love to be an intern there. Aren't you the least bit curious of what's inside their work place?

Love, kisses and good day,
Caely.

Just A Short One

itscaely@gmail.com (Caely) — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 11:28:00 +0000

And it was New York, New York
And she took his heart away oh my
And it was New York, New York
She had poisoned his sweet mind
Mmmm
The wolves they howled for my lost soul
I fell down a deep black hole
He left me for another lady

- New York, Paloma Faith

My peeps and I were sitting around Shanan's dining table, having explosive laughs and pleasant conversation (are gossip conversation?) with couscous on our plates. Couscous is a Middle Eastern wheat, which looks like rice except they're finer. I've always wanted to try it, and voila - dream came true. We were basically a bunch of gossip crazies. We ordered Domino's after Garett went back home. He missed his chance of wrecking his diet, but he already did so in the first place because we gave him chocolates and cakes.

So, we eventually drifted to the topic of blogging. Someone said something about how there's a blogger named Reiko, and she had been blogging ever since she's a teen. And, the shocking thing of it all is, now she's a mother. She's still blogging! Remember how people always asks us to stop thinking about the past or ponder over the possibilities in the future and just live in the moment? I don't know if blogging - for me - is something which belongs to the "now" time slot. I may be well over this next year or when I'm in college. It's hard to tell.

If blogs and Youtube don't exist, I can't imagine what I'll be left doing. Something which requires more energy than plonking myself here, no doubt. I'm well settled with my diary now. I don't make as much entries as I do there than here. I don't want it to be a chore. I want it to be something which I do when I want to.

One thing is for sure, I am sure I won't be blogging anymore when I become a mother like that blogger. It feels weird. Imagine your Dad or Mum blogging. Well, my Mum has a cooking blog of her own, so it's not hard to imagine.

My Own Asian and Western Dilemma

itscaely@gmail.com (Caely) — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 23:07:00 +0000

If you only knew
I'm hanging by a thread
The web I spin for you
If you only knew
I'd sacrifice my beating
Heart before I lose you
I still hold onto the letters
You returned
I swear I've lived and learned

- If You Only Knew, Shinedown

It's 5am as I'm writing this in Notepad.

People in this side of the world are starting their day right this instance and as for me? I didn't sleep. Technically, I'm continuing my day. As you all know, I'm extremely determined to wound my body's clock into a healthy one. I'm doing it right now! Explanation : On Saturday, I made a mistake by sleeping at 4am because I was reading a book. I woke up on Sunday at 1pm. I can't sleep now because I'm not sleepy because I woke up at 1pm! So, the only way to correct everything is by drinking coffee and watching movies, not sleeping now so I'll be tired tonight and will sleep early henceforth which will bring me to waking up early on Tuesday morning! This is a genius plan, isn't it? (pretend you understand what I'm saying even if you don't).

After watching two movies and playing Diner Dash, I thought I'd best put my caffeine-infused brain into some serious typing. My third movie was a Korean movie called Unstoppable Marriage. I laughed so hard, smiled so widely and cried so severely. I have a confession to make. I actually like watching Korean dramas and movies! They are actually very good. I like the romantic and funny ones. Then again, all of them are probably has romance and comedy in it. Well, I'm not sure if they're Oscar material but they're good for passing the time :) Who's agreeing with me?

I'm not going to write an essay about how I think about the movie, you can easily buy the DVD (or lend it from Shanan like I did) and judge for yourself. There is an element in the movie which I think we all should ponder upon. At least, I did. The movie has this mother who is terribly rich and only likes foreign things. She looks down upon her own Korean traditions because it's not classy enough. Made me feel so guilty -_____- because..

I'm very English oriented. I'm very stubborn when it comes to the fact that I'm very influenced by the Western culture and I frankly like to be this way. It's not because I'm like the rich woman in the movie, wanting to act like the Westerners or the Europeans because they're more higher end. Who's to say that they're the higher end, anyway? Just because they're more technologically advanced? Okay, maybe that's the reason but it couldn't (and shouldn't) be the only reason. I admit, I sometimes wonder why I must follow and go along with all these Chinese-like practices. Perhaps the only reasonable reason is that I'm born into this culture and I'm supposed to try to fit into this culture and not be influenced by others.

I'm not saying it's a demeaning thing, to be a Chinese. I wouldn't want to be a Caucasian or any other ethnicity even if I had a choice. I don't know. I'm just really loyal to what I have and am (on most occasions). We all are loyal to what we are and am. I prefer to think it that way even if I'll be accused of being naively optimistic. For instance, I'd like to think that we're all secretly patriotic to our country even if we moan and groan about it. I'm okay this way. But being influenced by the Western culture, I don't think that's bad. Maybe it's bad in a way, because sometimes I catch myself being all, "Why can't we be like the Americans? Be free like them, go out whenever we want. Walk anywhere we want. No old fuss pots behind us, nagging at us."

I do ocassionally hate the whole Asian thing. It's funny how we're constantly unsatisfied with what we are. Always envying other people. Can I say that we're built this way? Typical Chinese traditions and food, I'm fine. But the whole "chineser" mentality, I will never get. Never will I be one of them, I'm sorry. Although it is like that, I still hold on to all the Chinese things which is dear and important, so I'm not all that ungrateful!

You will never ever see me trading my Char Siew Pau for a Greek Salad, okay! Not just because I don't eat green vegetables. Char Siew Pau is legendary.

Pipsqueaks!

itscaely@gmail.com (Caely) — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 15:45:00 +0000

You're automatic,
And your heart's like an engine
I die with every beat
You're automatic,
And your voice is electric
Why do I still believe?
It's automatic
Everywhere in your letter
A lie that makes me bleed

- Automatic, Tokio Hotel

As we all know (I'm assuming you know), I'm very particular with what I post up here. If I feel like the post is pointless or not good enough, I don't post it up. Sometimes I realize this a bit later, that is why you see me drafting my posts after posting them up. It was as if I was holding a rusty but nifty torch, searching for some ideas inside my head to be made into words. When you have predictability everyday, blogging sort of turns me off. It loses its appeal to me. Even my poor diary received the same treatment from me. Oh well. I'd rather post good posts up instead of having a couple of inane, pointless posts everyday.

Yesterday, while I was in the car with Mum and brother, Mum was telling me about something regarding my Dad. It dawned on me that there is a very fine, invisible line separating the good and bad things that can happen. Think about it. Why do bad things happen? Because we're careless or that we deserve it maybe. Why do good things happen to us? Perhaps we worked hard for it or we're just plain lucky. Whichever way you want to believe, I think there's a fine line between both of the sides.

So ultimately fine and fragile, it can break any time.

It's pretty scary, huh, when you think about it. I started thinking about this because I was fumbling through my skirt's pockets, searching for my phone. I remembered distinctly that I put it there when I was buying those headbands! A few seconds later, I was basically rummaging frantically for the bloody phone. I was hoping silently that I didn't leave it behind and bam, it was under my butt. I was sitting on it the whole time. Bloody hell.. Gave me the scare of the week! I couldn't imagine what I'd do without my phone and I'm serious. Everything is in it. Something bad could've happen.

Then, Mum went on telling both brother and I about how Dad is turning 50 and getting old. He smokes, occasionally drinks and this lifestyle does not ring healthy. He is going to step inside the realm of blur, which will hence be followed by Alzheimer's! Although he plays badminton 3 times a week, he should cut down on all the smokes and alcohol. Something bad could happen, again.

There's this accident which involved my one of my Dad's friend's Mum. I thought it was pretty stupid because who in the world would let 4 old women drive a car to and back from Genting?! They drove into a ditch and unfortunately, the car exploded in flames because of the crash. Both in the front seats survived but the really, really horrific thing was both in the back seats didn't survive. They were burnt alive, screaming while hugging each other.

Dying unconsciously and quickly is a quick and easy way to die, but being burnt alive is just unimaginable. Imagine the pain. If you accidentally burn your fingertips, you'd already be like, in agony. What happens if you're being burnt throughout your whole entire body! They're so old and they have to succumb to pain. The most horrifying thing is that it could happen to anyone. Anytime.

How now? Does that mean we have to hide in our four walls and never go out? Because dangers and risks are all around us. The ceiling might crumble down upon me right this minute (God forbid) for all I know. Well, that would be the worst thing imaginable right now, because I'm trying to finish a post here!

Some pictures from Pavilion today :

Mummy is love :)

This is me, rocking my new baby pink heels (they're wedges!) and now, as I'm writing this, I'm joyfully poking the blister I've gotten from it. I have never gotten blisters in my life, and I didn't know it can get all balloon-esque with air and liquid inside. How cute is that?!

No Rules. Chemistry Is Important

itscaely@gmail.com (Caely) — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 09:24:00 +0000

It doesn't matter what you see.
I know i could never be
Someone that looks like you.
It doesn't matter what you say
I know i could never face
someone that could sound like you.
All the right friends in all the wrong places
So yeah, we're going down
We've got all the right moves and all the wrong faces
So yeah, we're going down

- All The Right Moves, One Republic

I watched Brokeback Mountain last midnight on DVD. And it was just, wow. I noticed that males show a lot of roughness and grunting as a sign of affection to each other -__- Well, at least, in the movie it was like that. The relationship between Jack and Ennis was just so startling and amazing. I have never seen such odd chemistry. Knowing that both of them are male and they happen to be in love with each other, I expected a more prominent soft side in both of them. But, no. You don't get to see their softer and more loving side unless Jack and Ennis both show it. As guys, they don't talk a whole lot. But, when they started to know each other and formed that invisible line which ties both of them together, they can yak a whole lot. When they were seperated for four years, and finally got to meet again, Ennis was so happy that his wife was similar to a non-existant mosquito.

Another thing, throughout the movie, both of them never said "I love you". Not once.

