Deal With The Hand You've Been Dealt With

The above title is something I've been constantly telling myself.

Here's a couple of lyrics from Linkin Park, both new and old. I relate them all to my current situation. My current situation is self-inflicted bleakness. It's sunshines and rainbows if I can just let it be. But, I can't. A month more to go and I feel like I'm this loser who avoids and avoids and avoids. Floating around. I know I have a lot to climb, but damn, I keep tripping. I also feel like I have weak mental control, self-control equals zero. I keep losing my balance, is my semicircular canal not working? God, this mountain is steep as hell.




I'm swimming in the smoke, of bridges I have burned.
So, don't apologize. I'm losing what I don't deserve.
The pain is mine alone.

-Burning in the Skies.



Waiting for the end to come. Wish I had the strength to stand.
This is not what I had planned. It's out of my control.
I know what it takes to move on. I know how it feels to lie.
All I wanna do is trade this life for something new.
Holding on to what I haven't got.

- Waiting For The End.


One thing, I don't know why. It doesn't even matter how hard you try.
Time, is a valuable thing. Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings.
Watch it count down to the end of the day, the clock ticks life away.
It's so unreal. Watch time go right out the window.
I tried so hard and got so far.

- In The End.





I know I can change this. In every moanful situation I go through in my head, it always turn out well. Since I'm one of those astute people, I can feel it. But, there's this nagging sensation in me that's so pessimistic and so calculative of the situation. Every time it comes out, I imagine myself, opening a bin and chucking that sensation in there (usually in a form of a spider) and burning the bin.


I tell myself, "Positive outcomes only. Bring it."



(Yes, that sentence is a reference to Hellcats which is an actual all-too-silly show I really like)