They're just a couple of confused people who loves each other roughly yet tenderly, I think. One thing which is odd here is that Jack and Ennis both are really rugged and manly. Because, obviously - today's society usually protray homosexual relationship differently. One has to be the girlier one, the other the manlier one. There's one thing about guys, whether they're in a relationship or a friendship, especially in the movie -- Ennis or Jack can go off without looking back. They hide their emotions so much. Girls don't do that (at least I don't) -- I think we'll at least have to look back a few times while waving goodbyes at our friend. Then, they acknowledge each other in *silence* or at most, they nod their heads. We girls, we usually have such joviality when we greet each other.

However, when Jack and Ennis both realized their feelings for each other, they greeted with more grunts, punches, and fierce hugs and kisses. Also, guys, when they don't feel like talking, they don't talk do they? The retreat to their little "caves" to do their thinking. What I do pity about their relationship is that the women who fell in love with them suffer. Jack and Ennis can never truly love their wives. I don't know why Ennis didn't want to go live with Jack, like how Jack suggested. I think it's because Ennis wanted some normality and he was somewhat scared. I think such relationships are perfectly normal and they don't have to care what other people thinks. Well, the circumstances are different. We're in the 21st century now and the movie was set back during the 60's.

"Brokeback Mountain, if you are willing to give it a chance, is an emotional, heartbreaking movie."

Of Red Rain and Flowy Skirts

itscaely@gmail.com (Caely) — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 15:12:00 +0000

Oh, do you know what you got into?
Can you handle what I’m ’bout to do?
‘Cause it’s about to get rough for you
I’m here for your entertainment
Oh, I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet
‘Ya fallen angel swept ya off ya feet
Well I’m about to turn up the heat
I’m here for your entertainment

- For Your Entertainment, Adam Lambert

1. I think I've slipped into a pace where I have to think for a second which day today is. There is always a time when time matters, but not much. Sometimes, I purse my lips and twiddle my thumb, staring at nothing and being annoyed with the world. The world didn't do anything wrong, mind you -- it's just me being spiteful. Because, I don't know what I want. There is such a vast field of choices, I don't know where to start. Again, I'm confronted with a situation similar to the time when the waiter handed me the Paddington Pancake House menu. I was so peeved with it, because they have the worst, most confusing and packed menu ever. I want to do so many things. I want to have it all. Why am I being like this, I wonder. This is such a problem, or maybe I myself am the problem. I make problems way more complicated than they are, over-thinking things. I was mopping the floor, and the brother came home from college, trying to have a joyful banter with me and I gave him the evil eye because he disrupted my thoughts. I am such a problem.

2. Guess what? Okay, you'll never guess because it's so unlike me. I slept at 10 yesterday and I got up at around 10 today. This is an accomplishment! Let's see if I can keep this up.

3. People whom I've talked to would know this and this is not exactly CNN news, but I've cleaned and wiped my room and every fucking inch of it! I finished last Sunday and took 3 days to do it. I think my feet and back almost fell off, in fact - it's not hard to believe they did fall off. This is also another accomplishment. The cleaning room part is an accomplishment, not my body parts falling off part. My room is basically dust-free and smells like the Softlan softener. There is something to be proud of here, because I did not avoid creepy corners.

4. If you're wondering what I've been doing these days (if you're not wondering, I'm going to tell you anyway), I've been confined to my four walls and in my house. Don't be surprised if you find me one day in a lunatic's hospital. To add to my pending lunacy, all I do during the day is watch a movie, eat fruits, watch a bit of telly, and go onto the Internet. I go onto the Internet again during the night and read a book or a magazine before I sleep. This is not the way I picture things to be. I'm not really a laze-on-the-couch person (I prefer the bed). I want to move! The ridiculous thing is I'm not allowed because it's dangerous. Fuck dangers.

5. I've yet to tell people this. I have adopted this slight Southern drawl to my words. I speak more like a girly teenager now and I already speak like one. The reason being, I keep watching this make-up tutorial person named Blair. She's really pretty and is the second most popular person in the How To & Style channel in Youtube. She's my age as well, and that's why I like her even more! She has a Vlog channel, which adds to her accent influence in mine. It's not permanent, at least - I hope it wouldn't be. But, I don't think it's a bad influence.

6. I know I'm at page 28 of The Time Traveler's Wife, but it's really good. Books bought with your own money have that sparkle in them, don't they? In fact - anything you buy with your own money has that "well-deserved" stamp on it :)

7. To everyone out there who would like to start eating cornflakes everyday, go for the Nestle one. Don't be fooled by Kellogg's and how it's an American brand and such. Their cornflakes suck. It's thin, entirely too flaky, and doesn't have much taste in it. Nestle is the absolute opposite and it's from the UK.

I Want This Holiday To Be Productive!

itscaely@gmail.com (Caely) — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 08:08:00 +0000

I am girl of my own words (sometimes).

Hence, I'm going to really clean my room! Well, I clean and tidy my room everyday, but those are just basic housekeeping normalities. This time, my cleaning means, turning the mattress and the cupboards and tables upside down, take all my things out and wipe them clean (including books), arrange my drawers and clothes, vacuum every inch of my room including the underside of my bed (eww). I have to wash all of my sheets and cushions as well. It's been a long while since I've done this and my room is basically DUSTY in places I ignore.

Meanwhile, I'll have to sleep in my parents' room because I have no where to sleep, since I'm turning my room upside down and rightside up!

I really, really hope I can get new pink curtains and a pink comforter set. I also hope my parents will buy paint for me, so I can paint my racks and table lamp pink. Cross fingers for me, will you? I really really really want this :(

I'm going to have to don a surgical mask and two gloves!! Should I start now?

Everybody say Hi to <3 Charlie :

Oh, if I don't come back, it means I've been eaten by the dust mites or have been infected by some viral room plague.

Just By Understanding

itscaely@gmail.com (Caely) — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 08:41:00 +0000

If roses are meant to be red
And violets to be blue
Why isn't my heart meant for you
My hands longing to touch you
But I can barely breathe
Starry eyes that make me melt
Right in front of me
Lost in this world
I even get lost in this song
And when the lights go down
That is where I'll be found

- Lost, Anouk

I will always remember the late nights I've pulled off for these past couple of years. Usually, I have such nights because I'm that lazy. Being lazy should be one of the seven deadly sins. However, being lazy doesn't play a big part in procrastinating. It's more due to the fact that I also have the tendency of not doing things when I'm not in the mood, when I'm uninspired and when I'm not passionate about it. I'm sixteen and a girl, so basically - I can come up with a lot of excuses to dodge matters at hand or just simply ignore them until I feel like acknowledging them.

I don't wake up one day, and go, "Oh, you know what? I don't wanna sleep early today. I wanna sleep at 4 in the morning!" I try my best not to stay up late because I know it's really bad for me (I care because it involves vanity reasons). But, as you all know, I'm not a morning person and technically, I'm motionless and useless in the afternoons. Night is the only time where I can watch a movie happily, talk to people nicely, and succumb to a blissful oblivion.

Most of the late nights that I've pulled are because of my school work like unfinished assignments and last minute cramming. I remember once, I practically camped in the second living room with the laptop and all of my materials needed to complete my Chemistry assignment which is... to create a somewhat life sized Periodic Table of Elements. I thought it was stupid and tedious because we have a printed one in our Reference Book, another one in our Text Book, plus a drawn one in our Practical Book. I decided that I don't need to pass it up so quickly, so it was officially chucked away...

Until the night before, I realized my teacher was serious about it, and the stupid assignment is going to affect my grade. What the hell! I got the materials beforehand, and miraculously, I was inspired... and I had the mood for it... and I was passionate about it! I worked on it the whole night and slept on the couch at about 5 in the morning. I was really satisfied with my work. It turned out exactly how I wanted it to be. I like working with crafts, colored papers, and a pair of scissors.

Then, there was a time when I was having my first term's exams this year. I had my laptop and books and camped in the second living room again. I read and studied till I was hanging dry, while watching Breakfast At Tiffany's on Youtube. Yes, the entire movie! It was so nice and the stress wasn't there. Okay, stress wasn't there because I like History (that was the subject I was studying) and I have Youtube with me!

All the while, through those nights, I didn't care about how tired I was. I knew it was going to work out eventually. Because, I actually liked it. Things get easy doesn't it? When we're in our zone, and when we love what we're doing.

*Trying to spend lesser time on the Internet, my eyes and head can't take it. I have my nifty alarm beside me which goes off noisily every half an hour now (while the sun is baking half of my face) to remind me of my limits. By the by, I'm singing really loudly since there ain't no one in the house and I'm guessing my neighbors can hear me...*

Excited In A Box

itscaely@gmail.com (Caely) — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 11:33:00 +0000

Did you see the shiny moon?
Turned into a black balloon
Just as you walked away from me
Did you see how hard I've tried?
Not to show the pain inside
Just as you walked away from me
Who painted the moon black?
Just when you passed your love back
Who painted the moon black?

- Who Painted The Moon Black, Hayley Westernra

The other day, I gently grazed the surface of a rather unthought of topic with my Mum. Which is, whether if I'm going to be living in my home for the rest of my life... until I hop into the marriage wagon. Regardless if I have dorms in my college or any other circumstances. I think my parents are quite a couple of traditionalist, but not to an extent where it can choke me and I'll die. For instance, my Mum have this "thing" with my going to my friends' house. I don't know why she doesn't like it. It's not like I have cooties that I can infect my friends' houses. I'm invited and I don't see the wrong in it.

They probably became more of it after the incident which happened to my older cousin sister. She was living with a couple of friends, several blocks away from my house and she's a beautician. She's a good person but I've always known she had the wild streak in her and her social circle consists of those whom I'd rather stay away from. Well, she invited this guy she had met for only a few days to her house, because it was late and he needed a shower. Somehow, he drugged her and raped her. She found out she was pregnant 3 months after. 3 months is a really long time and it baffles me. How can she manage not to know? Wouldn't you throw up or get cramps or anything? I heard your period stops.

Our entire family, including close and distant relatives, contemplated her situation (some even had the nerve to gossip about it and that shows how ungracious they are) and my aunt and uncle whose her parents came to my parents and they helped find a solution. They thought the whole raping story was farse, and that my cousin brought it on herself. I avoided talking about it, because despite the fact that I'm unable to imagine the humiliation of it all, I do know how heavy the pressure is on her. How it actually happened and how she found a solution for it is not my place to tell, though.

After this incident, my Dad was utterly critical about a girl's independence. All through the course, he was complaining to the air about how girls are getting uncontrolled. I was thinking, "Hello, excuse me, not all of us are like that!" They know of course that I will never be like that, because I'm beyond the Valley of Right. But, I suppose, even if the incident never happened, they'll still hold on to me -__- Not that I have anything against my parents being protective but you see, I've always dreamed of having my own place when I start working. I can safely say that the Western culture had influenced me more than I thought. Even if I'm flat broke on my own, I'll still manage. Perhaps you'd think I don't know what I'm talking about because it sounds so chimerical. I'm not being ungrateful to my parents here either.

We've talked about it with Mum, about how Skinny Brother and I are going to spend our adult lives. The impending question is, how am I supposed to let her know what I want? Wait till the time comes?

The thing is, I don't want to live in this box my entire early adult life.

(This is not an emo post. You'll know why I wrote this tomorrow if you're reading this now! I'm so excited about this whole master plan I'm coming up with!!)

It Didn't Mean Anything

itscaely@gmail.com (Caely) — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 05:52:00 +0000

If I told you things I did before
Told you how I used to be
Would you go along with someone like me?
If you knew my story word for word
Had all of my history
Would you go along with someone like me?
I did before and had my share
It didn't lead nowhere
I would go along with someone like you

- Peter, Bjorn and John - Young Folks

I made a little list of the words that turns me off and makes me wince twice. This is the most irrational instrument of torture ever because they're my everyday words and can't escape saying them. Then, they are words which captures the essence of pleasure just by reading or hearing them, because of the way you spell or pronounce them. Well, some of the words are just too adorable not to like (like booger and loofah)

Words I Hate :
Lame. Coin. Bangle. Ring. Necklace. Hole. Opal. Milk. Maybe. Bobbing. Revolutionary. Fleshy. Pimple. Navel. Whatever. Nurture. Nostril. Succulent. Bombarded.

Words I Like :
Alabaster. Contemplate. Lucid. Loofah. Montage. Unorthodox. Languid. Conspire. Umpteenth. Excursion. Metaphorically. Inexplicable. Booger. Oesophagus.

What are yours? :D

Another One of Those Days

itscaely@gmail.com (Caely) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 06:40:00 +0000

And even as I wander,
I'm keeping you in sight.
You're a candle in the window,
On a cold, dark winter's night.
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might
And I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.
It's time to bring this ship into the shore,
And throw away the oars, forever.

- Can't Fight This Feeling, Reo Speedwagon

It was 10am. The alarm rang and I reluctantly got up and went to shut that awful sound which typical alarm clocks make. I thought to myself, "5 more minutes dammit!". The next thing I know, I was woken up by the sound of my brother's toilet door opening. It was around 12.30pm. I went downstairs groggily and switched on the TV to watch half an hour of CSI:NY and continued watching Cyril, Simply Magic (I think he's great and kinda good-looking) while waiting for brother to buy something for lunch. I'm an official bum now. Too lazy to do anything except sit and look at something which includes the telly, computer, and books. Some of my classmates are still at school, those who has the initiative to go to school in the first place considering how today's the official last day of school.

I logged into Facebook, curious of what's happening there. I was bombarded with so many notifications, all 101 of them. I never knew I was supposed to check the notifications, because all these while, what I do is ignore them. I didn't know what it is for anyway! Yesterday, while all of us were at Kun Huat's mansion of a house, Kristal told me I was supposed to check each one off -__- It's such a turn off. Such a job. It's not just with Facebook, see. It's with everything. You have to keep up to date with everything that it gets tiring and tedious with time.

It's like, when I was myself six years ago, I would be so agitated and interested with celebrity news and gossip. I would religiously buy tabloid magazines every fortnight to get my good dose of celebrity updates. I just wanted to know about them. Well, I stopped buying them when I was 13 because I find no point in them anymore. Why would I want to know what's happening in other people's lives when it doesn't affect me? They're just people, except everybody knows who they are. I still find pleasure when someone tells me something revealing about celebrities but other than that, I'll just leave them be.

I read in a book once, which says, when you're in the know, you just know. Getting in the know is easy but to continue knowing is such an effort. I thought of uploading the pictures in Facebook for yesterday and for the class party the day before but I just snapped. What the hell. I can just do it here, like it or not. Social networking can be remote and alien when I think about it, it's so complicated for days like these. I'm not sure if generally, blogging is considered as social networking. I don't think it is, because it's personal except if you blog for popularity and readers and such. Then, it's no more than mere social networking.

I'm replaying the song over and over again because I love this song and can't believe I forgot about it. I'll bet that there's hundreds (no kidding) oldies of which I've chucked away at a corner in my mind. I'm just glad that my parents introduce oldies (though for them, it's not called oldies) ever since I was born because it plays such a big chunk of a part in music. I love the line, "You're a candle in the window, on a cold, dark winter's night".

Some of the pictures from Kun's 16th yesterday :

Here with Kristal and Teddy.

Aziz should instill some man in himself!

Birthday guy and I.

Kun's sister, Ze. She was so cool, instantly liked her. Had so much fun talking when we were at the Padini Concept Store :)

Went to Kun's ginormous house and played Rock Band!

Self-timer failures.

Shaun, the Big Butt and I :P

With Kristal whom I love because she's awesome like that :D

My secret weapon and talent!

Okay, I think the reason why I'm all moody is because I just woke up and this is the usual me, or because I'm dehydrated or because I haven't gotten my coffee yet. So off I go. Come to think of it, I'd better upload the pictures in Facebook after all :)

Once Upon A Time, There Were A Lot of Words

itscaely@gmail.com (Caely) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 13:07:00 +0000

Take a gun, and count to three
I’m sweating now, moving slow
No time to think, my turn to go
And you can see my heart beating
You can see it through my chest
And I’m terrified but I’m not leaving
Know that I must must pass this test
So just pull the trigger

- Russian Roulette, Rihanna

- I have so much to say, so many mixed feelings and emotions pending to convey itself. I am jaded. I feel jaded. I am worn out, without a cause. I feel like I'm on an imaginary emotional roller coaster because it feels like I'm the only one who is noticing the constant spur of varied moods that is in myself. There may only be one reason for why I'm feeling what I am now : The year's ending! Today's the last day of school. Well, technically - this coming Friday's the last day of school but we declared that today would be a better day to end the school term. We are conspiratorial like that. Every year, I feel like I'm revisiting this old movie which replays by itself once it's got its cue. It's the same, sad, excited feeling. Sad because school's ended, excited because holiday's a-knocking!

My friends and classmates are always there, constantly orbiting around my universe - like a family. I just love them (except the one who's soggy and wet). I love school along with the teachers, it's my proven security blanket. Like what I told Garett, happy moments pass quickly because if it stays for a long while or happens too frequently, we wouldn't treasure it like we do now. I guess this is why this year feels so short :(

I can't post all of it (I'm lazy) so here's some of the pictures from today :

I'm a self declared pig!

Lyn, one of my favorite person in the world :)

Practising gluttony with the chili barbecue sauce.

Speechless.

Acting cute..

Some of us, with our favorite Math teacher, Mr.Harmizee who promised us he'll meet us in a mamak somewhere someday.

Something from us to Ms.Roy, our History teacher. I wonder if she gave some to "Anyone" or did she gobble the whole thing up herself!

Teddy and I, with Pizza Carrying Lady behind.

How heavy can it be?!

His quirkly pizza face.

Lovable Teddy and I

Awesome Liza and I

Mark and Ghia. This is too adorable to not post up!

Dan's ingenious idea :D

Notice how *everybody* is doing different things altogether!

- Our Biology teacher Mr.Ganesh, all 6 feet of him, was discussing with us about 2012 today. He told us about the possibilities and all that. I suppose, you can't run out of fate's hands. We're all destined to die one day, it's just a matter of time. There's no defying death, especially seeing what we're doing to the environment. I think some people are rather... paranoid about this whole apocalypse thing because I was seating in my usual seat in the bus and wham bam, I was greeted with this :

2012, death is coming closer.

The person who wrote this needs to chill.

I'm Seeing Seven

itscaely@gmail.com (Caely) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 06:39:00 +0000

I love the way she fills her clothes
She looks just like them girls in Vogue
I love the way she plays it cool
I think that she is beautiful
I love the way she bites her lip
I love the way she shakes them hips
I love the way she makes me drool
I think that she is beautiful
She's so lovely
She's so lovely

- She's So Lovely, Scouting For Girls

7 Known Things About You

1. I use a lot of moisturizer.
2. I like to be clean and neat, preferably always.
3. My favourite question is, "Are there any cute guys?"
4. I hate touching or seeing coins, or anything that is smelly and rusty.
5. I comb my hair or fuss with it every 5 minutes.
6. It's super, super hard to wake me up. You must summon an earthquake to accomplish the said task.
7. I giggle.

7 Lesser Known Things About You

1. I like muscle aches and pains.
2. I like to sit on the toilet seat and read.
3. I wear two different socks in my room. One for the bed, and one outside of the bed.
4. Hate any seaweed and strawberry-flavored food.
5. I hide my mugs and plates in my sock drawer...
6. I tend to overreact to petty things.
7. I scrutinize at every person's tone and words, to decipher what they're really thinking and intentions.

7 Wishes

1. I wish that I have a treadmill at home.
2. I wish that the unfortunate old people in the old folks home can live better.
3. I wish that I'll have more outfits and dresses and books in the future (so materialistic)
4. I wish that the world would be spared from vile kidnappers, pedophiles, and greedy businessmen.
5. I wish that I can be nocturnal and not ruin my health of my skin.
6. I wish that I can spend a day and night in the airport because I love airports.
7. I wish that I can spend a day (or eternity) with Paul Wesley (or Ben Barnes) to know his real self.
8. I wish that Google can follow me wherever I go.

7 Things You Like About Yourself

1. My height.
2. My flexibility.
3. How I love drinking 100% natural orange juice.
4. My neatness and fussiness.
5. My natural flair.
6. How I smile most of the time.
7. My taste in life.

7 Things You Don't Like About Yourself

1. My figure!
2. How ill-informed I am about the world and its common knowledge.
3. The fact that I don't mind being ill-informed...
4. I can be my snobbiest, proudest, most judgmental self sometimes.
5. My poor memory and occasional memory lapse.
6. How I must listen to music everywhere I am... in my room, right now, while exercising, while showering, in the bus, in school, while talking to people, in the car.
7. How self-conscious I am.

7 Things On Your Mind Right Now

1. I didn't go to school today because I didn't wake up. I promised I would.
2. I'm an Internet junkie.
3. I met a cute badminton coach while I was playing squash.
4. I'm eating bland/horrible-tasting oatmeal for breakfast everyday.
5. I gravely, solemnly and seriously need a monthly allowance which will mostly be used for books and clothes.
6. Listening to Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart.
7. When will Lady Gaga's The Fame Monster be out?

7 Things You Hate When...

1. Cynics accuse me of something which they think is true but isn't because they think the worst of people and matters.
2. I lose something or when I can't find something.
3. I am rushed.
4. I get headaches.
5. That time of the month comes.
6. People sigh and complain directly at your face, being all self-pitiful.
7. I smell that wave of stinky air left by equally stinky and sweaty boys.

7 Things You Hope To Accomplish Soon

1. Stop blogging so much!!
2. Start revising for this year's syllabus, so I wouldn't be road-kill material next year.
3. Watch all the movies I plan.
4. Complete exercising plan.
5. Actually start the exercise plan first.
6. Pester and badger till I get another bookshelf.
7. Finish Phillip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy because it's so good.

I have 8 wishes instead of 7 because I'm greedy like that :)

I Need To Buy Books

itscaely@gmail.com (Caely) — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 06:20:00 +0000

If you're still alive
My regrets are few
If my life is mine
What shouldn't I do?
I get wherever I'm going
I get whatever I need
While my bloods still flowing
And my heart still beats...
Beating like a hammer

- Help I'm Alive, Metric

I'm currently sipping slowly from a mug of coffee, with the wind quietly and softly blowing in. This languidness is such a contrast to the fast-paced, early-bird-gets-the-worm mentality the Vietnamese have. I posted about my trip to Ho Chi Minh here sometime ago, but it wasn't complete so I unpublished it. It's completed now :

When my Mum first told me about this out of the blue trip to Vietnam, the immediate things which came to cloud my mind were : straw hats, dirt and mud, vegetables and more dirt and mud. Okay, I realized I'm having a demeaning perception (for me, what could be more degrading that being linked to dirt and mud?!) of this country before actually seeing the place myself. I wasn't ecstatic, after all - this is not Paris or Cannes so it's not something which I would lose my head over, but I didn't push it away either.

The second thing which I always think about when someone announces that I'm supposed to be "going somewhere" is, what to wear?! I underestimated the degree of the country's humidity, but I did give a good thought about lodging all my "breathable" clothes along. After all, I ain't going to North Pole or somewhere remotely close to the North Pole. The huge dilemma was, I have no fucking breathable clothes!

Healthy sandwiches I like :)

I thought my pupils and ears were being split into halves because all I hear were noises and honks from vehicles and all I see were motorcycles rushing by. I was given the impression that maybe (just maybe) all the drivers are temporarily brainwashed because I look at them and it seems that they have only one goal when they drive : To arrive at the destination irregardless. They're eyes are impossibly intent and focused, their faces itching with hidden impatience. Drivers honk every fucking 5 seconds.

If I'm a Vietnamese, I would create a petition, petitioning against the extreme lack of traffic lights. Pedestrians cross the roads, as if they do not heed the oncoming vehicle. Well, to be honest, after numerous attempts of crossing their traffic, I think I'm a master and a righteously acclaimed professional in crossing roads.

There are absolutely no mountains here.

The stuffiest and most crowded market I've ever been to, Ben Thanh market. Good bargains though.

Friendly locals :

A whole day tour around Ho Chin Minh and Mekong Delta. Pictures for your scrolling pleasure! :

Me and the greatest person in the world.

Entering unknown territory!

On one of those traditional, wooden motorboats.

To the swamps!

Wtf..

The authentic Vietnam experience : wooden boat rides!

With goofy Dad behind ;D

The next day, we had a half-day tour around the city. Scrolling time :

At the Presidential Palace, a place with absolutely no air-conditioning, leaving us damp and humidified.

Kids, no matter what part of the world you're in or what race you are, are always the same, aren't they? Skipping and running in the drizzling rain, without a care for the world.

Carving intricately with colored egg shells.

The beautiful Notre Dame cathedral :

Wtf, it was raining by now and we have no umbrellas.

The Post Office was smack on the right side of the cathedral. This is one swanky post office.

It's a sin to forget raving about the food. Here's some of them awesome food :

Pho Hoa (noodle soup). Michelle loves it as well :) I would love, love, love to have a bowl of that again! It just ain't the same here.

Spring rolls that kill.

Knowing their dependency and love for rice, they have this other kind of rice called broken rice. It is a wonder for me, the broken rice are very fine, broken into almost perfect halves.

I drank my first vegetable drink.

What they love there.

You have not lived until you drink Vietnamese coffee. It's heaven in a glass.

I feel like I eat fried rice everywhere.

They take their fish very seriously.

They have road side stalls everywhere, with quaint little chairs. Seems like everyone goes there. The hygiene level is not exactly high, so we didn't eat there. I didn't get to sit on one of the cute little chairs!

They have beautiful, green, New York Central Park-like parks in every corner of the city, something which I think our country should learn to have.

A proud urbanite. Ho Chin Minh is such a complicated city with erratic and unpredictable weather, you'll soon love it. Another wonderful thing about Ho Chin Minh is that they have so many hot Caucasian backpackers!

The Still Sad World

itscaely@gmail.com (Caely) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 10:16:00 +0000

So what if it hurts me
So what if I break down
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don’t care about other pain in front of me
Cause I’m just tryna be happy, yeah
Just wanna be happy, yeah

- Happy, Leona Lewis

I've never actually thought that this day would come. I've always been constantly pessimistic about results in exams, because if it is that bad, I wouldn't get heartbroken when the results are not what I hoped for. Hence, no shattered hopes. I've always imagined how it would be like. To fail. To really fail. How it would be like to get an E or F or G. I thought I wouldn't be able to take it, I'll have a series of heart palpitations and will just die. But, no. That's not the case. When I found out I got an G (38 marks) for my Physics paper today. It sounds weird to have a G as your grade. I was merely disappointed. There were no tears. Probably because I've shed enough tears on the day I took the paper and realize I can't answer much of the questions. There were no Apocalypse-worthy drama. So, this is what it feels like when you're dropped with the FAILED bomb. It's pure, unadulterated disappointment. I slept for a while after that "ordeal", while sneakily listening to sad, depressing songs. I woke up, finding myself fine.

I've had many "maybes" throughout the years where I know I'm going fail, but didn't. It's usually for Math, which is before I had Biology, Chemistry and Physics as an additional baggage. This one time, I thought - maybe I can get away with this, maybe what I crapped in the paper worked. No such luck for me. I can't say I'm sad or scared or alone. I'm not sad because I knew this was coming and I programmed myself not to be too worked up over it. I'm not scared because I know I'll get Physics worked out eventually. I'm not alone either, because my teacher told me I'm not. At least, I still have ten other people accompanying me down the abyss, this dangerous, bottomless chasm.

Miss Paulina told me that it's perfectly fine to not do well in Physics when you're in Senior Four because it's an introduction. Usually, we will catch up in time. And, you need to fail once or twice, sometimes. Lyn said the exact same thing. I really hope she's right because "in time" has such a broad and inaccurate meaning. It can mean a month, 10 months or a year or perhaps, never. So, this is what it feels like to fail. It's such an empty feeling. I'm having this cluttered and tangled feeling where I'm not sure if I'm really sad or not. Had I finally reached the seemingly impossible point where I know it's okay to fail? That, failing is a rite of passage? I've never failed before. I've never gotten a D before (I got a D for Moral... don't ask) This term's results have shitload of varied grades in it.

If you're wondering if my parents would be mad and fuming about this red ink I have on my Report Book, then no. They won't. I told them what to expect and they quietly accepted it. Even if I didn't inform them beforehand, they'll still take it easy. Because, my parents know I'll get it right eventually. And I will :)

Something which you cannot succeed in being oblivious to : I changed my blog template, yet again. The look is now - stripped down and simpler than ever because I'm using Blogger's template. The previous one was already simple with it's pink and whiteness, but this beats it. I think it looks pretty chic. It was a rather instinctive thing to do. You might not have noticed this, but I adore wide blogging spaces. I don't understand why others like small, extremely narrow blogging spaces. The whole point of it is for you and the public to read it (comfortably). I have a new commenting system. Personally, I think I can't live another day with Blogger's commenting system because it's tedious and it stinks. Disqus is one of the best commenting system there is out there but it doesn't have the "pop-up" feature, where it pops up into another window. Minor set back :)

The One I Call My Brother

itscaely@gmail.com (Caely) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 10:17:00 +0000

I want your drama
The touch of your hand
I want you leather studded kiss in the scene
And I want your love
Love-love-love, I want your love
Love-love-love, I want your love
You know that I want you
And you know that I need you
I want a bad,your bad romance

- Bad Romance, Lady Gaga

My brother is a defeatist. He might not agree with me, but he is. Yesterday, all night long - while I was trying to get some decent sleep in my room, I can overhear him talking about how he must cancel his Sunway Lagoon outing with his college friends because he didn't have transport. He couldn't use my Dad's car because Dad's going to Kuantan today. Dad gave him numerous suggestions and ways which he wouldn't agree to. He came into my room and told me about it, and I tried giving him an ingenious solution, which is rather simple - change the fucking date. It's an outing, for crying out loud, not someone's birthday. Why can't they reschedule? He is a serial complainer. He doesn't complain about practical things, but instead - about the most inane things. He leaves me speechless, sometimes.

Despite all these shortcomings, he is undoubtedly a good brother. I've said this a few times, and it's remains the truth. Before applying to college, he had a few months unoccupied. Spending your vacant hours in the house spells disaster, because you'll slowly rot into oblivion. He took a job, as a mobile phone dealer (I'm trying to make the job sound better) and I'm not saying that becoming one is bad. It is extremely bad for a person. I'd call my brother a good guy, because he is everything nice, except for the occasional bothersome habits teenage guys have. Theoretically, my brother can handle the darker side of the society because his high school friends were practically the embodiment of the dark side.

But, when you overexpose a guy who's been rather good all his life, it's very easy for him to succumb to it. His vocabulary in Cantonese got a lot better, even better than mine! He started cussing frequently, though not in front of us. It's true that the people involved in selling the hand phones are bad people. They're not exactly the best of influences. My brother got a new "lala" girlfriend, who broke his heart later. He got another (rebound) girlfriend, this one obsessed with him. All of his new friends are gangster-like. Amidst everything, he never smoked, never drank, never went to clubs, never did drugs. I wouldn't know, but we'll just have to take his word for it. A word of advise to guys.. or girls.. who wants to work in a mobile phone store : Don't go there. That's not your future.

He ran away from the house, when my Dad disapproved of his job and asked him to quit it. My Dad said temperamentally, "If you don't wanna quit the job, then don't come back!" My brother got really angry because he was stubborn like that, and called me on the phone, to pack his things for him, saying that he's going to stay in my older cousin's house. My Mum was paranoid, and my Dad was even more angry and they constantly fought... and it was similar to a Hokkien drama series (never watch Hokkien shows before, but I heard they're tres scandalous). Everything worked out, after enough bawling. I think I was the center of it all, the pH7 in the midst of the acidity and neutrality.

He's taking his A Levels now, in Law (and some other subjects). Sometimes I wonder why he wants to study Law, in the first place. He doesn't read, the only book I've seen him read is Enid Blyton. And, that was when he was really young, and only got to a quarter of the book. His command of English is just on par. But, he's really passionate about it. He still is, but what worries me and my Mum is that, he seemed so cool and laid-back, and his exams are now. He's everything we call kiasu, he doesn't like losing. He's a bit like me in that department. Except, when I lose, I cry. He just sulks around, sighing, and letting you know that he's not happy. What the fuck.

My brother loves my Mum, I can tell. Even Kristal can tell, after meeting him once. That's because, he's always talking with Mum when I don't feel like talking, especially in the car. He has countless of grandfather tales he can hammer out. They're very alike, smiley.. happy.. talkative.. and that's why they get along so well together. It's a warming sight to see. Speaking of him being talkative, I remember the first day of school. I was 7 and he was 9, and we sat in the bus together. He was very excited. I was very sleepy. He kept chattering away like there's no end to it, and finally - when I thought I couldn't take no more, I said, "Let's go sleep....." and we went to sleep together.

I remember this guy, Taufiq (if I remember correctly) he threw brother's bag down the bus because apparently, he sat on his seat. He said that he had a "bad day" and doesn't want any other disturbances. The indignant in me, felt like slapping him hard and telling him that his name is not on the seat. Even if I did, I would be reduced to a meek, demented Junior. But, brother just walked away to another seat. Everybody glared at the miserable fuck. What a douche. His sister, Shaheila forced him to apologize to my brother later. That is a fraction of our bus chronicles.

We played Gameboy together, I would often ask him for help when I couldn't get to the next level in Super Mario or if I couldn't find my way in Pokemon. He had a cheat/guide book for the Pokemon adventure game. Yes, there is such a thing. We played water guns together and when he wins, I cry. He taught me how to ride a bike for the first time. I kept falling and bruising myself but now I'm an ultimate professional in bike riding, okay! He chided me (teasingly) when I wouldn't go swim in the deeper pool although the depth is as frightening as a harmless kitten. It barely reached my mid-torso. Instead, I chose to swim in the kiddy pool instead -__-

He knew I wasn't afraid of the depth, but because there's a friggin' WHALE on the bottom of the pool. And the tiles which make up the whale is in a DARK BLUE color. I thought it was disgusting and dirty and maybe, rusty. Eventually, I went in and he told me I can just not step on the whale. Oh, he's horrible in badminton, because he's terribly uncoordinated when it comes to rackets. Doesn't help if you're left handed too. He's good in football, though. He occasionally barges in my room to tell me about his dilemmas and more grandfather tales.

We used to watch Playhouse Disney together, although he favors Cartoon Network. He doesn't watch the telly much anymore, like me. When we were young, we made a tent after watching PB & J with his blanket and some kitchen chairs and we ate lunch under it. Our favorite Playhouse Disney cartoon was Rollie Pollie Ollie. He knows exactly how I like my chicken rice to be too! Yesterday he bought it, with a combination of "siew yuk" and "char siew". He scoops cauliflower and baby corns for me when Dad orders the Claypot Tofu.

His greatest pet peeve is he cuts his nails in the living room and in front of the computer!! Cue in the disgusted noises He is also, very bad in the dancing mat. How can a person be bad in a dancing mat? He can. Kids instinctively flock to him, even if he's a stranger to them. He's good with children, something which I have yet to understand. Maybe because he doesn't have the urge to squash them, like I do.

In the middle of the year, I had a crush on Staircase, and he knew about it. Of course, I was very infatuated for no reason at all. He didn't agree to it. He said what I should've realized at first, which is, he is a dick and he's a lonely, desperate loser who doesn't have guts at all. He said, "If he wants to come near to you, ask him to come see me first!" and he stalks off in a huff. I am speechless, once again.

My Mum once told us this, "If both your Mum and Dad are gone, you have no one to rely on except for your brother. Because you're family."

Say I'm cuter! :)

A Dosh of Intensity

itscaely@gmail.com (Caely) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 11:20:00 +0000

Not ready to let go
Cause then I'd never know
What I could be missing
But I’m missing way too much
So when do I give up what I’ve been wishing for
I shot for the sky
I’m stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I’m gonna to fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?

- Down, Jason Walker

Once again, I'm coming up with a list of the latest and greatest (or crappiest) movies we should all watch. Like the last time. Well, truth be told, I haven't watched all of the movies from that list yet. Not even half of them, because it takes eons for them to arrive here. I've watched 4 of the eleven movies I've listed.

It may not seem like a wise choice to make another list, because I've got my hands full trying to watch them all, but who cares? Summer is over, and here's what's to expect. One thing I've noticed is that most of the movies are very engaging and bleak. In layman terms, deadly serious. It's not as light as the ones before, probably because a lot of the upcoming movies are action, adventure and thriller movies.

Major setback being in Asia other than the occasional concert postponings and cancellations.. Most of the movies are set to be released in 2010, meaning, it'll be ages before we'll get to watch them.

1. New Moon

Everyone knows what New Moon is about. The hype alone is enough to suffocate a person. It is undeniably exciting to anticipate this to see if they took it to the next level :)

This is the longest, current trailer I can find, by the way.

2. A Christmas Carol

It's Jim Carrey as Scrooge. Does anybody not know what Charles Dickens' timeless tale is about? Just for the kick of it, it's about old miser who must face the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future. Robert Zemeckis is behind this which means it's gonna pwn you. WaiYip doesn't know who Scrooge is -__- Goodness, he is so deprived...

3. The Road

I used to have a childhood crush on Viggo Mortensen because I thought he was extremely ruggedly handsome. I haven't seen him act in a long while and here he is, delivering in an award-winning performance, I heard. This movie is about a post-apocalyptic tale of a man and his son trying to survive by any means possible. Charlize Theron is in it too and I am putting this on top of my list.

4. Fame

This is a remake of the original Oscar®-winning hit film, Fame which follows a talented group of dancers, singers, actors, and artists at the New York City High School of Performing Arts. They'll learn what's necessary to achieve what they want most, fame, while dealing with their own sets of issues. I took a peek at the soundtrack and it sounds awesome. I don't care if the critics said it was a let down, this is a must-watch because hell, everybody loves inspirational musicals!

5. Prince of Persia

Originally a video game, it's being made into an action and adventure movie now. I couldn't be more ecstatic about it because it has Jake Gyllenhaal in it and the trailer looks impressive. I have no idea what it is about except from what I learned from the trailer which is : there's a dagger used to turn back the sands of time and evil wants it. Sounds average and common but watch the trailer or Google the storyline!!

6. The Box

I'm a huge Cameron Diaz supporter, and I'm glad she's finally made a thriller because she's usually the romantic comedy type. The whole story of this movie is about how a couple receives an anonymous gift. It is a simple wooden box, that has a button in it. At the press of the button, they will receive $1 million dollars but someone somewhere in the world they don't know, will die. What an intriguing idea... What would you do? I know what I'll do.

7. Me and Orson Welles

Orson Welles is one of the best American film director, writer, actor and producer. This movie is about how a teenager (Zac Efron) is cast in the Mercury Theatre production of "Julius Caesar" directed by a young Orson Welles in 1937. They say that this movie is a lovely, charming portrayal of Orson. I have no idea who Orson is up untill now, I'm guessing many don't either. The critics also say that it is possibly the best movie about theatre ever made. Zac Efron has talents, after all.

8. Salt

Honestly, it's been such a long time since Angelina Jolie has come up with a movie. I almost forgot that she is an actress. The movie is about Evelyn Salt (Angelina Jolie) is a CIA officer and she is accused by a defector of being a Russian spy. Salt goes on the run to clear her name. She must use all of her skills and years of experience to elude capture or the world's most powerful forces will erase any trace of her existence. I watched the thriller and it looks good :)

9. Princess and the Frog

This movie has a twist on the traditional Frog Prince tale that takes place in New Orlean's French Quarter. I think it must be an awesome remake (it looks and sounds like it) and I'm happy that Disney finally produced a worthy 2D animated movie. Frankly, Disney should stick to 2D.

10. Percy Jackson and The Olympians : The Lightning Thief

More and more movies are based on best selling novels, I noticed. This movie which based on a best selling children's novel is about a young boy who discovers he's the descendant of a Greek god and sets out on an adventure to settle an on-going battle between the gods. I've always been interested in Greek mythology and its history so this is a must watch for me! I think it's going be epic. The actor who acts as Percy Jackson is really good-looking :)

11. Valentine's Day

A miracle of all miracles happened, I found a romantic comedy in the midst of all the adrenaline overwhelming movies! From the director of Pretty Woman, comes this movie about how the lives of ten people in Los Angeles intersect on Valentine's Day. This movie has a full blown STAR STUDDED cast. It has Anne Hathaway, Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Garner, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Julia Roberts, Jamie Foxx, Patrick Dempsey, Emma Roberts, Ashton Kutcher... It reminds me of He's Just Not That Into You. Critics say that packing "big names" into a movie doesn't necessarily work, but I say to hell with it.

Happy watching (and waiting in agony), everybody. Au revoir, my lovelies :)

I Want A Monthly Allowance

itscaely@gmail.com (Caely) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 10:21:00 +0000

All those plans that I made for myself
I've got nobody else to lean on
Gone so far with my head in the clouds
Now it's time to come down and be gone
Downtown Saturday
In a better way
Than I ever was before
Don't need anyone
Standing in my sun
Don't need that anymore

- Find My Way, The Gabe Dixon Band.

I bought my first romance novel when I was 12, without realizing it contained streaks of romance in it. It was called Seven Tears Into The Sea by Terri Farley and the book is currently sitting idly in my bookshelf. If there is one thing I remember most about the book is how I asked Li Teng who has the book, what the book was about besides it being a story about fantasies and myths. Li Teng said something about how boring it is because it was about romance but she has to finish it because she has a principle of finishing books when she starts reading one.

I didn't want to finish the book because it was awfully descriptive and I didn't give a damn about fictional romance when real life is tangible and waiting. The only sane explanation I can come up with is that my imagination and mind wasn't as clouded with romantic fantasies as it is now. I wonder what happened through the course of these 4 years.

I stopped reading the book eventually because I couldn't take no more. I picked it up again a year later because Li Teng's principle about having to finish a book has always been nagging me inside. I started reading it again, expecting no significant difference in it. What I unwillingly realized was that I had a whole new perspective for the book after finding myself halfway through it. I wanted to know if Jesse (the male character) ends up with Gwen (the female character). I wanted Jesse to do something or anything romantic with Gwen.

Yesterday I was looking at my bookshelf for the umpteenth time, something I do when I can't sleep. I ran through the slightly yellowed pages and noticed that the book was not awfully descriptive or long-winded at all. It was what a good fantasy book should be, a good amount of exposition and illumination. I thought I loathed it, but I ended up loving it. How contradictory can a person be? This, unfortunately, cannot be said when it comes to liking someone. You either click or don't.

On another note, I found my favorite song of all time! Or, at least - it ought to be my favorite song! It's called Find My Way by The Gabe Dixon Band. It's featured as the smashing opening song in The Proposal. I read the genre and it says "indie" and I couldn't laugh any louder because whoever who labeled them "indie" clearly doesn't have a lucid mind, or have not heard indie music before. I remember telling someone that indie music gives me headaches (though a fraction of them are worth listening to) and the person said a-matter-of-factly, "Indian music? No wonder. I hate it too, it's just so disgusting." What is the world coming to?! I get very worked up when it comes to misunderstandings.

I'd like to think that The Gabe Dixon Band are more towards old school rock, like the Jets. I started singing the song every morning because it's damn uplifting. The opening of the song is jovial enough to serve as your Red Bull for the day.

See, I shit you not.

Scared I Am

itscaely@gmail.com (Caely) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 10:21:00 +0000

Tell me, tell me whatcha said (said)
I really need you in my life
Cuz things ain't right
Cause when the roof cave in
and the truth came out
I just didn't know what to do
But when I become a star
we'll be living so large
I'll do anything for you

- Whatcha Say, Jason Derulo

To be honest, I'm not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed. I tactfully admit that I'm not the moon in the sky, I'm just one of the stars. I'm not awfully fearless because I'm not Joan of Arc, I don't have an imaginary armor, shielding me from life's great misery. I get daunted easily, from... the darkness of my room where I can't see anything because I thought I might suddenly be blind, but then I see the small, green blip from the air-conditioner and know I'm a-okay... to walking down the quiet street of my housing area, unguarded.

I'm scared for the people who are careless enough to not give a second thought to what they're doing. They appear to be nonchalant and heedless because they are confident that they are safe but every swamp has its crocodiles. I'm scared for them. I'm scared that they might end up falling and breaking their necks. Who knows? A spilt second is just what we need to change everything.

I'm scared about the future. Seeing the rehearsal for the Senior 5's Graduation Day today brought this strange, frightening feeling. I said this for the umpteenth time but I will say it again. I can't believe it's been a year already, and thinking about next year is very, very daunting. I'll be sitting for SPM next year. I'm scared about the stress that is bound to envelope me.

How much can I take before my head turns into dust? Trust me, you don't want to see that day coming. I'm scared I'll be leaving the security blankets which school had always provided for me. I have no doubt I'll be able to survive (and survive fashionably, I will) but it's a big change. It's the falling down the cliff into oblivion theory again.

I'm scared that I would stay like this forever. I don't want to be. Nobody wants to be stagnant. I want to be taller than my current 171cm frame, to be thinner than what I already am, to be more... in tune with the world. Yet, there is a part of me which doesn't wanna give it all way. I can sense all the changes in me. I can't sleep later than 11pm because I will feel very drowsy, I can't wake up later than 11am, either. I don't eat sweets anymore and I don't like sugar. I don't watch Disney as frequently and I don't give a shit about all the useless celebrity crap.

Oh, I don't watch a lot of telly, except for National Geographic, Discovery and History Channel, AXN, AFC and Hallmark. I sound so boring, watching all these boring channels, but it entertains me! What the fuck, right? I feel like things which were worldly to me, now seem like a grain of sand. I grumble about people's immaturity too, when I'm only fucking sixteen! Wait, I started swearing openly also. You might notice that I'm using a lot of "fuck", "hell" and "bitch" in my posts. It just comes naturally.

Among all these new idiosyncrasies which I now have, I still have my same habits. I'm still the slowest in my family when it comes to preparing things (because they don't care about details and neatness), I'm still very obsessed with cute guys with broad shoulders, veins in their arms, an overall hot bod. I still drink juice from the carton sneakily. I'm still NOT a morning person, needing people to wake me up everyday. I still complain about needing to brush my teeth everyday and night. I still have my Hello Kitty with me.

I'm scared of what we are doing to the environment. I sound like a damn hypocrite saying this, because I'm typing this in a heavily air-conditioned room. But, hypocrisy aside, the consequences are worth being concerned about. I read this story written by a guy who is the same age as I am, and his story about the end of the world was so vivid, it was so graphic. I went harebrained for a moment and returned to my normal self. Frankly, I'm not scared at all. I'm just concerned and curious about what 2012 is going to be like. There's a possibility that it's something we conjured up ourselves and it has nothing to do with the Mayan's calendar. Armageddon... Judgement Day... or simply put, The End of the World.

The point is, I'm scared shitless sometimes. Not the entirely, sweat-provoking sort of scared which makes the ends of your hair stand. Just, excited, blank, plain scared. The kind of scared you get when you don't know what to expect. They say fear is what's keep us going, we need fear. Yet, fear is a weapon against ourselves. I must have gotten that out from some action-thriller movie. I have to live the moment to find out if that's true. I'm not Cerberus, a dog with many heads who guards the Gates of Hell. I don't have that aura of strength to scare the shit out of anything from attempting to reach me. Right now, I wanna forget all these fears which is eating up on me. All I wanna do is just to partay at Liza's 16th.

The Hello Kitty I was talking about :

When I was seven, I tried painting the left eye with black marker pen because the color was fading. Obviously it failed...

PS* I got a new diary where I write things I can't write here and I wrapped it with black sugar paper. How awesome is that?
I know, it's friggin' wicked.

All The Way There

itscaely@gmail.com (Caely) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 15:29:00 +0000

I am here still waiting
though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best,
like you've already figured out
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning

- Broken, Lifehouse

I miss Shan, my BFF. Getting even more envious now that you get the chance to gawk at models (and yet, you chose not to!!) and shop for lingerie at La Senza.

All the way from Dubai, Shan sent me this.

-__-"

I confess: fictional characters are very very appealing. I've been in love (still am!) with Darcy, Justin, Luke, Bishop, all of Judith McNaught's male characters and other fictional characters. I guess what she sent me is fitting. There is something very mysterious and they give you this strange, satisfying out-of-the-world feeling to you.

Currently even more fitting because I spend every single waking hour thinking about Stefan Salvatore in the Vampire Diaries (Paul Wesley). Ghia and her book, and Michelle and her post about the show did this to me! But, I don't regret it at all because this is who I think about:

I've decided that a picture of Paul Wesley sums it all up.
How infatuated I am over Stefan, and how happy I am because Paul is the actor for this amazing character.
He is undeniably mine :)

There's only one problem here. Stefan (or Paul), hardly smiles! Just looking and watching him, makes my lips ache because I want to see him smile a big toothy grin. I Googled, "Paul Wesley smiling" and "Does Paul Wesley smile?"... but alas, to no avail.

French Cleaning

itscaely@gmail.com (Caely) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 10:01:00 +0000

You came into my life
And I thought hey
You know, this could be something
'Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing
'Cause maybe it's true, that I can't live without you
Well maybe two is better than one

- Two Is Better Than One, Boys Like Girls ft. Taylor Swift

There are a lot of things which I want to write and rant about. After all, isn't this the age of sharing your business with others? Most of them are short thoughts and ideas, I thought I would and could continue them, but never did. I don't have a short attention span and I don't get distracted easily when it comes to something I like so I'm clueless as to why I've so many unfinished posts.

That is why I have so many short drafts lying around my blog which I've never posted. Besides having them in the blog, I have them in Notepad and Microsoft Word. I have SO many of them that my whole folder is just filled with that little Notepad and Word icon. I don't know what I'll do if Notepad wasn't invented.

All of the posts are from a different time, some very recent, some a lot of months back. I have to gather them up somehow so these are some of it :

Title:
Nothing In My Mind Except Dark Chocolate

Post:
I'm writing this in the middle of the night while having an inch-thick dark chocolate bar. Not telling you the brand because then you would find out my secret to late night happiness! I wanted to sleep at 9, but I couldn't pull myself away from the Internet. I start thinking of what eating this chocolate means. It means... getting fat. Wait, I'll tell you the brand. It's Patchi. Okay, now we're getting fat together!

Title:
I Hate My Dad

Post:
I HATE MY DAD. I HATE MY DAD AGAIN. WHY IS HE EVEN ALIVE? TO RUIN OUR LIVES EVEN MORE?! The evil bitch that he is.

Title:
Sushi Overload

Post:
My eating sushi yesterday in the car after the extra classes triggered this post. I'm not crazy about sushi but there's something about them. It's like, eating sushi grants you to the pathway of fame or gives you another topic to talk about with strangers, like liking vampires. You strike a good impression if you like vampires and can talk about Twilight all year long. Same goes to sushi, I suppose.

Title:
Further Under the Duvet

Post:
Marian Keyes is one of the best authors, in my opinion. Her books are always hilarious, witty and meaningful. I've read this book three times and recently I read it again. This book is a second volume (the first one was called Under The Duvet) of her journalism pieces, previously unpublished writing and several short stories.

Title:
Yo Yi Yun, My Love

Post:
I got my Whitney, My Love today! I wish I wish I wish that Judith McNaught's male characters would come to life and be by my side! I would be utterly and ecstatically happy forever!

Title:
Untitled

Post:
FUCK 3RD TERM! I GIVE UP. DON'T THINK I CARE.

Title:
In The Car

Post:
I clutched the History book tightly when I was in the car. It was like I was trying to absorb the contents into me. Maybe, just maybe, I thought. I got out of the car and... nothing. I didn't get anything. Shit.

Title:
Classmates and Fries

Post:
I think my friends and teachers doubt my intelligence. Probably because I refuse to take Add Math. But, it's my choice so, scoot off. I somewhat can't tolerate fuckers deriding other people's intelligence when they're even more fucked up themselves. Don't chide others unless you're fucking Einstein.

Ghosts of Spots Past

itscaely@gmail.com (Caely) — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 14:04:00 +0000

I gotta take a little time
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it when Im colder
In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
Cant stop now, Ive traveled so far
To change this lonely life

- I Want To Know What Love Is, Mariah Carey

I have been putting off with writing this for quite some time. I was waiting for the right time, I wanted to make sure my words are accurate when I put them into these words, so that there wouldn't be room for doubt. But, what for? I should just go head first with this. The wind is here, and I'm throwing caution into it.

I've always wanted to write about this, and when I found out Garett made a blog post about Before and Afters with photoshopping, with me in it under the section of "Acne Breakouts"... it was the last straw for me. It made me realize how much I want to write about this.

I've never told anyone this. I've touched the surface of the topic, but never in detail because it is that sensitive to me.

Well, through the course of the PMR examinations period two years ago, I've developed occasional breakouts. Nothing serious, they're somewhat petty, and they would subside with time. During the holidays after PMR, I started going back to playing this online 2D game called Maple which I haven't touched for a few years. Obviously - considering my weak restraint agaisnt temptations, I soon fell into the Maple Obsession. I played that wretched game till 4 in the morning and wouldn't wake until 2 in the afternoon. I didn't realize that it would mess my hormones up, and would lead me to more breakouts.

I stopped cleansing my face, because I ran out of the products and was too lazy to even care to tell my Mum about it. I was under the perception that I can do whatever I want after the exams, including discarding my cleansing habit. Cleansing our faces everyday is the most important regime of all, especially if you've got combination or oily skin. I've got combination skin, so this spells doom for me. I cared about my skin, of course, but apparently - my severe lack of motivation trumps everything else. Before I know it, my skin got worse.

To say I'm self-conscious would be a correct thing to say. Having acne breakouts is not something that should happen to me. I couldn't help it. It's my hormones, it's in my genes. The problem grew increasingly difficult. The horrible thing is, they're all clustered up around my cheeks. Can it get more fucking visible? My forehead and chin were completely untarnished, except for occasional spots.

I think I should use the word "spots", because after this horrible phase, I cringe at the word "acne" and "zits". I don't tell anyone, but I'm extremely uncomfortable when people use those two words.

If you have naturally good skin, you wouldn't know what I'm talking about because you will never understand the feeling. That constant obsession about how tarnished your skin is, just because you have spots. You will feel so helpless, like what I felt. But, no, you will never get what I felt, because you have good skin. I suppose I'm not the only person in the world who had had somewhat severe spots before, there are people worse than me, I've seen the pictures.

My friends who have good skin, when they get spots, they complain about it. It gets even more laughable when the pimples they point out are hardly visible. What the fuck? They should be thankful that they don't have severe breakouts. If you think having a couple of spots on your face means agony and is the end of the world, then having a cluster of them, does that mean you should jump down the building? It's insulting and irritating to hear what they say sometimes. I'm sure they don't mean to insult or irritate anyone, they're just sharing their feelings, but really. What the hell is wrong with a few mild pimples on your forehead or chin?

This brings me to people who makes fun of people with breakouts. I wouldn't know if people had made fun of other people or me before. I wouldn't exactly give a shit, because they're ignorant. To them, it's a petty issue, one that they can make fun of. I don't understand what's so funny about this matter. I'm very sure if I had perfect skin, I wouldn't make fun of people who doesn't have perfect skin. Because, I know it links to their self-confidence. What people don't tell or don't show, doesn't mean they're not feeling it. I'm also very confused with the fact that they can condemn people if they have "oily foreheads" or whatever it is. This is what I heard. How can you say that?

I know it's seems like the same thing with calling a person fat, but you see - a person who is overweight, they can change it. It's either they don't give a damn, or they're just lazy or unmotivated to change their figures. But, for pimples? It's part of you, it's in you. Nobody wants their physical features to be affected by fucking acne! It's a thousand folds more wrong when you make fun of people's spots. The saddest truth of it all, is that my condition is self-inflicted. I was the one who slept late, woke up late. I was the one who abandoned the health of my skin.

People generally have no idea how fucking sensitive it is. I don't know about guys who have acne breakouts, I'm a girl and I judge myself based on how I look. A lot of girls do. This matter, it's very sensitive for me. When people talk about it, I'll avoid talking about it.

I detest people who are insenstitive enough to point it out to me about my skin's condition. Don't your thoughts cross your brain before it comes out from your mouth? Must you be so crudely ignorant? The people are... let me see. My relatives. Sometimes, I wonder what relatives are for. They're just there to point out what's different in you when they don't approve of you and smile insincerely when they secretly approve of you. I've never really had anyone pointing my skin condition to me before at school. Except, Yong Chang, Joshua and some teachers. I shouldn't put names in here, but urgh, sod off. Yong Chang would be like, screaming at me about my condition. Joshua would be his fucking annoying self and point it out to me.

I said once to Joshua, "Do you think I don't know?! Do you think I fucking not care about it?! Do you think I need YOU pointing it out to me? Do you think I like it?!"
After that, Shanan yelled at him to get the fuck off, and he scampered away.

Sometimes, if I get a MASSIVE spot, I'll whine about it to my friends and what they say is always, "DON'T TOUCH IT!" I don't want solutions. All I want them to do is listen. Shan and Lyn always make me feel better, because they're great like that. My confidence, I've come to realize, had plumetted during that period. As I'm writing this, I don't have pimples anymore, except the recent ones caused by the final exams. People might or might not have noticed. All I have now are scars, and they're healing.

I went to the skin specialist months and months ago, when my Mum realized all the so-called products are not working. I went through everything, ate my prescriptions, and this is me, right now. You can still see scars which may look like pimples.

This phase got to the point that I wouldn't look at people in the eyes because I'm afraid of how I look. I don't think anyone knew about this so what the hell. So, lemme just say that, don't be like me. Meaning, don't mess your hormones up. You'll need to pay literally thousand of medical dollars and it will indefinitely threathen your confidence. If you're having serious breakouts, just skip the useless products.

You might think I'm paranoid and obsessive, but I can't help it. This is not me being self-pitiful, because there is nothing piteous about this. It's just me being tired, to have to deal with this reality. Walk in my shoes, and you'll see it. All I wanna say is, this matter is not funny and not petty.

Pandorum Is Such A Crappy Movie

itscaely@gmail.com (Caely) — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 17:56:00 +0000

Now, the dudes are lining up
But we kick em' to the curb
unless they look like Mick Jagger
I'm talking about
everybody getting crunk, crunk
Boys trying to touch my junk, junk
Gonna smack him
if he getting too drunk, drunk
Cause they hear we got swagger

- Tik Tok, Ke$ha.

I'm feeling a little peckish right now. I'd like something to munch on, but I suppose the healthier and wiser one in me strictly oppose that idea. I decided, to channel my thoughts from wheat biscuits to writing about my 2 nights sleepover at Shan's house!

Our source of 4am fuel for gossiping and laughing together (about and at people). We had a really groovy-cool-like lava lamp on! Fell asleep with carb-stuffed stomachs.

Next morning, went to Pavilion with Garett, Eliza, Dan and Eli.

Shan and I.

Liza and I.

Yours Truly with her signature pose.

Green vegetables alert. Everybody run!

Horrible greens.

Why do they like the horrible greens?!

The pout barely reaching.

Chronic poser. Unfair, I say. The mannequin was wearing 5-inches heels!

Walked to Sg.Wang, the most horrible place ever built...
Dreaded it, but went along with it. Dangerously exposed to the "lala" or Chineser disease!

Garett, Dan and I (who were the ones who couldn't stand that place) were joking about:

1. How they would poison us if we stop for a drink because they want our type to extinct.
2. How they would sabotage us if we used the elevator because they wanted to turn us over to their side.

The aftermath.
(Shanan is seen smiling gleefully because she's surprisingly okay!)

Effing the place with Freaky Yellow Digi Man.

Before Pandorum, the crappiest movie ever. The only thing which I liked was looking at Ben Foster. Should've watched Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs or Jennifer's Body or Michael Jackson's This Is It. So much of a missed opportunity.

Mine.

Grudgingly theirs.

So proud of Garett. He resisted the temptation!

While a lot of girls my age likes teenage fashion magazines, my favorite would be Harper's Bazaar. It's a tad mature and irrelevant for my age, but I covet high fashion and magazine publishing's glossiness! I'm deprived from Vogue, as my fashion bible because it's ridiculously expensive. Bazaar is pure, wholly unadulterated fashion.

Space eater, Garett.

They hated him because he looked like a drug addict :P

Forever 21 has the strictest security ever. They scan your bags, counts your items, and they disallow cameras!

Dinner at TGI's. Garett and I were so proud of ourselves :

Because I had salmon for lunch, whitefish for dinner. I was eating healthy, with my fiber and protein. Garett with his low-carb diet. We drank plain water!! (smiles gleefully)

Was supposed to go back that night. But I stayed over another night. We ended up falling asleep halfway through The Omen in the living room with our snacks. We went to the Old Folks' Home the next morning, which was a rather nice experience. Was supposed (again) to go home, but nobody's home to open the doors for me, so I went back to Shan's. We did a sort of photoshoot together, which I believe deserves a post of its own.

A few (lot) of things I borrowed from the Shanan before she goes off traveling all around the globe :

>A coupla books which I'm sure will last me through the holidays.

A LOT of DVD's from her amazing DVD collection which will probably last me through most of the holidays! Movies from the 90's to the most recent ones. Tell me you're jealous!

Shan, why do you pamper me so?

Because you're going away for nearly 2 months to roam around the world!!
Nobody will get to see you then.

Have a safe flight, love you :)

--------

Me: Oh my God, my toe fell off!
Shan: HUH?!!
Me: Oh, I meant, my toenail fell off.

Garett: ...my ankleeeees!
Eli: You have ankles?!!

Me: Ugly Betty somehow reminds me of someone... (thinks)
Garett: Shanan! The braces and nerdiness.
Me: Hahahaha. Just the braces, I think.
Shanan: HEY!!

Exams, You Can Kiss Me Arse !

itscaely@gmail.com (Caely) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 09:03:00 +0000

So baby don’t worry, you are my only,
You won’t be lonely, even if the sky is falling down,
You’ll be my only, no need to worry,
Baby are you down down down down down,
Dowwwnnnnn, Dowwnnnnn,
Baby are you down down down down down,
Downnnnn, Downnnnnn,
Even if the sky is falling down,

- Down, Jay Sean ft. Lil Wayne

I'm a hermit in my own room, eating and drinking and talking by myself.
During the second week of our finals, Mum came into my room while I was cramming Chemistry and sees these...

Mum : Cockroaches will come and invade your room, I tell you.

Me : Impossible.

She saw the leftover herbal jelly in my Tupperware bottle...

Mum : They will definitely come for this.

Me : Impossible. Cockroaches respect me. They won't attack me.

Mum : *ignores my reply* Why's your room so cold!

Me : Not cold, I can't feel anything because of the heat of studying.

Mum : *shakes head and walks off*

The above happens almost everyday, with me constantly drinking coffee and eating, leaving the mugs and plates after.

Finals are over! Freedom is right under my nose, can you see it? The release liberty brings. No more late nights, no more breakouts, no more zombifying myself, no more sleeping on the floor just so I can wake up. Oh, this reminds me, everybody should read the hilarious post Liza posted about the 5 reasons why she hates exams. I think it's hysterical that we're so prone to agonies when it comes to exams. Okay, no more talk about finals because what is done is done!

I don't think my room is about to impend to become a haven for cockroaches after all. Not because exams are over and I'm not a hermit anymore, but because cockroaches really do RESPECT me. But that's a tale that deserves another day to tell. Right now, you should see the wide-happy-arse-grin I'm refusing to rub off. With that, I'm heading to Shan's for our sleepover :) Life's good.

So long, sucker.

Jumping Jacks of Joy

itscaely@gmail.com (Caely) — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 16:42:00 +0000

(Liverpool won. Ecstatic Dan suggested I put Liverpool's song here as a celebratory gesture!)

Walk on, through the wind
Walk on, through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed
And blown
Walk on, walk on
With hope, in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone

- Gerry And The Pacemakers - You'll Never Walk Alone

I'm thoroughly exposed to words. Not entirely, but thoroughly.

So, imagine how strange I felt when I saw this word : apostrophe.

I cocked my head to one side, furrow my brow and thought, "What the hell does this mean?", before I realize that it meant, apostrophe as in apostrophe. I know... this is strange. It's probably the most basic word next to "apple". I've heard it a lot of times in school and said it a lot in conversations but I have never ever ever seen the word spelled before.

Apostrophe. Apostrophe. Apostrophe. Apoooosssstroooopheee. Apostrophe!!!

Just in case, like me in the beginning, you can't figure out what APOSTROPHE is, it's this thing ('s). When you say it, it becomes like this : apostrophe S.

Only God knows how many times I've heard it from all my English teachers ever since I was seven. Since it's related to punctuations and punctuation is one of the Grammar topics in the syllabus, I've heard it practically all my life. My former or current English teacher would be so proud of me, yeah? I remember Ms.Rita.. my strictest, lovable, yet most fearsome teacher who have ever taught me during my years as a Junior.

How we would always say, "I tell Ms.Rita!" if one of our "enemies" did something wrong, and we would all be so scared, I think secretly some might even wee in their pants... or skirts. She would scare us with her scowl or make us laugh about anything at all. I'm actually having trouble typing the word, apostrophe. I keep backspacing on the keyboard because it's some sort of finger twister.

Then, after 3 years of teaching me, Ms.Lai became my English teacher. She taught me for a year. My favorite English day would be... Tuesday. Because that was the day where we have Literature, and gosh - I loved literature. It's so easy, and undemanding. All we have to do is to understand the story, read about the characters and memorize a few things, and you're guranteed an A. I also (secretly) liked it when she calls me up and ask me to read aloud. It's such fun, sometimes I would struggle with the pronunciation a bit but often times, it would be a calm, serene experience when the whole class is silent and you're the one doing the reading aloud. I don't really like it now... because I keep getting interrupted (ahem) or I just don't fancy it anymore.

Ms.Lim taught me the longest. She taught me when I was in Junior 5, taught me again during Senior 1 up to Senior 3. She would sometimes have her PMS days, and be a total bitch about homework and attitudes. I'm not the only who thinks this, I'm sure alotta you will agree with me!! When she's not being bitchy, she's really nice. She tells us her little stories about her life which I find intriguing. She also made me feel not too bad about my then handwriting because her handwriting was all crooked and weird. I don't think she's gonna read my blog, so lalalalala.

One of my Malay teachers, Puan Noraidah, commented once on my handwriting. She was jokingly teasing me, "Yi Yun, tengok tulisan kamu. Macam jongkang-jongket. Ada yang tinggi, ada yang rendah." (Yi Yun, look at your handwriting. It's like a see saw. They're all up and down) I looked at her, and smiled. Both of us burst out laughing later.

Remember this post? This. ... I said that I like hearing teachers scolding us and giving us long winded advice when in class. I also like hearing teachers talk about their life stories. Yes, I'm weird like that. Not because I'm kepoh or anything, but it's just nice to listen occasionally to adults who happens to be our teachers talk about themselves.

This is my blast to the past. Oh my God, how 70s can I get? "BLAST TO THE PAST". Sounds like a cheesy remake of a Sci-fi movie. Just after seeing a foreign-like word and this is what I came up with. It truly did stir such a melancholic feeling in me. It's late (by normal schooling standards) and I think I'm doing subconscious things to distract me from the impending doom that awaits me tomorrow and the rest of the week. My mind is turning into dust.

I might die of coffee overdose. I have a new zit on my chin. My doctor would be shaking his head right now at the sight of me, disapproving of my current lifestyle. Probably will be fussing at my current hormonal imbalance. I can't help it. This is the price I'm paying for being butt lazy.

(About the dying of coffee overdose thing... eh, God forbid because I'm saying it metaphorically because coffee will be my fuel this week to start my engines. Dad will come back and find all his Nescafe gone. Hahaha!)